DH has had a standing fri night zoom call with college buddies since pandemic began

[Anonymous]

I'm team OP for the circumstances of the call tonight (although you should have gone on the call and vented to your girlfriends, not blown up your chance to have a visit), but why on earth are either of you scheduling zoom calls that begin before bedtime? Are you the only ones in your friend groups with kids?

DH has had "standing" zoom calls (that he chooses to join or not join, but it's nice to have the option) all through the pandemic and he's never dialed in before DD was down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not OP but letting kid stay up watching screens is literally the opposite of doing bedtime. WTF is wrong with you people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not OP but letting kid stay up watching screens is literally the opposite of doing bedtime. WTF is wrong with you people.

The kid already had 4 hours of tv today. That’s how they parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not OP but letting kid stay up watching screens is literally the opposite of doing bedtime. WTF is wrong with you people.

The kid already had 4 hours of tv today. That’s how they parent.

What does that have to do with bedtime being actually putting kid to sleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not OP but letting kid stay up watching screens is literally the opposite of doing bedtime. WTF is wrong with you people.

The kid already had 4 hours of tv today. That’s how they parent.

DP but just because they let a kid watch TV during the day doesn't mean they don't have a bedtime. The lengths people will go to to defend a guy's refusal to take any responsibility for his kids on this board never cease to amaze.

[Anonymous]

DP but just because they let a kid watch TV during the day doesn't mean they don't have a bedtime. The lengths people will go to to defend a guy's refusal to take any responsibility for his kids on this board never cease to amaze.

You're kidding, right? This board ALWAYS sides with the DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not really. He gave him a phone to occupy him, he didn’t put him to sleep. Probably knowing that kid would still be awake with the phone when zoom calls ended , so mom can then conveniently do bed time. Old trick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DP but just because they let a kid watch TV during the day doesn't mean they don't have a bedtime. The lengths people will go to to defend a guy's refusal to take any responsibility for his kids on this board never cease to amaze.

You're kidding, right? This board ALWAYS sides with the DW.

"Instead of handling the older kid's bedtime like he said he would he handed him a phone to play with and dialed in to his Zoom call."

"Sounds like he handled bedtime, b*tch! Why can't you put your two kids to sleep? He can't have one night every week, just because he promised otherwise??!"

[Anonymous]

Knowing the circumstances of why you asked for tonight off, he was a punk. He’s been off Friday bedtime detail for nearly a year.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op. I would be livid too. He's enjoyed his scheduled call.about 40 times, you wanted one night. He said he'd do a thing and didn't.

But let this blow over. Be very clear next time and hopefully he recognized he was being selfish

[Anonymous]

You can't do bedtime once a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this whole time, i have put our older, harder to get to bed child to bed on fri nights since March so he could do this call. This week several friends, including one with covid, asked to do a fri night zoom call. I told him in advance and asked if he could deal with tougher bedtime kid.

I put younger child to bed, house was silent and dark and assumed older was asleep too when DH logged onto his standing zoom call. Turns out, he had not even bothered to read to older child, he had handed him his phone to watch youtube in a dark room -- our bedroom -- while continuing with his fri night business like he has for the past 10 months. I lost it and started shouting.

He begged off his call and now says I am an abusive spouse who has embarrassed him.

Does your DH put both kids to bed specific days of the week? Like is he responsible for Saturday nights with the kids so you can call your friends or relax? Honestly, if the issue was that he didn’t read a bed time story and used an electronic babysitter for your son for one night, in the grand scheme of things so what? Your friend’s husband has Covid and you said that it was a priority for you to be on the call with your friends. As long as your kid is safe and not doing anything dangerous, he can be off schedule and less than ideal for one night with your DH doing the bare minimum.

Now if the issue is that your DH isn’t pulling his weight and you always have to put the oldest to bed all or most nights and you don’t get to carve out an evening once a week to be social with your friends or relax, that’s a different issue and you do need to address it in a calm moment. In general from what you’ve said, there seems to be a lack of consideration from your DH. I know when I would meet my friends out when my kids were young, we would wait until 7:30 when our kids were in bed to make it easier on the spouse. In addition, on weekends, DH and I would alternate mornings to be on deck with the kids so we each got one morning to sleep in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So rather than just wanting your DH to handle bedtime, you wanted him to handle bedtime EXACTLY the same way you would have. It's that attitude that is going to continue to cause problems in your marriage.

This. He handled it.

Not OP but letting kid stay up watching screens is literally the opposite of doing bedtime. WTF is wrong with you people.

The kid already had 4 hours of tv today. That’s how they parent.

DP but just because they let a kid watch TV during the day doesn't mean they don't have a bedtime. The lengths people will go to to defend a guy's refusal to take any responsibility for his kids on this board never cease to amaze.

He puts his kids to bed just not on Friday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

You sound like a psycho. You can’t give 1 night out of 7 ... wow!

And she can’t get 1 night in 10 months??? Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A regularly scheduled call with friends seems pretty healthy during the pandemic. Its better than him being antisocial or heavily drinking by himself. I sense a bit of jealousy.

Of course she’s jealous!

He gets to have her handle childcare for him so he can talk to his friends every week. The ONE time she needs his help so she talk to her friends, he passive aggressively gaslights her “I put the kid to bed” HAHa, he’s watching tv in bed! Sooo clever!

Who wouldn’t be jealous?