If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I mean... most of the SAHMs I know seem to post constantly about their cluttered living rooms, frozen TJ meals, and taking a day off because they can’t deal with it. i fully understand you can’t do it all. And why should they? The truth is when you stay home you are your own boss. You want the kid to watch TV for two hours so you can take a break, fine. You want to order pizza instead of cooking, no problem. I don’t think that would fly if you we’re actually hired to do the job. Flexibility and lack of oversight is part of the SAH situation. Personally I find it slightly demoralizing but I don’t think we can equate this role to a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I respectfully disagree. A personal chef doesn't mold a child's mental health. I think I need to excuse myself from this discussion before I get snarky...

PP meant all those jobs combined, Snarky. Note the sentences starting with the word “And”.

[Anonymous]

SAHPs really are similar to teachers, esp in early childhood. And both are wildly undervalued.

I had a mom with a “big” job and a dad who SAH. It really is an important job, but it’s not the only option for families, and men really should be stepping up and doing it more.

[Anonymous]

SAHPs are nannies/teachers to their own children. None valued by our society as children aren’t valued. Father’s who take their guaranteed paternity leaves are looked down upon in corporate America too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I respectfully disagree. A personal chef doesn't mold a child's mental health. I think I need to excuse myself from this discussion before I get snarky...

PP meant all those jobs combined, Snarky. Note the sentences starting with the word “And”.

Yes, I saw the "and." I take exception to the chef, housekeeper and manage references because I feel the emphasis should be on teaching--life skills as well as education. Again, we can agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

Right which is why it’s fair to say they contribute less to society than working parents.

[Anonymous]

Hey don’t be so down on yourself, your work is fundamental to society by contributing to the next generation in a positive manner. A well loved and cared for child grows into a good member of society... so cheer up.

[Anonymous]

Lol OP. I consider my value very high that I’m not at net negative like the 99% of lawyers who aren’t public defenders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say taking care of children is not as important as a doctor, scientist or lawyer?

I think the problem we have as a society is not valuing childcare and education of children as much as we should..no matter who is doing it! This is not just about SAHMs but also childcare workers of every kind. And teachers. We treat these things as low-skill, unimportant "women's work" and they are not. I would argue they are some of the most important "jobs" in the world.

--a scientist (which I point out only because it is one of the supposedly noble professions you mentioned)

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

Right which is why it’s fair to say they contribute less to society than working parents.

I don't think that is fair to say. I'm betting we could list quite a number of jobs out there that we might agree contribute less to society than caretaking of children. They make money doing them, yes, but contribute to society is a high bar, and I think care of children meets that bar. I'm not saying working parents don't care for their children, they just outsource for more of the day than does a SAHP (because most SAHPs in non-pandemic times also have times they hire babysitters, send kids to school or preschool, send kids to the grandparents, etc.) So for those additional hours that SAHPs take care of children, they are providing a service to society in the same way that other childcare workers who take care of other people's children do.

[Anonymous]

You create your own value because no one else except your spouse will give it to you.

My kids are older, but I always remember the neighborhood moms who worked outside the home who would put down SAHMs but had zero problem asking me last-minute for after school or free weekend babysitting.

I always said no. I do this for my kids, not for yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.