SAHMS getting a job after divorce

[Anonymous]

My friend who was also my neighbor did just that. She went to school and got a great job afterwards. She has full time custody. Her biological family really supported her. Her ex- life is in shambles and his kids do not think highly of him. He was 8 years her senior and had an affair. My friend dumped him like a hot brick and did not go through marital counselling to save the marriage. Her husband knew that there would be no second chances with her. She did not fight him, she just left with her kids to her parents house and divorced him.

She was a very traditional wife before that. Loved being a SAHM and actually grew veggies in her backyard. Every summer we all used to get lots of zucchini and squash from her. Very low key personality. Actually, we were shocked because no one expected her to be so strong or have a spine of steel. Her ex-DH cried at the court saying that he is extremely sorry and that he made a mistake. She just kept looking at him with no emotion on her face. I still get goosebumps when I think of that day. Currently, she is dating a really nice divorced dad but she has no interest in getting married again. She is quite a looker too.

I am quite sure some DCUM readers will identify who I am talking about. Except we will never acknowledge in real life that we read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Places like WalMart, Target, Joanne are always hiring. If her income is low enough, she will qualify for SNAP benefits and Medicaid. Her lifestyle will take a huge hit but she won't be homeless on the street.

If there's no prenup, she will be entitled to at least some spousal support. The courts in most states don't care if she had a thousand affairs.

In Virginia, they do.

No, VA does not really care.

Wrong. I just made absolutely sure my SAH wife who cheated and bled me dry financially for years got no spousal support. We were married 16 years. Had she not had an affair (documented by a private investigator and proven in court), she might have received $4,000 or $5,000 a month per month.


I do pay child support, happily and reliably.


I did catch her telling a friend she was going to fight getting a job to drive THAT up. Judge wasn't impressed. Imputed an income for her of $55,000, since she had a college degree, several certificates and had once been a senior executive at an ad agency.


My lawyer said this is par for the course if you can prove adultery. Even in a no-fault divorce.

Yes, that is true that the offending party can be denied spousal support. However, in many cases, if both spouses work, the woman is not getting spousal support anyway. So moot.

Also, if the husband cheats, and he earns more, he is not getting spousal support anyway. And everything I have read says Va courts do not care from that angle and will not punish the husband or higher earning spouse to pay more in spousal support than they would have other wise to punish them. In those cases, it really has no effect. The offending spouse (cheater) will not pay more spousal support.

The only time someone loses if they are the cheater and don't work or make very little, then yes, they could lose spousal support. But spousal support is not an automatic thing these days.

Yes, I am divorced. I could not get spousal support as soon as I went back to work. I wanted to leave earlier. My spouse threatened to drive up legal fees on purpose rather than paying any spousal support whatsoever despite me following his career and sacrificing my own career trajectory. He refused to divorce amicably and refused to pay spousal support. I could have insisted, but it would have hurt the kids. There was no cheating--but I read every single thing and consulted 3 attorneys on every aspect of divorce law when I was dealing with this (and it is recent).

Yes. If you are the cheater AND the one without a job. Good luck. You are screwed- no pun intended.

Pp here. And that was my situation.

[Anonymous]

Madeline Albright had to get a job in her forties after divorce. She became the first female Secretary of State.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Madeline Albright had to get a job in her forties after divorce. She became the first female Secretary of State.

She already had a PhD. She was not starting from scratch or anything. She was already working as an aide for a Senator the year before her divorce. That is no comparison. At all.

[Anonymous]

Does this person know what a great friend you are OP? You need to seek therapy why you care so much. You sound really bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Madeline Albright had to get a job in her forties after divorce. She became the first female Secretary of State.

She already had a PhD. She was not starting from scratch or anything. She was already working as an aide for a Senator the year before her divorce. That is no comparison. At all.

Yep she was pretty established. Also her kids were adults already when she got a divorce.

[Anonymous]

I live in NW DC. All the moms I know have done fine post-divorce and most of them need to work. I went back to work after my divorce, and I love my career.

Divorce is so hard, especially if it's for one of the most common reasons: infidelity, alcohol/addiction, or mental illness. But if you were dealing with an ex with these problems during the marriage, chances are that you'll do better once you get away from the person. All that energy you once spent focused on helping/fixing him/her can be spent on yourself, your career and you kids.

I don't know any divorced moms who are struggling badly five years post-divorce - not in my area - but that's just because we live in a bubble here.

I've been happy to find that employers don't really care if you stayed at home with your kids for. while. They care about your skills, your brain, your maturity, and what you can do for the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two friends recently divorced and while they were not SAHMs they had hobby very PT jobs. Both remain in the marital home and both have boyfriends that continue to fund fancy vacations. One had to find a FT job, the other seems to work less. It’s all individual circumstance.

