SAHMS getting a job after divorce

[Anonymous]

Why would anyone decide to not talk about their ex-es affair? That’s on them. Grow a spine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

At least you didn’t intentionally harm a woman and kids you did not even know. I hold both parties 50% responsible and I will never understand how someone can live with themselves after inflicting severe pain and PTSD on someone they did not even know—and change the trajectory of the children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if it could be anyone—it was you (not you pp). Anyone who knows there are kids and a spouse and goes for it is an awful person, as much as the spouse.

Both guilty parties should be forced to sit through victim statements by betrayed spouse, kids and their families.

I don’t think that would have the impact you think it does. They likely don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late. They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.

I don’t know any woman who divorced thinking they would get a ton of money, and they were all happy to give up money for their freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

At least you didn’t intentionally harm a woman and kids you did not even know. I hold both parties 50% responsible and I will never understand how someone can live with themselves after inflicting severe pain and PTSD on someone they did not even know—and change the trajectory of the children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if it could be anyone—it was you (not you pp). Anyone who knows there are kids and a spouse and goes for it is an awful person, as much as the spouse.

Both guilty parties should be forced to sit through victim statements by betrayed spouse, kids and their families.

I don’t think that would have the impact you think it does. They likely don’t care.

True. Narcissists, BPD are at the heart of affairs and require and extreme amount of self-centeredness. Th ability to feel empathy or see that their actions have consequences is missing in these screwed up, broken people. So, they continue to go through life thinking of their own self-conceived “pain”.

[Anonymous]

Very true. OW never offered an apology. Only wanted to talk about her prior pain that drive her to screw over my family and me. Not even knowing me or caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

At least you didn’t intentionally harm a woman and kids you did not even know. I hold both parties 50% responsible and I will never understand how someone can live with themselves after inflicting severe pain and PTSD on someone they did not even know—and change the trajectory of the children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if it could be anyone—it was you (not you pp). Anyone who knows there are kids and a spouse and goes for it is an awful person, as much as the spouse.

Both guilty parties should be forced to sit through victim statements by betrayed spouse, kids and their families.

What is wrong with you? That is 100 time worse than the original offense. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late. They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.

I don’t know any woman who divorced thinking they would get a ton of money, and they were all happy to give up money for their freedom.

+1

It is not the old days. Women are not being supported post-divorce. People who think otherwise have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

Custody based child support is a completely different thing: CS supports the CHILDREN... not the ex wife. I have zero qualms with state mandated/formula based child support.

This thread is about SPOUSAL support. Thank god those archaic laws have been (mostly) reformed so that never again would an EX wives get paid by her EX husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late. They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.

I don’t know any woman who divorced thinking they would get a ton of money, and they were all happy to give up money for their freedom.

+1

It is not the old days. Women are not being supported post-divorce. People who think otherwise have no clue.

The original question was SAHM.

A woman who is a SAHM in a long-term relationship will get spousal support. Typically for half the length of the marriage and if married over 20 years, lifetime. Especially if the husband is a high earner.

[Anonymous]

My husbands ex was a SAHM. When kids went to school, he tried to get her to go back to work. She refused. They had many issues, and her refusing to work was a sore spot with him. His mom worked, and her mom worked, so his norm was a working mom. She went back to college, graduated, then got a part time job. She didn’t like it so she quit. And that was it. He left. They were married a total of 13 years - to include time separated pending divorce.
I met him post divorce. He lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment. He was paying 65% of his income to her. I get supporting the kids, but it really hurt that he had to continue supporting someone who had refused to work. She also told the kids he wasn’t giving her enough, and that is why they had to move. They moved because she wanted to move closer to her boyfriend.Ultimatly, she got a job and from what I can tell is successful.
Kids are grown now. She gets part of his retirement.
She’s been with the same boyfriend as long as my husband and I have been together - which is longer than they were married. They will never get married because she doesn’t want to lose part of his retirement.
So, from my POV, husbands Often get screwed in divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM, had an affair, and got divorced. I don’t know why people think going back to work is a negative thing, I really enjoy working.

