My freshman is unhappy

[Anonymous]

Most colleges will tell you don’t let the kid come home till thanksgiving, but with Covid who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, OP, do NOT call his RA.

I was an RA for three years of grad school. Parents do not call for things like this. The only time parents called me was on 9/11.

Except for the bizarre, neurotic foreign parent who didn't understand how college dorms work. She would talk at me for hours about her "child's" (the girl was two years younger than me) anxiety and kindergarten accomplishments.

All of the RAs, who are essentially kids who have undergone a week or two of team building exercises with the other RAs to train, gossip about the residents. The RAs have friends among the residents. Do not set your kid up for ridicule as the crybaby with the weird mom like this.

Don’t be the immature RA who gossips about students’ problems. Holy crap, is there no confidentiality?

I'm 41 years old now. The point is that I WAS an immature RA who gossiped about students' problems...and so were the majority of the other RAs. RAs are kids themselves. They are not teachers or principals at your kids' high schools. A parent contacting them in this way will not be productive.

[Anonymous]

And RA's need to talk to other RA's. It is hard job, and you often want to commiserate about the challenges you are encountering.

Do you think that teachers don't gossip about kids??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, OP, do NOT call his RA.

I was an RA for three years of grad school. Parents do not call for things like this. The only time parents called me was on 9/11.

Except for the bizarre, neurotic foreign parent who didn't understand how college dorms work. She would talk at me for hours about her "child's" (the girl was two years younger than me) anxiety and kindergarten accomplishments.

All of the RAs, who are essentially kids who have undergone a week or two of team building exercises with the other RAs to train, gossip about the residents. The RAs have friends among the residents. Do not set your kid up for ridicule as the crybaby with the weird mom like this.

Don’t be the immature RA who gossips about students’ problems. Holy crap, is there no confidentiality?

I'm 41 years old now. The point is that I WAS an immature RA who gossiped about students' problems...and so were the majority of the other RAs. RAs are kids themselves. They are not teachers or principals at your kids' high schools. A parent contacting them in this way will not be productive.

You were a kid in grad school?

[Anonymous]

At orientation, a RA spoke about a call from a parent asking the RA to check on her kid. It was a Friday night and she wanted her child to go out and not spend the evening in her room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh noes, your kid has been unhappy for less than a week?!

OP this is the time for your kid to learn. Grow up, figure things out for themselves. Unhappiness happens in life sometimes - let them mature and deal with it.

Do NOT call the RA! DO NOT DO THIS! Stop micromanaging and leave him be!

This.

Perspective - it’s been 1 week.

College is 4 yrs out of a lifetime. Don’t rush to bring your kid home. And tell them not to rush to come home. Every thing sucks a bit at first. And the anxiety - come on - everyone has had some anxiety in the past and he might be having it now but it doesn’t mean he can’t get through.

Be sympathetic but be honest this is a do it yourself thing and you can’t fix it for him. He can do this. He can be alone and be ok. He can be lonely some days and be ok. Part of the struggle is that many kids have never experienced these emotions and the emotions scare them.

Dp I really don't think you understand. If this was pre-covid I would say yes you are right they need to figure it out. But, these are NOT normal times. Kids are staying in their dorm rooms and not getting together. Clubs are cancelled and or drastically changed. Classes are being zoomed from their dorms! My kid can't sit outside because she is in a rural place and the wifi isn't that great.

So, unless you have a kid going through this particular time and this particular experience your "help" isn't helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most colleges will tell you don’t let the kid come home till thanksgiving, but with Covid who knows.

My kid is coming home and even in non covid times they can't force you to stay! Right now, college is being run like a jail but,it isn't jail. My kid"s advisor told her I understand why you want to go home and she is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid went thru this in non-covid times so coming home was not an option without dropping out. If my kid was going thru this now, I would give it another week or two and give him the option to come home and finish the semester online.

I"m the person whose dd is coming home. If you leave before the end of the first week you get your dorm money back. If he leaves three weeks later probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him if he wants to switch a class or two, he can. Otherwise, tell him he needs to give himself more than a week. JUST a week is ridiculous. I'd basically give the "toughen up, kid - we're all depressed" speech.

