My freshman is unhappy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a hard first semester, no friends, lonely. It was a character-building experience. We can’t swoop in and solve all our kid’s problems. I know covid makes things totally different, but just be a listening ear for him and ask him how he could change things. Don’t call his RA. Please

I agree with not calling the RA but your experience is not relevant to this situation. There are no activities going on and all their classes are zoom. They cant even eat in the caferteria and students are staying in the doom.

So dont talk about your experience because honestly you have no idea what kids are facing.

Okay sure, it’s different. Forget I brought up my experience. It sucks for them, big time. But come on, they’re not in the trenches of a war, watching their friends die on the battlefield. They’re not facing the gas chambers of the Holocaust or hiding in an attic for years like Anne Frank. They’re not living in a house with 3 other families sharing one bathroom because they can’t afford a bigger place for their family. If you swoop in and “rescue” these kids when life is uncomfortable and hard, they won’t be able to handle it themselves later. Life is hard. Life is unfair. Support them, help them if they’re in a mental health or physical crisis. But you can’t tell me that mom calling the RA after ONE week when life is different is going to help that kid grow as a person.

+100. We all know this is hard on freshmen but parents need to stop with the end of the world whining.

It's not end of the world whining. It's trying to decide whether being in the current on campus environment is worth it from a financial and emotional perspective. I think it's something that OP's kid should consider.

Mom to two currently in college here. Save the money on rent/dorm. It is absolutely not worth it. DL from home or defer a year.

[Anonymous]

My DS is in a similar situation. Freshman; making some friends but lonely and homesick. Not allowed to eave campus; not allowed to sit in other kids' rooms; masks required even outdoors when socially distance; most classes online only.

It is really rough. i told him to try to join any clubs he can, pour himself into classes, and give it a semester (which, realistically, is just until tHanksgiving, since his college is ending then in terms of in person classes). We said that if he is still miserable after that (and there has been no covid miracle) he can take his spring classes remotely from home, and/or and apply to transfer. He is on and off miserable but seems to agree that he needs to give it longer before making any real judgment. i

[Anonymous]

I agree with the other posters. See how a semester goes. if it is still bad, reconsider online school in the Spring. I bet many of his high school friends will be doing the same. Fortunately, my DD is a Junior with friends already. But, campus life is radically different and not the normal experience. Her school is saying that everyone should be 6 feet away with masks at all times. Don't think that the couples are going to follow these rules....

[Anonymous]

This is so difficult, OP. I'm an academic coach at health science center, and in the last few weeks I've met remotely with so many shell-shocked students who are lonely and already doubting their decision to matriculate. Our medical students started last week and there were already students crying by the third day because they're lonely and overwhelmed. Our dental students started last month and I can see that they're already starting to adjust. It just takes a bit of time and some encouragement to reach outside of their comfort zone to find new ways to connect. You might encourage him to see if he can schedule with a counselor on campus, although the wait times may be a few weeks. Most campuses have good support networks for students (advisors, RAs, student life staff, etc) who are eager to connect with students as they adjust to college life. Sending good thoughts to your son (and you!) during this difficult time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Thanks for all the advice. I really did read it.

Do you have relatives close by that could visit him over the weekend, have brunch together or something? An uncle or cousin? Pay for their ticket if that's an issue and they accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so difficult, OP. I'm an academic coach at health science center, and in the last few weeks I've met remotely with so many shell-shocked students who are lonely and already doubting their decision to matriculate. Our medical students started last week and there were already students crying by the third day because they're lonely and overwhelmed. Our dental students started last month and I can see that they're already starting to adjust. It just takes a bit of time and some encouragement to reach outside of their comfort zone to find new ways to connect. You might encourage him to see if he can schedule with a counselor on campus, although the wait times may be a few weeks. Most campuses have good support networks for students (advisors, RAs, student life staff, etc) who are eager to connect with students as they adjust to college life. Sending good thoughts to your son (and you!) during this difficult time.

This is a great answer, op. I'm sorry for your son, but please give him some time before suggesting he come home. I am super outgoing, and obviously went to school in a non-pandemic time, but I was even lonely the first couple of weeks. The only time in my life I have felt that.
BTW, my son is going to college as a freshman too, so maybe I"ll feel lonely soon too!

[Anonymous]

It’s particularly hard after all the hype spouted about the college experience. This is the COVID experience and not much fun.

[Anonymous]

OP- Go to the parents facebook pages and you will find other parents posting the same stuff about their kids. Coordinate with the parents to have 3 or 4 of them together and do something...
Right now it's tough- especially on the freshman, so there isn't anything wrong with trying to help your kids find some social outlets. I see similar posts from parents on my college aged kids parent fb pages and I feel for them.