If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

Right which is why it’s fair to say they contribute less to society than working parents.

i.e. the work of raising children and running households, unpaid labor collectively done by women throughout the course of history, has contributed less to society than the paid labor or specialized efforts of men. That's what you're really saying here, pp. You're saying that women aren't as valuable unless they take on roles traditionally associated with men. It's not a WOHM vs. SAHM debate at all.

[Anonymous]

As a nanny or teacher would value her work, I suppose. Maybe a little less since I have a vested interest in my kid’s well-being and love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Not all SAHMs are educated. In fact, most aren’t, more than some basic degree in communications or something. Most of the educated people I know are ambitious...

[Anonymous]

I value my nanny for how well she teaches my child. She plays with her in different ways than I do, which is awesome because then my child gets a well-rounded experience. And she reinforces good manners and being kind. She’s such a cool and energetic person to be around. She’s also made friends with all the neighborhood kids and nannies, so my child has continued to have outdoor playdates throughout most of the pandemic. So I would say, if a SAHM does similar, she should be proud!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

My friends tell me how much they envy me my nanny! She’s very engaged and my child is a standout as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

Whether you meant it to or not, your post makes you sound terribly insecure. None of us care where your degree is from. Do you not realize how many working moms on here have kids that are well-rounded and thriving?

Your colleagues envy your DH that your being a SAHP probably frees him to work long hours with no thought to what's happening with his kids. Esp. if those colleagues are female and are doing major double-duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

You’re trying way too hard, PP. Don’t get your validation from your husband. You tell me your value and worth!

BTW, our nanny is Ivy educated, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Not all SAHMs are educated. In fact, most aren’t, more than some basic degree in communications or something. Most of the educated people I know are ambitious...

I don’t know where you live but every mother I know SAH or otherwise has a college degree (hence, they are educated)

And you know as well as I that not all educated people are “ambitious” (to fit your standard).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

Your post made me sad for you. You never said how you feel about what you’re doing - but mentioned twice how your husband feels about your worth. You sound like Betty draper from Mad Men. How you feel about you is what matters.

Please think about this, PP. Your comment is heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

You’re trying way too hard, PP. Don’t get your validation from your husband. You tell me your value and worth!

BTW, our nanny is Ivy educated, too.

I’m not sure why you think I am trying too hard. DH loves me. We love our kids. We are doing what we think is best for our family.

You do what is best for your kids and we are doing what we think is best for ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

Your post made me sad for you. You never said how you feel about what you’re doing - but mentioned twice how your husband feels about your worth. You sound like Betty draper from Mad Men. How you feel about you is what matters.

Please think about this, PP. Your comment is heartbreaking.

I am at the beach with my kids right now in the middle of a pandemic. We are having a great time. Today was 88 degrees and sunny. Your heart does not have to break for me.

We ski when we want. We read. We bake. We go on stroller walks and hikes. I feel really fortunate that I am not working and home. I think it would be much more stressful to juggle kids and work in the middle of a pandemic.

Pp is the one who said a SAHM has a nanny’s job and not respected.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I used to be very ambitious. I juggled working mom life for years. DH earns a seven figure income and I kept trying to work less so I could spend more time with my children. I have held senior positions and have a lot of savings. I kind of treat my life as if I am retired. We travel 6-8 weeks per year normally and I would not be able to do that if I were working. During this pandemic, we have probably been on vacation 6-8 months, not weeks. I would not have been able to do that if I were working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you value a good nanny’s work? And a great housekeeper? And a home manager? And a personal chef? That’s the roughly job of a SAHP - man or woman.

I don't agree with this way of looking at it. All WOH/WAH parents still have to do housekeeping, home managing, and cooking the meals. Some people outsource a lot of that but that is not limited to working parents, SAH parents outsource, too, if they have the funds.

So what it really comes down to is the difference between taking care of your children full-time vs. having someone assist with childcare while you work, usually for some part of the day. That's really the only difference with a SAHP.

NP here. So you’re saying a SAHM has the nanny job. I mean a really good college educated nanny’s job.

Essentially, yes. My DH and I both work. Between us we do all the household finances and management, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. Are you saying because we work that doesn't count, but for SAHMs it counts more?

No, I’m saying the SAHP has the nanny job. Nannies teach and care for the children. Some handle child-related chores like kids laundry and cooking for children.

And nannies aren’t respected so SAHP wouldn’t be either.

I’m an Ivy educated SAHM. DH always tells me how his colleagues and friends tell him how lucky he is to have me as a wife. My kids are thriving and well rounded. Many of his friends complain about their wives lack of being involved. DH is proud of me and my efforts with our children.

Your post made me sad for you. You never said how you feel about what you’re doing - but mentioned twice how your husband feels about your worth. You sound like Betty draper from Mad Men. How you feel about you is what matters.

Please think about this, PP. Your comment is heartbreaking.

I am at the beach with my kids right now in the middle of a pandemic. We are having a great time. Today was 88 degrees and sunny. Your heart does not have to break for me.

We ski when we want. We read. We bake. We go on stroller walks and hikes. I feel really fortunate that I am not working and home. I think it would be much more stressful to juggle kids and work in the middle of a pandemic.

Pp is the one who said a SAHM has a nanny’s job and not respected.

I think the point many of us on this thread have been trying to make is that it is a problem in our society that childcare is not valued. Both the SAHP and the nanny or any caretaker should be worthy of respect if they are good at their caretaking, because caretaking is important.

You, on the other hand, respond to all this by just bragging. You may be a great mom to your kids, but you come off as another insecure woman who has to brag about her wealth to make herself feel good about herself. It's annoying and gauche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again. I used to be very ambitious. I juggled working mom life for years. DH earns a seven figure income and I kept trying to work less so I could spend more time with my children. I have held senior positions and have a lot of savings. I kind of treat my life as if I am retired. We travel 6-8 weeks per year normally and I would not be able to do that if I were working. During this pandemic, we have probably been on vacation 6-8 months, not weeks. I would not have been able to do that if I were working.

Good for you. You have nothing in common with 99% of todays moms, SAH or otherwise.