If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

^16:50 again

I mean to add that while I see no point in comparing my child to an imaginary other child with a nanny, I can easily compare my child with me as a SAHM to my child with our next best childcare option, which was an in-home daycare I wasn't particularly keen on. I know FOR A FACT that my child is better off with me at home than in that daycare. Like any day of the week, I'll put money not that. That's why I decided to do it. This is what's best for my child. And I know that because I'm her mom and I'm an expert in my specific child and my specific family.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Curious if all these SAHM haters pay their daycare or nannies since they don't seem to think it's work?

CAN YOU READ? I don't understand why you are so hell bent on misrepresenting what people are saying. Many posters have acknowledged that childcare is work. The issue is with posters listing things beyond the hours of childcare per week that SAHMs provide and acting like WOHMs don't do those same things.

The assumption is that most WOHMs are outsourcing childcare during the day, and then splitting all other tasks 50/50 with their working spouse when at home. I would say that most SAHMs do the tasks you and your spouse would split 50/50 after work, allowing their spouses to devote more time to their careers. At least that's how it is with many SAHMs I know, many military or with other spouses with intense work schedules. So while most WOHMs are doing everything that SAHMs are doing, WOHMs are doing those things in smaller quantities and splitting the difference with SAHDs, or hiring outside help for cleaning, etc. If you are actually working full time as well as doing everything else a SAHM is doing (apart from childcare while at work) you need to have a conversation with your husband about a more equitable division of household labor.

Ok, I'm not sure you make any sense.

Are you saying that SAHMs do more than WOHMs because SAHMs have worthless husbands?

You believe a husband is worthless when because he's not pitching in to do the dishes while he's deployed? Is your reading comprehension that bad, or are you being intentionally obtuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol... pot calling the kettle black?

Anyway, I bow down to your life accomplishment of getting that 10% Target coupon and racing through the aisles cheering with your children in the shopping cart. We should all be so lucky to have our children witness our greatest accomplishments 😂

Your greatest accomplishment is your internalized misogyny. Keep on mocking women for grocery shopping, pp. We know you're dying inside because your husband doesn't do shit at home and you're close to getting fired.

+1. This is a really sad way of looking at other women and it definitely doesn’t make you look better by comparison.

Nope. I do grocery shopping too. It’s not my greatest accomplishment though My kids are obviously, but even other than that, I do actual stuff not watch soap operas.

You go grocery shopping at Target? Pro tip: you can order groceries online now. Work smarter, not harder.

[Anonymous]

Women, what the heck is going on in this (and every) thread in this subject. Could you take a look at yourselves. This is gross. I don't know a single man who would make the mean, sweeping generalizations in this thread about any woman, whether she's home with her kids or working out of the house. And if a man I work with made a crack about SAHMs shopping at Target, or one of my male neighbors said something derogatory about women who work, I'd clap back so fast their head would spin.

But here are a bunch of women ripping each other apart FOR NO REASON. Women have it hard enough in life without this sort of thing. If you are a woman who read this thread and felt bad about the way that you have arranged your family:

1) I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to feel bad about making what I'm sure was the best choice for YOUR family, and
2) Please do not channel those negative feelings into saying cruel things about women who are doing something different than you. That is not the solution.

Honestly.

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand about this is I don't ever see it in real life. I'm the only SAHM among my local friends and everyone is supportive. And I'm supportive of them! I don't really think they're running around saying/thinking this kind of shit behind my back and I'm certainly not saying/thinking any of it about them. The decision to stay at home or not for 99% of people I think is based on money and career path/goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't understand about this is I don't ever see it in real life. I'm the only SAHM among my local friends and everyone is supportive. And I'm supportive of them! I don't really think they're running around saying/thinking this kind of shit behind my back and I'm certainly not saying/thinking any of it about them. The decision to stay at home or not for 99% of people I think is based on money and career path/goals.

They aren't. If you look closely at the thread, esp. at the beginning, most people were arguing of course the work SAHMs do with their kids has worth.

these threads always devolve.