If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t we just call it what it is - staying at home with kids is a luxury that most of us cannot afford. Yes, most working parents are jealous because we have to work outside of the home and try to balance housework and raising our children. And yes it is really annoying to hear SAHPs constantly justifying their choice and explaining over and over how very hard and important their role is. There are plenty of reasons to be a working parent, but for most of us it comes down to money. If money was not an issue, I’d guess that most moms and dads would stay home.

Staying home is like any other luxury. If you or your spouse worked hard and saved enough money to install a pool in your backyard, would you feel compelled to constantly justify the expense by claiming the pool will help your children grow up to be well rounded swimmers? Would you feel guilty for having a pool while your neighbors do not? No. Of course not. You would just enjoy the pool.

If you are a SAHP, just accept that you are one of the privileged few. Own it. Enjoy it. And stop being a martyr.

+1. So much.

The only thing I would change is “if you are a comfortable SAHP”. Some people stay home because child care is more expensive than what they are paid.

[Anonymous]

I don't think of it that way. Staying home with my kids (2 and 4) is what I want to do, and I think I have the right to spend my day/life the way I want to.

Yes, I think there are brilliant scientists, human rights lawyers, etc. who are "worth more" to society than I am. But I don't think only SAHM's can say that. Most employed people could say that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

Right which is why it’s fair to say they contribute less to society than working parents.

+1

How is this in question?

SAHM is for weak women who couldn’t make it in the workforce and instead depend on a man. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Working moms do everything SAHMs do and then some because they’re actually contributing to society through their work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1

How is this in question?

SAHM is for weak women who couldn’t make it in the workforce and instead depend on a man. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Working moms do everything SAHMs do and then some because they’re actually contributing to society through their work.

Omg please don't start with this. A SAHM of infants-preschool kids is taking care of children all day and you're not. It's 8+ hrs of hard work that you are not doing. Do you think your childcare providers do nothing all day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t we just call it what it is - staying at home with kids is a luxury that most of us cannot afford. Yes, most working parents are jealous because we have to work outside of the home and try to balance housework and raising our children. And yes it is really annoying to hear SAHPs constantly justifying their choice and explaining over and over how very hard and important their role is. There are plenty of reasons to be a working parent, but for most of us it comes down to money. If money was not an issue, I’d guess that most moms and dads would stay home.

Staying home is like any other luxury. If you or your spouse worked hard and saved enough money to install a pool in your backyard, would you feel compelled to constantly justify the expense by claiming the pool will help your children grow up to be well rounded swimmers? Would you feel guilty for having a pool while your neighbors do not? No. Of course not. You would just enjoy the pool.

If you are a SAHP, just accept that you are one of the privileged few. Own it. Enjoy it. And stop being a martyr.

Because there are thousands of working women who could quit if they wanted to but they don’t because they don’t want to be a worthless leech like the OP.

It’s not a luxury, it’s a throw back to the dark ages of Mad Men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

Right which is why it’s fair to say they contribute less to society than working parents.

+1

How is this in question?

SAHM is for weak women who couldn’t make it in the workforce and instead depend on a man. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Working moms do everything SAHMs do and then some because they’re actually contributing to society through their work.

And the SAHMs of school aged children? What do they do that is so valuable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t we just call it what it is - staying at home with kids is a luxury that most of us cannot afford. Yes, most working parents are jealous because we have to work outside of the home and try to balance housework and raising our children. And yes it is really annoying to hear SAHPs constantly justifying their choice and explaining over and over how very hard and important their role is. There are plenty of reasons to be a working parent, but for most of us it comes down to money. If money was not an issue, I’d guess that most moms and dads would stay home.

Staying home is like any other luxury. If you or your spouse worked hard and saved enough money to install a pool in your backyard, would you feel compelled to constantly justify the expense by claiming the pool will help your children grow up to be well rounded swimmers? Would you feel guilty for having a pool while your neighbors do not? No. Of course not. You would just enjoy the pool.

If you are a SAHP, just accept that you are one of the privileged few. Own it. Enjoy it. And stop being a martyr.

Because there are thousands of working women who could quit if they wanted to but they don’t because they don’t want to be a worthless leech like the OP.

It’s not a luxury, it’s a throw back to the dark ages of Mad Men.

Wow, you have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

Right which is why it’s fair to say they contribute less to society than working parents.

+1

How is this in question?