Do you have a kid that is starting college during Covid. If not, your opinion isn't really relevant here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord. Let him be. Tell him to grow UP!

+1 Less than a week?! Do not call the RA!

Absolutely not! This is not helpful. Encourage him to join a club that interests him and to get involved. Also tell him that every freshman feels this way, even his roommate. It seems like people already have friends, but nothing is established right now. Everyone is in the same position as he is. He will meet people, but it can take a while for true friendships to be established. He needs to work through this on his own. Don’t call the school. You can check in with him by phone. Give him some time. The school May end up sending him home due to COVID anyway

I have a better idea. Why don't you move in with your son OP. I am sure you can hid and "take care' of your baby until he is HAPPY!

DP. I hope you're not this much of an ahole in real life. I'm sure OP was probably already stressed by the entire COVID uncertainty and this added to her stress.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a kid that is starting college during Covid. If not, your opinion isn't really relevant here.

Agree. That being said as a mom of twins starting college during COVID, I offer similar advice. BUT - everyone's case is different and what works for one kid might not for another. So, OP, please take all advice with grain of salt.

As for me and my situation....
Both my DD and DS are moving on campus (for how long remains to be seen) - both within driving distance.

DS already moved in and miserable now that fall soccer season postponed/cancelled. Several teammates and other athletes already quit and went home (apparently they can't even practice right now due to COVID concerns). My advice to DS was to suck it up and finish at least entire year. Soccer was postponed - who knows if there will be season in spring but you went to college for education not to play.

DD's campus move-in was pushed to September - all classes start online next week. Then after campus move-in, only 1 class will be in person (but that may change).

I am fine with both being on-campus. Majority of their friends are also on-campus. What happens next remains to be seen....will there be COVID outbreaks? 100% yes. Will all colleges/universities likely be 100% online at some point...most likely. Will that mean all kids are sent home? Depends on schools, unless the VA Governor issues a mandate.

If all classes end up being online for DS/DD and at that point they want to come home because the campus is "dead"....I would say ok....BUT deciding to actually quit school (dropping out) and come home is not an option for my kids. They have to stick it out at least 1 year and then transfer if still wanting to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most colleges will tell you don’t let the kid come home till thanksgiving, but with Covid who knows.

My kid is coming home and even in non covid times they can't force you to stay! Right now, college is being run like a jail but,it isn't jail. My kid"s advisor told her I understand why you want to go home and she is!

This shows the pickle that colleges are in.

If they are strict, some parents say it is like jail.

If they trust kids to be responsible, some parents say they are being unrealistic.

It is a no win all around!

[Anonymous]

Where is the Dad? He should be watching and helping him as well.

[Anonymous]

Your son should speak to his RA on his own. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do you have a kid that is starting college during Covid. If not, your opinion isn't really relevant here.

Agree. That being said as a mom of twins starting college during COVID, I offer similar advice. BUT - everyone's case is different and what works for one kid might not for another. So, OP, please take all advice with grain of salt.

As for me and my situation....
Both my DD and DS are moving on campus (for how long remains to be seen) - both within driving distance.

DS already moved in and miserable now that fall soccer season postponed/cancelled. Several teammates and other athletes already quit and went home (apparently they can't even practice right now due to COVID concerns). My advice to DS was to suck it up and finish at least entire year. Soccer was postponed - who knows if there will be season in spring but you went to college for education not to play.

DD's campus move-in was pushed to September - all classes start online next week. Then after campus move-in, only 1 class will be in person (but that may change).

I am fine with both being on-campus. Majority of their friends are also on-campus. What happens next remains to be seen....will there be COVID outbreaks? 100% yes. Will all colleges/universities likely be 100% online at some point...most likely. Will that mean all kids are sent home? Depends on schools, unless the VA Governor issues a mandate.

If all classes end up being online for DS/DD and at that point they want to come home because the campus is "dead"....I would say ok....BUT deciding to actually quit school (dropping out) and come home is not an option for my kids. They have to stick it out at least 1 year and then transfer if still wanting to leave.

My dd isnt dropping out. She is coming home but is going to zoom from home rather than her small dorm room!