Life is definitely better now. Kids are with their dad 50% of the time so I actually have more free time now than as a SAHM. My ex controlled all the money, so even though I make less than him, my standard of living is higher. There’s no shortage of men to date. Life’s pretty good.

You didn't have much free time as you were too busy juggling affairs.

PP here. Okay, this made me chuckle

But no, I only had one, and it was very short-lived. I date regularly now and still have more free time.

Was he married? Did he have kids? Did his wife contact you?

He wasn’t married and didn’t have kids. I have no interest in married men (and yes, I see the irony).

At least you didn’t intentionally harm a woman and kids you did not even know. I hold both parties 50% responsible and I will never understand how someone can live with themselves after inflicting severe pain and PTSD on someone they did not even know—and change the trajectory of the children’s lives. It doesn’t matter if it could be anyone—it was you (not you pp). Anyone who knows there are kids and a spouse and goes for it is an awful person, as much as the spouse.

Both guilty parties should be forced to sit through victim statements by betrayed spouse, kids and their families.

Such a thing would hurt and humiliate the kids/families way more than the guilty parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late. They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.

I don’t know any woman who divorced thinking they would get a ton of money, and they were all happy to give up money for their freedom.

+1

It is not the old days. Women are not being supported post-divorce. People who think otherwise have no clue.

The original question was SAHM.

A woman who is a SAHM in a long-term relationship will get spousal support. Typically for half the length of the marriage and if married over 20 years, lifetime. Especially if the husband is a high earner.

No. Your information is about 60 years old. A SAHM will NOT get long term spousal support and definitely not lifetime spousal support. She will get a full time job and support herself like functioning adults do.
At BEST she will get a couple dollars while she trains her way back into the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husbands ex was a SAHM. When kids went to school, he tried to get her to go back to work. She refused. They had many issues, and her refusing to work was a sore spot with him. His mom worked, and her mom worked, so his norm was a working mom. She went back to college, graduated, then got a part time job. She didn’t like it so she quit. And that was it. He left. They were married a total of 13 years - to include time separated pending divorce.
I met him post divorce. He lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment. He was paying 65% of his income to her. I get supporting the kids, but it really hurt that he had to continue supporting someone who had refused to work. She also told the kids he wasn’t giving her enough, and that is why they had to move. They moved because she wanted to move closer to her boyfriend.Ultimatly, she got a job and from what I can tell is successful.
Kids are grown now. She gets part of his retirement.
She’s been with the same boyfriend as long as my husband and I have been together - which is longer than they were married. They will never get married because she doesn’t want to lose part of his retirement.
So, from my POV, husbands Often get screwed in divorce.

This kind of absurd injustice would not happen any more. A lazy spouse who refuses to work, or who works part time or takes some unnecessarily low paying job, will have their theoretical fair-market-value income imputed by a judge before applying the child support formulas. Of course CS stops when child turns 18. And forget about spousal support because that is no longer a "thing".

Some fractional shared retirement benefits sounds reasonable, limited to the portion that was accrued during their marriage. That is a deferred "marital asset" which could not otherwise be split 50/50 at time of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet is a divorced able bodied woman supported by her EX husband? Earth to the clueless: it's year 2020. GET A FULLTIME JOB LADIES. For all intents, is no such thing as alimony anymore.

I don’t think that really happens anymore. I got no alimony and very little child support.

The only men I know who support their ex-wives basically gave up custody because they wanted to move out of state, focus on work, or didn’t enjoy being a parent. So they end up paying a lot more in child support since mom has them full-time. Often they send extra money because they feel guilty.

I think many women don’t realize this until it’s too late. They only read the fiction of fabulous lives and ex’s $.

I don’t know any woman who divorced thinking they would get a ton of money, and they were all happy to give up money for their freedom.

+1. As long as you can pay your basic bills and have some of the things that you want, additional money isn't really that important to most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Places like WalMart, Target, Joanne are always hiring. If her income is low enough, she will qualify for SNAP benefits and Medicaid. Her lifestyle will take a huge hit but she won't be homeless on the street.

If there's no prenup, she will be entitled to at least some spousal support. The courts in most states don't care if she had a thousand affairs.

In Virginia, they do.

No, VA does not really care.

Yeah, it really does. Proof of adultery = bye-bye, spousal support!