If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:C.S. Lewis famously said, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ”

I mean, that's fine, just consider your source. It's not like C.S. Lewis didn't have a biased view of the world. But if you want to think otherwise then ok, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

If you have a passion and you devote a meaningful amount of time to it, then that is Work and it’s a great example for your children. Same if you have a big garden that you spend a lot of time cultivating, or do a lot of home renovation (with your two hands). Unfortunately, most SAHMs with school-age kids have nothing meaningful in their lives except gym, Target runs, and PTA gossip. They are the pathetic ones.

Maybe you should frame all your DCUM posts so your kids can recognize your contribution to the world. Otherwise, how will they know?

They see me being a kick-ass professional. They know I’ve got more going on than DCUM! Do you?

NP. No, they don't. They don't see you working because you've outsourced them. They're at school and/or you've paid someone else to take care of them. And you're either trolling DCUM while you should be working or while you should be parenting. You don't sound kick ass at anything.

Lol... pot calling the kettle black?

Anyway, I bow down to your life accomplishment of getting that 10% Target coupon and racing through the aisles cheering with your children in the shopping cart. We should all be so lucky to have our children witness our greatest accomplishments 😂

Thanks. I'm not even a parent yet and I don't know what I'll do when that time comes. But it's clear that you're jealous of SAHMs.

NP. I have never been jealous of SAHMs. I would never want to be in their shoes. Ever.

[Anonymous]

I used to earn $150/hr running an org so that's how i value it. I do discount my rate to 100 for some things though.

[Anonymous]

Dammit! This is another mommy war. I thought it was a serious question about when to outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

You are saying that time spent with a person paid to be with you is equivalent to time spent with a parent. It’s not the same. Never will be. Of course not of zero value but not the same at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

You are saying that time spent with a person paid to be with you is equivalent to time spent with a parent. It’s not the same. Never will be. Of course not of zero value but not the same at all.

You have zero proof of that. None whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

You are saying that time spent with a person paid to be with you is equivalent to time spent with a parent. It’s not the same. Never will be. Of course not of zero value but not the same at all.

You have zero proof of that. None whatsoever.

Do you need me to explain to you the difference between a familial relationship and that of an employee? Are you a human? Just because something cannot be measured in a quantifiable way doesn’t mean it is meaningless. Love makes the world go round but it cannot be measured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol... pot calling the kettle black?

Anyway, I bow down to your life accomplishment of getting that 10% Target coupon and racing through the aisles cheering with your children in the shopping cart. We should all be so lucky to have our children witness our greatest accomplishments 😂

Your greatest accomplishment is your internalized misogyny. Keep on mocking women for grocery shopping, pp. We know you're dying inside because your husband doesn't do shit at home and you're close to getting fired.

+1. This is a really sad way of looking at other women and it definitely doesn’t make you look better by comparison.

Nope. I do grocery shopping too. It’s not my greatest accomplishment though My kids are obviously, but even other than that, I do actual stuff not watch soap operas.

So you work full time and do everything else? You mean your husband doesn't grocery shop? You are not empowered at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

If you have a passion and you devote a meaningful amount of time to it, then that is Work and it’s a great example for your children. Same if you have a big garden that you spend a lot of time cultivating, or do a lot of home renovation (with your two hands). Unfortunately, most SAHMs with school-age kids have nothing meaningful in their lives except gym, Target runs, and PTA gossip. They are the pathetic ones.

Maybe you should frame all your DCUM posts so your kids can recognize your contribution to the world. Otherwise, how will they know?

They see me being a kick-ass professional. They know I’ve got more going on than DCUM! Do you?

NP. No, they don't. They don't see you working because you've outsourced them. They're at school and/or you've paid someone else to take care of them. And you're either trolling DCUM while you should be working or while you should be parenting. You don't sound kick ass at anything.

Lol... pot calling the kettle black?

Anyway, I bow down to your life accomplishment of getting that 10% Target coupon and racing through the aisles cheering with your children in the shopping cart. We should all be so lucky to have our children witness our greatest accomplishments 😂

Thanks. I'm not even a parent yet and I don't know what I'll do when that time comes. But it's clear that you're jealous of SAHMs.

NP. I have never been jealous of SAHMs. I would never want to be in their shoes. Ever.

Why would you respond to a post that is meant for a particular poster? Nobody ever said YOU were jealous of SAHMs. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Curious if all these SAHM haters pay their daycare or nannies since they don't seem to think it's work?

CAN YOU READ? I don't understand why you are so hell bent on misrepresenting what people are saying. Many posters have acknowledged that childcare is work. The issue is with posters listing things beyond the hours of childcare per week that SAHMs provide and acting like WOHMs don't do those same things.

