DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.

Glad you can laugh about it, OP. Hope you both can communicate better and work these things out a little less dramatically in the future.

[Anonymous]

It's healthy to have connections and your DH is fortunate he has such good friends. I'd encourage my DH to do the same- OP- just plan a different night during the week for you to have a break. It's so important to have a bit of "me" time right now for everyone going through this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I guess the little woman should shut up and put up. It’s all her fault anyway. Go make me a sandwich.

Oh the drama. Or she could have proceeded with her evening since no one actually did anything wrong.

Hopefully OP has settled down and can see she overreacted, then get to the bottom of what's really bothering her.

And hopefully husband has claimed his responsibility in it as well. It wasn’t a one sided issue.

Actually in this case it was. He literally did nothing wrong. Child was settled and would have fallen asleep, and probably enjoyed the extra treat of being in mommy and daddy's bed. Was not disrupting OP's time with her friends. What's the offense? Be specific.

Good luck getting an answer that makes any sense.

I think it actually depends what this kid is like in multiple ways. Ours don't get much TV (not none, but like 30 minutes/day), so if you gave one of them a phone & free reign at night, they would absolutely not go to sleep. They would be up 4 hours later, no problem. Said kid would then be a total mess the next day and ruin everyone's day. Giving him a phone and leaving him alone indefinitely if you'd agreed to do bedtime would be a complete fail. On the other hand, giving him a phone for 20 minutes instead of a story for one night would be no big deal at all. If your kid is one who would fall asleep in 20 minutes and could then be moved with no further consequences? Yeah, keeping up his end of the deal; no biggie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.

Sounds like you needed to communicate your expectations more clearly. AKA kid must be in his room and asleep before you can enjoy time with your friends. But if you don't actually enforce strict bedtime rules, hard to see what he did wrong other than the kid needed to be in his own room. If he knew you were planning to zoom in the BR, I would have been annoyed too (though not to the point of screaming at him in front of his friends).

Well she’s already been roasted for being too controlling. That was a couple pages ok where people were insisting one person can’t dictate parenting.
But seriously, come on. A father can be told to put the kid to bed without a manual. If he can’t, he’s not helping enough.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:When your partner asks for help, notice. If they’ve been giving you free and clear private time offer the same.

Agreed.

He did. Kid was fine. Her call was not being disrupted. Kid would have fallen asleep if she had let him be and not freaked out.

^^^ but that would have meant her accepting the fact that DH handled bedtime routine differently than she prefers, which seems to be the crux of this.

Just out of curiosity, do you all do this at work too? Like if you say that you are going to attend a meeting in someone’s place, do you actually just leave a voicemail saying your co-worker can’t make it?

Or do you just do this with your families?

Oh great, here we go with the poor analogies.

Make a better work analogy.

[Anonymous]

^^^ I challenge you to an analogy duel!

[Anonymous]

If the kid was playing on a screen in your bed, then why not send him to his own bedroom with the screen if that’s where you wanted to do your zoom call? Crisis averted.

[Anonymous]

You aren’t the most lax parent if your original post states “he didn’t even bother to read to the kid.” Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t the most lax parent if your original post states “he didn’t even bother to read to the kid.” Just saying.

We are pretty relaxed parents and stillness read to our children regularly. I am not sure that reading is a hallmark of rigidity.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t deal with both kids one night a week you have no business having 2 kids. Let your H have fun and get one night a week for yourself as well. You are abusive yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP here! 21 pages! I've informed DH he is a selfish, lazy dick and I am a controlling, micromanaging harpy with a martyr complex. We spent a good deal of time arguing last night, came to somewhat of a resolution.

The difficult kid is 6, has behavior problems generally that lead to him frequently crawling out of bed and getting into trouble unless sound asleep and we were aiming for 8pm bedtime.

We are the most lax family ever, probably part of the problem that we dont live by strict rules. I had planned on doing my zoom call from our bedroom, so finding a child in there watching youtube was disruptive.

I’m glad you worked it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the kid was playing on a screen in your bed, then why not send him to his own bedroom with the screen if that’s where you wanted to do your zoom call? Crisis averted.

I’m sure that she could have done a lot of things if her husband had told her that he couldn’t put the child to bed. But that’s not what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t deal with both kids one night a week you have no business having 2 kids. Let your H have fun and get one night a week for yourself as well. You are abusive yes.

It’s so interesting that people think that others should listen to their opinion even when they didn’t read the thread or try to understand the problem.
What do you think that’s about, pp? What made you feel compelled to post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the kid was playing on a screen in your bed, then why not send him to his own bedroom with the screen if that’s where you wanted to do your zoom call? Crisis averted.

I’m sure that she could have done a lot of things if her husband had told her that he couldn’t put the child to bed. But that’s not what happened.

As a veteran parent and all around normal person, if I walked into my room and was surprised to see Larlo playing on a screen in my room minutes before I planned to hop on zoom from my bed (which imho is weird), then my first reaction would not be to track down my DH and yell at him to handle it. Instead, I would have simply told the kid to take the phone to his bedroom and play quietly.

Crisis averted.

If the kid was still up after both parents were done zooming, then I would tell DH to retrieve the phone and finish putting the kid to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the kid was playing on a screen in your bed, then why not send him to his own bedroom with the screen if that’s where you wanted to do your zoom call? Crisis averted.

I’m sure that she could have done a lot of things if her husband had told her that he couldn’t put the child to bed. But that’s not what happened.

As a veteran parent and all around normal person, if I walked into my room and was surprised to see Larlo playing on a screen in my room minutes before I planned to hop on zoom from my bed (which imho is weird), then my first reaction would not be to track down my DH and yell at him to handle it. Instead, I would have simply told the kid to take the phone to his bedroom and play quietly.

Crisis averted.

If the kid was still up after both parents were done zooming, then I would tell DH to retrieve the phone and finish putting the kid to sleep.

I’d send them to sit in dads lap.