I think that will be very difficult for her. She is turning 50 soon and never had a lucrative job/career prior to marriage. No idea why she put herself in a position to have multiple affairs behind her husband’s back when she can’t support herself. Ain’t no spring chicken.

Wow, you are nasty. I think you might want to take some of that energy and put it into figuring out why you're such a vile, angry shrew. Why do you care so much?

Also, I have to say that the divorcing mom will probably do just fine, one way or another. If she's turning fifty, she will get a lot of rehabilitative support until she's financially stable. In the meantime she might meet someone else and get remarried. She can work, just like everyone else.

While I HATE cheating and cheaters, I also understand that I don't really know anything about anyone else's marriage, so I don't make nasty statements like you do. I have no idea if the husband was cheating too, or if this woman is really having multiple affairs - how exactly would you know that about someone anyhow?

You're just nasty.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters deserve the worst. I don’t care what kind of marriage they had. If they get involved with a married person they are scum too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love to hear the above. She was very self righteous. Very much “my affairs are saving my marriage”. Get to work Ho!!

So really, this whole thread is about your grudge against her.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My cousin retired at 55 after a successful career. He now works part-time at Target and loves it. Don't knock it. He said tons of retirees work there.

The key is this man has a RETIREMENT. I know plenty of people that take jobs they love at retirement and not out of necessity.

My mom is similar she has taken on employment at places she loves.

This affair woman going behind her husband's back with kids that are still in high school--haven't even hit college does not have a retirement. She did not have any career, much less a successful one. She betrayed the man multiple times that has set her up in her McMansion while she boned other men.

Wow. You're really invested in this woman's downfall.

Totally. As she was in mine. Stalked me online for years before I ever knew about her.

Break the cycle OP. For yourself.

I am. Once her husband knows everything and my therapist calls, I’m done and won’t look back. I have a good career and good morals and wonderful extended family. She can sit and think about the kind of life she chose to live.

What does your therapist have to do with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin retired at 55 after a successful career. He now works part-time at Target and loves it. Don't knock it. He said tons of retirees work there.

The key is this man has a RETIREMENT. I know plenty of people that take jobs they love at retirement and not out of necessity.

My mom is similar she has taken on employment at places she loves.

This affair woman going behind her husband's back with kids that are still in high school--haven't even hit college does not have a retirement. She did not have any career, much less a successful one. She betrayed the man multiple times that has set her up in her McMansion while she boned other men.

Wow. You're really invested in this woman's downfall.

Totally. As she was in mine. Stalked me online for years before I ever knew about her.

Break the cycle OP. For yourself.

I am. Once her husband knows everything and my therapist calls, I’m done and won’t look back. I have a good career and good morals and wonderful extended family. She can sit and think about the kind of life she chose to live.

What does your therapist have to do with this?

Calling the spouse. He needs to get tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin retired at 55 after a successful career. He now works part-time at Target and loves it. Don't knock it. He said tons of retirees work there.

The key is this man has a RETIREMENT. I know plenty of people that take jobs they love at retirement and not out of necessity.

My mom is similar she has taken on employment at places she loves.

This affair woman going behind her husband's back with kids that are still in high school--haven't even hit college does not have a retirement. She did not have any career, much less a successful one. She betrayed the man multiple times that has set her up in her McMansion while she boned other men.

Wow. You're really invested in this woman's downfall.

Totally. As she was in mine. Stalked me online for years before I ever knew about her.

Break the cycle OP. For yourself.

I am. Once her husband knows everything and my therapist calls, I’m done and won’t look back. I have a good career and good morals and wonderful extended family. She can sit and think about the kind of life she chose to live.

What does your therapist have to do with this?

Calling the spouse. He needs to get tested.

Your therapist is calling this woman’s husband to tell him his wife is having an affair? Your therapist has serious ethical issues.

[Anonymous]

NP. I think therapists should be ethically bound to tell a spouse their health is at risk. If they know their client us having unprotected sex and still screwing the spouse I think that should be required disclosure. I sure as hell wish somebody had told me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I think therapists should be ethically bound to tell a spouse their health is at risk. If they know their client us having unprotected sex and still screwing the spouse I think that should be required disclosure. I sure as hell wish somebody had told me.

The therapist’s ethical obligation is to maintain client confidentiality. Who would trust a therapist if they knew the therapist could randomly decide they should share the patient’s confidences with others the therapist felt had a significant interest in the information?