SAHMS getting a job after divorce

[Anonymous]

On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to find a job after stbx moved out. I was in my 40s and did have jobs before I had my child, so it was a bit easier, but still not super easy.
I don’t think of it as of something tragic. People need to work to stay sharp and be productive. I enjoyed my years of raising my kid but nothing lasts forever.
As for the woman in question, don’t be surprised if she ends up with a nice spousal support package. It so much depends on so many things.

You meant to say rehabilitative support for (at most) 2 years while she transitions to become fully self supporting in her new full time job. Be grateful that women are now equal to men, those days are over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ But yiu are still a liar and a cheater, so there’s that.

Yeah. She’ll have to own that one day. I’m sure her Ex was thrilled to find out about the affair.

Maybe if more if these SAHMs got a job they wouldn’t have affairs. Too much time on their hands and boredom. It’s the ultimate back stab to cheat on somebody paying for your existence.

I’m the PP you’re referring to.

In a way I agree with you. I didn’t want to be a SAHM, but we had a lot of problems in our marriage and it was easier. I don’t want to get into the details, but my xH wasn’t supportive of my career because it interfered with his. It didn’t have anything to do with too much time on my hands. I have way more extra time now.

I do know that an affair was the wrong choice, but it was so hard not to give in after years of being denied love and affection. I totally understand why there are men here who think no sex means they’re entitled to an affair. I don’t think it’s the right choice - the right choice is of course to first work on your marriage and then divorce if it can’t be fixed. But touch and affection are basic human needs, so when someone does come along offering them, it’s like someone offering you a cheeseburger after you haven’t eaten in a week. I don’t fault anyone, male or female, for being human.

I did years of therapy and figured out the ultimate reason is that I struggled to draw boundaries, ask for my needs to be met, and could never end unhealthy relationships because I felt bad about it. Cheating was my way of getting my needs met while avoiding conflict. Now I know how develop a healthy relationship and how to end things when it’s unhealthy, so cheating isn’t an issue anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

Hell yeah!! All this women empowerment and they still want to be fully supported like the 1950s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to find a job after stbx moved out. I was in my 40s and did have jobs before I had my child, so it was a bit easier, but still not super easy.
I don’t think of it as of something tragic. People need to work to stay sharp and be productive. I enjoyed my years of raising my kid but nothing lasts forever.
As for the woman in question, don’t be surprised if she ends up with a nice spousal support package. It so much depends on so many things.

You meant to say rehabilitative support for (at most) 2 years while she transitions to become fully self supporting in her new full time job. Be grateful that women are now equal to men, those days are over.

This. Women want to be treated as equals. They can’t make it conditional or choose to be only when it benefits them or meets their needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

At least you didn’t intentionally harm a woman and kids you did not even know. I hold both parties 50% responsible and I will never understand how someone can live with themselves after inflicting severe pain and PTSD on someone they did not even know—and change the trajectory of the children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if it could be anyone—it was you (not you pp). Anyone who knows there are kids and a spouse and goes for it is an awful person, as much as the spouse.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who was recently divorced. Her ex-husband was moody, lied frequently about his whereabouts, and was just very difficult to live with. She had a hobby job. When she left, she made her hobby into a full time job and picked up a few little side gigs. She got half of their retirement savings and half of the equity on the house, which she put into retirement savings as well.
On paper, I suppose her standard of living is worse, but in reality, she is so much happier. She lives in a little studio apartment funded by her employer, while he still has the house. But she has a dock and a little boat in her backyard, a job she enjoys, time to do the things she loves, and the freedom to live her life without walking on eggshells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late. They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to find a job after stbx moved out. I was in my 40s and did have jobs before I had my child, so it was a bit easier, but still not super easy.
I don’t think of it as of something tragic. People need to work to stay sharp and be productive. I enjoyed my years of raising my kid but nothing lasts forever.
As for the woman in question, don’t be surprised if she ends up with a nice spousal support package. It so much depends on so many things.

You meant to say rehabilitative support for (at most) 2 years while she transitions to become fully self supporting in her new full time job. Be grateful that women are now equal to men, those days are over.

This. Women want to be treated as equals. They can’t make it conditional or choose to be only when it benefits them or meets their needs.

Men receive spousal support as well. I know more than one woman who has had to pay spousal support to an addict ex-husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

At least you didn’t intentionally harm a woman and kids you did not even know. I hold both parties 50% responsible and I will never understand how someone can live with themselves after inflicting severe pain and PTSD on someone they did not even know—and change the trajectory of the children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if it could be anyone—it was you (not you pp). Anyone who knows there are kids and a spouse and goes for it is an awful person, as much as the spouse.

Both guilty parties should be forced to sit through victim statements by betrayed spouse, kids and their families.