Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be happy my brother had somewhere to live so I didn’t feel responsible for making sure he didn’t end up homeless.

It’s likely he’ll still end up homeless. Homes require money to upkeep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.

No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.

Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?

NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.

We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.

So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.

Your sister’s situation is completely different to OP’s brother who sounds like a parasite.

Agree. I also think this poster would have a MUCH different viewpoint if she and her brother wound up in financial straits, or had chosen careers where they barely made ends meet. It's easy to sit on a high horse and look down on others. If you and your brother wind up getting knocked on your ass and have nothing (due to serious illness, divorce, unemployment, medical bills, etc.) your perspective would change in a flash. Then let's see how "fine" you would be with your sister getting half.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.

No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.

Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?

NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.

We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.

So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.

Your sister’s situation is completely different to OP’s brother who sounds like a parasite.

Agree. I also think this poster would have a MUCH different viewpoint if she and her brother wound up in financial straits, or had chosen careers where they barely made ends meet. It's easy to sit on a high horse and look down on others. If you and your brother wind up getting knocked on your ass and have nothing (due to serious illness, divorce, unemployment, medical bills, etc.) your perspective would change in a flash. Then let's see how "fine" you would be with your sister getting half.

Had I known my parents choose to leave everything to my sibling we would have moved away from them years ago for a higher paying job. I was the child expected to care for them. Good they let it slip out. I'm done spending my money to care for them because my sibling will not release money to pay for basics knowing they are going to inherit it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.

No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.

Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?

NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.

We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.

So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.

Your sister’s situation is completely different to OP’s brother who sounds like a parasite.

Agree. I also think this poster would have a MUCH different viewpoint if she and her brother wound up in financial straits, or had chosen careers where they barely made ends meet. It's easy to sit on a high horse and look down on others. If you and your brother wind up getting knocked on your ass and have nothing (due to serious illness, divorce, unemployment, medical bills, etc.) your perspective would change in a flash. Then let's see how "fine" you would be with your sister getting half.

Had I known my parents choose to leave everything to my sibling we would have moved away from them years ago for a higher paying job. I was the child expected to care for them. Good they let it slip out. I'm done spending my money to care for them because my sibling will not release money to pay for basics knowing they are going to inherit it all.

And you are free to do so. It’s clearly your call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be happy my brother had somewhere to live so I didn’t feel responsible for making sure he didn’t end up homeless.

It’s likely he’ll still end up homeless. Homes require money to upkeep.

Exactly. If he doesn't pay property taxes, home owners insurance and keeps the home/yard in a livable condition, including utilities paid for then his days in the house will be numbered anyway.

Your folks are better off selling that big house, moving to a lower cost of living area, buying a small 2 bedroom condo and setting up a trust with the proceeds of the money to 1) provide for their own eldercare 2) establish a small monthly income for your brother. Upon their death, brother would get the condo + his small monthly income and the remaining kids would get an equal share of the remaining eldercare fund.

[Anonymous]

The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.

No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.

Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?

NP here. I disagree. I think jealous is the right word. OP seems to think that her parents leaving her brother more says that they value him more and that they are favoring him by leaving him more money. It's not. The parents have made a decision to leave more inheritance for the child who makes less money and has less insurance, retirement, protection for the future. While I understand that she blames her brother for being lazy, the point is that she could choose to live a bohemian lifestyle, give up working and live life with less and then be eligible for a more equal share of inheritance, but that isn't her choice. She chooses to work, have more disposable income and be able to enjoy the fruits of her labor now. Two different choices.

We have a similar situation. My sister had a hard life, was abused by her ex-husband, divorced and was screwed in the divorce. Instead of working in the field where she has her degree (graphics design), she has opted to take a job working in a floral shop. She truly enjoys her job, her co-workers and her life. It means that she can barely make ends meet. She lives in our brother's old condo and my parents pay my brother rent for her. My brother and I both have professional degrees and work and make very comfortable livings and support our families. Our parents will be leaving 40-50% of their significant wealth to her with the rest divided between my brother and I. Additionally, my sister has one child and my brother and I each have two children, so perforce, her child will get more money (if there is any left when my sister passes) than the other four grandchildren. And you know what? We're all fine with this. We are a loving family and we know that hardships that my sister faced and that choices that she's made to be happy with her life after the trials she's been through. There is enough to go around and if our parents did not provide as much for our sister and she had hardships, my brother and I would have to take care of her anyways. This ensures that she will be able to care for herself without us paying to support her.

So, yes, OP is jealous that she feels that her parents value and love her brother more than her based solely on the distribution of their wealth. That's a very entitled and petty way to view things, but very common.

Your sister’s situation is completely different to OP’s brother who sounds like a parasite.