The assumption is that most WOHMs are outsourcing childcare during the day, and then splitting all other tasks 50/50 with their working spouse when at home. I would say that most SAHMs do the tasks you and your spouse would split 50/50 after work, allowing their spouses to devote more time to their careers. At least that's how it is with many SAHMs I know, many military or with other spouses with intense work schedules. So while most WOHMs are doing everything that SAHMs are doing, WOHMs are doing those things in smaller quantities and splitting the difference with SAHDs, or hiring outside help for cleaning, etc. If you are actually working full time as well as doing everything else a SAHM is doing (apart from childcare while at work) you need to have a conversation with your husband about a more equitable division of household labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

You are saying that time spent with a person paid to be with you is equivalent to time spent with a parent. It’s not the same. Never will be. Of course not of zero value but not the same at all.

You have zero proof of that. None whatsoever.

Do you need me to explain to you the difference between a familial relationship and that of an employee? Are you a human? Just because something cannot be measured in a quantifiable way doesn’t mean it is meaningless. Love makes the world go round but it cannot be measured.

Oh my goodness. You're honestly too dumb to continue talking to. Enjoy your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Curious if all these SAHM haters pay their daycare or nannies since they don't seem to think it's work?

CAN YOU READ? I don't understand why you are so hell bent on misrepresenting what people are saying. Many posters have acknowledged that childcare is work. The issue is with posters listing things beyond the hours of childcare per week that SAHMs provide and acting like WOHMs don't do those same things.

The assumption is that most WOHMs are outsourcing childcare during the day, and then splitting all other tasks 50/50 with their working spouse when at home. I would say that most SAHMs do the tasks you and your spouse would split 50/50 after work, allowing their spouses to devote more time to their careers. At least that's how it is with many SAHMs I know, many military or with other spouses with intense work schedules. So while most WOHMs are doing everything that SAHMs are doing, WOHMs are doing those things in smaller quantities and splitting the difference with SAHDs, or hiring outside help for cleaning, etc. If you are actually working full time as well as doing everything else a SAHM is doing (apart from childcare while at work) you need to have a conversation with your husband about a more equitable division of household labor.

Ok, I'm not sure you make any sense.

Are you saying that SAHMs do more than WOHMs because SAHMs have worthless husbands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

You are saying that time spent with a person paid to be with you is equivalent to time spent with a parent. It’s not the same. Never will be. Of course not of zero value but not the same at all.

You have zero proof of that. None whatsoever.

Do you need me to explain to you the difference between a familial relationship and that of an employee? Are you a human? Just because something cannot be measured in a quantifiable way doesn’t mean it is meaningless. Love makes the world go round but it cannot be measured.

Oh my goodness. You're honestly too dumb to continue talking to. Enjoy your life.

Weird flex but ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

You are me only I live in NE. I do some freelance work but mostly I take care of my DD and take care of our house. We should hang out!

I feel like my SAHM work has tremendous value. For starters, it's saving us tens of thousands of dollars in childcare and what I offer is MUCH higher quality than anything we found when we were looking for childcare back when I was pregnant. I also believe that the time I spend with my daughter has real value to her, specifically. That doesn't mean a well-qualified nanny couldn't do it, just that I know *for sure* that my DD is getting value from the time we spend together. I take her hiking and for neighborhood walks and we talk about the world and nature and science and philosophy (I mean, at a PK level, we're not doing chemistry). We also go to museums and I've been teaching her to play the guitar (well, a ukulele, but it's a start). Oh and I've been teaching her yoga and ballet, too (I used to teach both). I also just love her -- I love hearing what she has to say and learning what interests her and what she finds amusing. My husband does this too when he is with her, but it's built on a groundwork of what I do with her during the week. I've set a standard and tone for our joint parenting and he can build off of that when he is with her.

I think it would be really hard to find a nanny who takes the job as seriously as I do and works as hard at it. Not impossible, but hard. Luckily, I love doing it so we didn't have to go looking for such a person only to find out that we could never in a million years afford her.

I know my worth.

I'd love to interview your daughter and the daughter of another well-off family living in NE who had a loving and wonderful nanny and engaged parents who happened to work when both girls are 25 and see what the difference ended up being.

Of course your daughter is getting value from the time you spend together. What you can't say is whether she's getting more value than another child with similarly situated parents. Of course you will tell yourself that's true, but you can't prove it.

PP here. I highlighted the several places in my post where I stated that a think a well-qualified nanny could do what I do. It's simply that she would cost a lot (almost certainly more than I made before I left my job to SAHM, far outside of our budget for childcare) and could be very challenging to find. Nothing about my post was about "proving" that I, as a SAHM, am giving my kid more than another parent is giving. I don't know your life. I assume you are maxing out to give your child what they need because that's how I approach it, too.

It's weird that you read a competition into this where there isn't one. The thread title is "If you're a SAHM, how do you value your work?" I explained, as a SAHM, how I value my work. I think it's an important question to ask because when you're a SAHM, people treat you like you're just sitting around doing nothing all day or like you're doing something anyone could do. But not everyone could, or would, do what I'm doing. It's hard work. It has value.