DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

this whole time, i have put our older, harder to get to bed child to bed on fri nights since March so he could do this call. This week several friends, including one with covid, asked to do a fri night zoom call. I told him in advance and asked if he could deal with tougher bedtime kid.

I put younger child to bed, house was silent and dark and assumed older was asleep too when DH logged onto his standing zoom call. Turns out, he had not even bothered to read to older child, he had handed him his phone to watch youtube in a dark room -- our bedroom -- while continuing with his fri night business like he has for the past 10 months. I lost it and started shouting.

He begged off his call and now says I am an abusive spouse who has embarrassed him.

[Anonymous]

Woof I’m so sorry op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this whole time, i have put our older, harder to get to bed child to bed on fri nights since March so he could do this call. This week several friends, including one with covid, asked to do a fri night zoom call. I told him in advance and asked if he could deal with tougher bedtime kid.

I put younger child to bed, house was silent and dark and assumed older was asleep too when DH logged onto his standing zoom call. Turns out, he had not even bothered to read to older child, he had handed him his phone to watch youtube in a dark room -- our bedroom -- while continuing with his fri night business like he has for the past 10 months. I lost it and started shouting.

He begged off his call and now says I am an abusive spouse who has embarrassed him.

You told him in advance about your call snd asked him to take care of DCs bedtime. Did he agree to that? If so what’s the problem? It’s nothing to kill your kid to miss a story for one night.

[Anonymous]

Why did you agree to a call at the same time as his existing call? Why didn't you ask your friend's to do your call Saturday night and he could cover the kids then?

[Anonymous]

I think you overreacted and owe him an apology.

[Anonymous]

A regularly scheduled call with friends seems pretty healthy during the pandemic. Its better than him being antisocial or heavily drinking by himself. I sense a bit of jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you agree to a call at the same time as his existing call? Why didn't you ask your friend's to do your call Saturday night and he could cover the kids then?

Oh my, you dont get it at all. It's her freaking turn. The husband needs to step up and own up to half of all household and childcare duties. He is lazy and selfish.

[Anonymous]

What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

[Anonymous]

Its one night which you knew about. Why can't you and your friends do a Saturday night zoom call?

No one's going anywhere anyway.

[Anonymous]

Its one night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you agree to a call at the same time as his existing call? Why didn't you ask your friend's to do your call Saturday night and he could cover the kids then?

Oh my, you dont get it at all. It's her freaking turn. The husband needs to step up and own up to half of all household and childcare duties. He is lazy and selfish.

There are 7 days in a week. She deliberately scheduled a call to interfere with her husband's connection with his friends and unloaded on him mid-call. That's called spousal abuse and if the situation was switched you all would be telling her to get a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

I did. The girl with covid was picking up her severe covid case-DH from the hospital Monday night and said given his condition she needed to be available the first few nights of week (Mon-tues-weds) to help him at night. Another friend is married to a doctor who has night shift on Saturday and Sunday evening -- covid friend said can we just do fri then? After 10 months of Fri nights, I didn't think it was a huge ask to see if DH could handle tonight -- perhaps be late to his own call or ask if they could move it later -- in order to put kid to bed.

[Anonymous]

Your DH agreed to step us so he should have stepped up. I do understand why you were upset. You've been handling it every Friday for months so he gets time with his friends and it was definitely shitty that he couldn't do the same for you even once.

That said, you both seem to have a problem with absolutism. Zoom calls aren't locked to participation after they begin. Either one, or both of you could have dialed in late and said you had a hard time getting the kids down and none of your friends would have been upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What your DH did was shitty, and I would be pissed, too. But, your husband has a regular standing call on Friday night, so you should have asked your friends to have your call on a different night.

That is bullshit.

This is a great example of ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ She was accommodating and facilitated his zoom call every week even though the fair thing would have been to alternate weeks. The ONE time she has plans he can’t step up???? That is seriously messed up. He’s completely taking advantage of her goodwill. Some people respond to kindness in kind and others view it as weakness to be exploited. Her husband is the later.

[Anonymous]

JFC let your husband have some fun and learn how to deal with your kids... you only have 2 it’s not that hard.