Agree. I also think this poster would have a MUCH different viewpoint if she and her brother wound up in financial straits, or had chosen careers where they barely made ends meet. It's easy to sit on a high horse and look down on others. If you and your brother wind up getting knocked on your ass and have nothing (due to serious illness, divorce, unemployment, medical bills, etc.) your perspective would change in a flash. Then let's see how "fine" you would be with your sister getting half.

Had I known my parents choose to leave everything to my sibling we would have moved away from them years ago for a higher paying job. I was the child expected to care for them. Good they let it slip out. I'm done spending my money to care for them because my sibling will not release money to pay for basics knowing they are going to inherit it all.

Good for you. I cut off all contact with my parents and sister for several reasons, including the fact that she would get everything including the house I’d paid for, because she’d screwed up her life and needed their help. This despite the fact that she’s almost 40 with a university degree (which I’d also paid for). I’d finally decided to close the ATM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

I come from a world where my 50 year old brother lives with my mother (my father being long deceased) and his siblings and I are extraordinarily grateful. I also come from a world where my brother's ex-wife, also in her 50s, lived with her mother (with Alzheimer's) for years and her siblings are grateful.

Even if the brother is a f*ck up, there are intangible benefits to having him living with elderly parents. And remember, his relationship with his parents is different than his relationship with his siblings. Note that the OP isn't saying her parents don't like him living with them or want him gone. No doubt they like having him there.

And in the end it's THEIR money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

OP, your brother found your post.

You’re doing a gigantic leap here, PP. People like OP’s brother don’t help anyone except themselves. He’s previous behavior proves this. There are loads of examples of these situations. He’s simply a parasite who’s been pampered his whole life and is simply waiting for his share of the inheritance. OP shouldn’t be surprised if her parents leave him everything. Then he’ll squander everything and expect OP to care for him until he dies. The best thing to do OP, is to move far away from these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

I come from a world where my 50 year old brother lives with my mother (my father being long deceased) and his siblings and I are extraordinarily grateful. I also come from a world where my brother's ex-wife, also in her 50s, lived with her mother (with Alzheimer's) for years and her siblings are grateful.

Even if the brother is a f*ck up, there are intangible benefits to having him living with elderly parents. And remember, his relationship with his parents is different than his relationship with his siblings. Note that the OP isn't saying her parents don't like him living with them or want him gone. No doubt they like having him there.

And in the end it's THEIR money.

They are grateful as they don't want to help. My sibling was very grateful I was doing it all and hid the fact she's getting all of the inheritance. If someone is the end of life caretaker it makes sense they get more. But, what doesn't make sense is if the sibling does nothing and gets it all.

[Anonymous]

My parents bought a very nice house years ago with my grandmother because she no longer wanted to live alone. When she died, the house was given to my mom. You don’t know how much your brother may be helping your parents by being there. It’s not always about money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

I come from a world where my 50 year old brother lives with my mother (my father being long deceased) and his siblings and I are extraordinarily grateful. I also come from a world where my brother's ex-wife, also in her 50s, lived with her mother (with Alzheimer's) for years and her siblings are grateful.

Even if the brother is a f*ck up, there are intangible benefits to having him living with elderly parents. And remember, his relationship with his parents is different than his relationship with his siblings. Note that the OP isn't saying her parents don't like him living with them or want him gone. No doubt they like having him there.

And in the end it's THEIR money.

They like having him there because they like controlling his life. They’ve never learned to let go and created a man-child that society will have to take care of once they’re gone.

Yes, it’s their money, but that doesn’t mean their behavior is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The brother is living with the parents and helping take care of them. He is, no doubt, doing far more for the parents than OP or the other siblings are. I think OP underestimates how much work is involved and how much better off the parents and the whole family are just by the brother being there. The brother deserves the house.

What fairytale world do you live in? The idea that a 50 year old man living with his parents (who are paying his bills and supporting him) is somehow a CAREGIVER is quite a stretch.

This. Lol.

I come from a world where my 50 year old brother lives with my mother (my father being long deceased) and his siblings and I are extraordinarily grateful. I also come from a world where my brother's ex-wife, also in her 50s, lived with her mother (with Alzheimer's) for years and her siblings are grateful.

Even if the brother is a f*ck up, there are intangible benefits to having him living with elderly parents. And remember, his relationship with his parents is different than his relationship with his siblings. Note that the OP isn't saying her parents don't like him living with them or want him gone. No doubt they like having him there.

And in the end it's THEIR money.

It depends on the situation. Op has not mentioned that her brother helps out her parents AT ALL. In fact, Op doesn't mention that her parents even have health concerns. Op says that her parents are taking care of her brother. He is basically a lazy 50 year old teenage boy living under their roof.

Now it is possible that Op is being very uncharitable to her brother and is not mentioning the enormous amount of help that he has been giving to their parents for the past 15 years. We only know what Op is telling us. And having seen this dynamic before it would not surprise me if Op's brother has his elderly parents cooking and cleaning for HIM and giving him spending money.