SAHM is for weak women who couldn’t make it in the workforce and instead depend on a man. You can’t convince me otherwise.

Working moms do everything SAHMs do and then some because they’re actually contributing to society through their work.

This isn't the case. During the hours the WOHMs are working, they by definition aren't doing what a SAHM does, namely childcare. Someone else is doing that. Whether the nanny or daycare worker or SAHM does it, that work is the same. You can't say that a working nanny contributes more to society than a SAHM does for the exact same job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think of it that way. Staying home with my kids (2 and 4) is what I want to do, and I think I have the right to spend my day/life the way I want to.

Yes, I think there are brilliant scientists, human rights lawyers, etc. who are "worth more" to society than I am. But I don't think only SAHM's can say that. Most employed people could say that, too.

The difference is, ALL SAHMs are worth less to society than the professionals you named. Some working people are, some are not (teachers, doctors, some lawyers, etc.).

I just think we have to be realistic about that.

SAHM is a lesser choice, for people who are maybe not as clever or ambitious. That’s ok. We’re not all equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think of it that way. Staying home with my kids (2 and 4) is what I want to do, and I think I have the right to spend my day/life the way I want to.

Yes, I think there are brilliant scientists, human rights lawyers, etc. who are "worth more" to society than I am. But I don't think only SAHM's can say that. Most employed people could say that, too.

The difference is, ALL SAHMs are worth less to society than the professionals you named. Some working people are, some are not (teachers, doctors, some lawyers, etc.).

I just think we have to be realistic about that.

SAHM is a lesser choice, for people who are maybe not as clever or ambitious. That’s ok. We’re not all equal.

I agree, I think this is what the op was trying to say. It is what it is. There are worse things you can be in the world but it’s not a great choice of “career.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think of it that way. Staying home with my kids (2 and 4) is what I want to do, and I think I have the right to spend my day/life the way I want to.

Yes, I think there are brilliant scientists, human rights lawyers, etc. who are "worth more" to society than I am. But I don't think only SAHM's can say that. Most employed people could say that, too.

The difference is, ALL SAHMs are worth less to society than the professionals you named. Some working people are, some are not (teachers, doctors, some lawyers, etc.).

I just think we have to be realistic about that.

SAHM is a lesser choice, for people who are maybe not as clever or ambitious. That’s ok. We’re not all equal.

Work is work. Getting into the game of value - a trash collector is worth less to society than a doctor etc - is a just useless endeavor. At the end of the day, society needs all workers. That important doctor relies on bus drivers and nannies too, whether for her own life or that of the patients she is dependent on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think of it that way. Staying home with my kids (2 and 4) is what I want to do, and I think I have the right to spend my day/life the way I want to.

Yes, I think there are brilliant scientists, human rights lawyers, etc. who are "worth more" to society than I am. But I don't think only SAHM's can say that. Most employed people could say that, too.

The difference is, ALL SAHMs are worth less to society than the professionals you named. Some working people are, some are not (teachers, doctors, some lawyers, etc.).

I just think we have to be realistic about that.

SAHM is a lesser choice, for people who are maybe not as clever or ambitious. That’s ok. We’re not all equal.

Work is work. Getting into the game of value - a trash collector is worth less to society than a doctor etc - is a just useless endeavor. At the end of the day, society needs all workers. That important doctor relies on bus drivers and nannies too, whether for her own life or that of the patients she is dependent on.

This is so Pollyanna and you know it’s not true.

Lol that a trash collector is just as important as a doctor. I take your point that trash collecting is necessary but come on. Live in the land of reality.

Anyway, someday soon trash collection will be totally automated.

[Anonymous]

It depends if you see kids as a value added to society. I do so I value my job caring for them.

[Anonymous]

It’s obviously work and, if you care about the general well being of children, valuable work.

The one person in my life I count on more than my husband is my nanny! (And, right now, with 2 kids five and under and in a global pandemic that has schools shit down, I might even value her more than my husband, lol).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think what you are doing is incredibly valuable. Just as much, if not more than, many who work outside the home. You are raising the next generation and I believe that a generation can make or break this planet. If it helps you can approach each day as a work day. Plan it out like you would at the office. Put your utmost into every aspect of it. Most of all, enjoy the heck out of it! It's a gift to be able to raise your kids, to help mold them, to teach them interpersonal skills that will give them the best shot at a happy life. It's a great job and I can't even measure the value--it's immeasurable.

I mean, all parents are raising the next generation...