DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Why didn't the 2 of you work together to get both kids in bed before your respective Zoom calls?

Why the need to create a fight? Why the need for either of you to be martyrs? I'm assuming other issues in your relationship.

You both are at fault for handling the situation like children from the start.

[Anonymous]

I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

[Anonymous]

I’m just really envious your husband get a social visit pass no matter what is going on. What other parent is guaranteed weekly free time?

[Anonymous]

Sure DH should have adhered to a normal bedtime routine, but his poor behavior doesn't justify your poor behavior.

Your screaming and getting nasty over his Zoom call was inappropriate. You continuing the fight after his apology is also immature.

Having parents who have zero control of their emotions who engage in petty fights is far more damaging to a child long-term than 1 day/night of extended screen time.

The 2 of you need to get it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

I did. The girl with covid was picking up her severe covid case-DH from the hospital Monday night and said given his condition she needed to be available the first few nights of week (Mon-tues-weds) to help him at night. Another friend is married to a doctor who has night shift on Saturday and Sunday evening -- covid friend said can we just do fri then? After 10 months of Fri nights, I didn't think it was a huge ask to see if DH could handle tonight -- perhaps be late to his own call or ask if they could move it later -- in order to put kid to bed.

So it seems Thursday was an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not really. He gave him a phone to occupy him, he didn’t put him to sleep. Probably knowing that kid would still be awake with the phone when zoom calls ended , so mom can then conveniently do bed time. Old trick

He also left child in their bedroom instead of kids own room. That’s not bedtime, that’s shelving your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you overreacted, OP. I’m sorry! I have sympathy bc I know how annoying it is to put two kids to bed....but, if your DH helps the other six nights...then, I don’t see the issue?

The issue is OP resents her husband's weekly Friday night call with his friends. She has made herself into a martyr and since DH didn't choose to sacrifice himself the same way she has she is now at war with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

I did. The girl with covid was picking up her severe covid case-DH from the hospital Monday night and said given his condition she needed to be available the first few nights of week (Mon-tues-weds) to help him at night. Another friend is married to a doctor who has night shift on Saturday and Sunday evening -- covid friend said can we just do fri then? After 10 months of Fri nights, I didn't think it was a huge ask to see if DH could handle tonight -- perhaps be late to his own call or ask if they could move it later -- in order to put kid to bed.

So it seems Thursday was an option.

Dad could have rescheduled to another day as well.

[Anonymous]

Sure DH should have put the kid to bed before his call.

But you chose to miss your meeting with friends you could have left your child as they were and insisted DH deal with putting him to bed and any crankiness after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

I did. The girl with covid was picking up her severe covid case-DH from the hospital Monday night and said given his condition she needed to be available the first few nights of week (Mon-tues-weds) to help him at night. Another friend is married to a doctor who has night shift on Saturday and Sunday evening -- covid friend said can we just do fri then? After 10 months of Fri nights, I didn't think it was a huge ask to see if DH could handle tonight -- perhaps be late to his own call or ask if they could move it later -- in order to put kid to bed.

So it seems Thursday was an option.

Dad could have rescheduled to another day as well.

Yes, he could have, but since his is a long standing call in which the other man have already picked a date, and OP and her friends were actively picking a day and time it makes more sense for her to have presented the Thursday option. OP agreed with Friday to set a test/trap for her husband.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely some drama papas here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

I did. The girl with covid was picking up her severe covid case-DH from the hospital Monday night and said given his condition she needed to be available the first few nights of week (Mon-tues-weds) to help him at night. Another friend is married to a doctor who has night shift on Saturday and Sunday evening -- covid friend said can we just do fri then? After 10 months of Fri nights, I didn't think it was a huge ask to see if DH could handle tonight -- perhaps be late to his own call or ask if they could move it later -- in order to put kid to bed.

So it seems Thursday was an option.

Dad could have rescheduled to another day as well.

Yes, he could have, but since his is a long standing call in which the other man have already picked a date, and OP and her friends were actively picking a day and time it makes more sense for her to have presented the Thursday option. OP agreed with Friday to set a test/trap for her husband.

You are crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP this feels like it’s about so much more than one call for you. Outside that context it looks to me like you set your husband up and wildly overreacted. No judgement, I acted out this dynamic hundreds of times with my EX husband because I resented him so deeply. He might be truly inadequate, or you may be controlling, or both may be true - do some soul searching and figure that out. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

Oh come on. I am blown away by these responses. Whose definition of bedtime is letting their kids watch YouTube on a screen? He didn’t do it “his way” he just didn’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. These posts are in bizarro world. OP, rest assured every rational, logical person with cognitive function who reads your post would side with you.

+1.

+1

Trolls are out. OP, your DH was a selfish dick. Hope you can connect with your friends soon.