Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother will not be taking care of your parents; he can't take care of himself.

Had a similar situation in my family. Brother was supported, bailed out and coddled his entire life. Got some money when dad passed - he had blown it within six months.

When mom died, he was living in her house. Other siblings sold our shares of the house to him at well below market value. Within less than two years, he was foreclosed on and lost it.

Parents are long gone and there is no more money. He is now in his 60s. Lived in his car for almost six months until he could get social security. He is still being supplemented by us because his social security is not enough to live on.

Your brother will probably wind up the same way. Won't be able to keep up house and will lose it. Won't have decent social security since he doesn't work.

Who do your parents think is going to look out for him when they're gone? If they think it's going to be you, and yet they want to leave him the largest assets, then you need to have a discussion.

If you don't want to be responsible for him for the rest of your life, say so now. Have your parents set up a trust so that housing costs (taxes, insurance, upkeep) will be paid for out of whatever cash they planned to give him. Let an attorney administer it, so you don't have to deal with him.

I'm pretty sure that this is how things have panned out for a long ago ex boyfriend of mine. You are nice to supplement him, I sure as hell wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

I would assume he has mental health issues and if it's not your parents helping him then he will be on disability with government assistance.

If he is actually a support to your parents then I would say he is earning every bit. It is quite costly to hire care and at least he cares more than someone hired. People devalue caregiving too much. It's not just the hours of it, but the time to decompress after and when it's your own parent they are 100 times more challenging sometimes than they would be for a stranger.

regardless, sure at first I'd be annoyed. In the end it's their money. We have an unfair situation too. We just detached more. Still have a relationship, but know parent is being unfair and playing favorites-might as well free up more time to do the things we need to do and stop caterin as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

Fairness? This has nothing to do with fairness. It is NOT your money. How they distribute THEIR money is up to them. Process that first.

Process that dividing inheritance unequally is not fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

Fairness? This has nothing to do with fairness. It is NOT your money. How they distribute THEIR money is up to them. Process that first.

Process that dividing inheritance unequally is not fair.

Wow... you are incredible. You can always turn it down you know? They owe you nothing. Your entitlement is incredible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

Fairness? This has nothing to do with fairness. It is NOT your money. How they distribute THEIR money is up to them. Process that first.

Process that dividing inheritance unequally is not fair.

Wow... you are incredible. You can always turn it down you know? They owe you nothing. Your entitlement is incredible.

I don't think it's entitlement to expect to be treated equally as a sibling.
Surely, most parents wouldn't incentivize laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be very happy I had a sibling who was living with my parents as they aged. I don't think people who have never had to deal with it understand the 24-7 nature of it. Think of it as payback for the potential and actual stress of that- that you do not have to deal with.

Would you rather your parents moved in with you now and sold their house?

Because of this brother's leeching ways, the parents will have less money available to provide for their own eldercare. You think that concerns Op's brother? Oh, hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

Fairness? This has nothing to do with fairness. It is NOT your money. How they distribute THEIR money is up to them. Process that first.

Process that dividing inheritance unequally is not fair.

Wow... you are incredible. You can always turn it down you know? They owe you nothing. Your entitlement is incredible.

I don't think it's entitlement to expect to be treated equally as a sibling.
Surely, most parents wouldn't incentivize laziness.

There is no sense in fighting over this because the parents are choosing to spend their own money this way and they are likely to have nothing left when they die anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

Fairness? This has nothing to do with fairness. It is NOT your money. How they distribute THEIR money is up to them. Process that first.

Process that dividing inheritance unequally is not fair.

Wow... you are incredible. You can always turn it down you know? They owe you nothing. Your entitlement is incredible.

I don't think it's entitlement to expect to be treated equally as a sibling.
Surely, most parents wouldn't incentivize laziness.

You are really stretching to go after that money. You can “expect” all you want but it is still their money and their decision. You have right to be upset but that doesn’t make any difference. Yes, it IS clearly an entitled attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will brother be taking care of mom and dad as they age? If so, that's worth the house. That's not a fun job. If you are also local and expect to do as much of the schlepping to appointments and helping take a shower as he does, then I understand being frustrated--but if you split everything equally, will he be set for life? Or is he going to be asking for help down the road, and you'll be on the receiving end of requests? That might also be worth giving up a house.

My mom and uncle are in a similar boat. Uncle lives with grandma and hasn't held down a job in 20 years. Grandma wants to leave everything to him because she's worried about him. Mom has told grandma to do as she wishes, but that she promises her brother will never be homeless or hungry. That alleviated some of grandma's stress, I think.

Agree. I am childless and have taken care of my parents SO much more than my siblings have. Our inheritances will be equal - everything divided among the three siblings - and my siblings are mad that their kids aren't getting direct inheritances from their grandparents (which, if that happened, would mean I get less). When my parents offered to leave us each a third, or me a third and my siblings and their kids their third divided amongt their kids and them, my siblings thought that was unfair. They wanted each child to get 1/6 and the rest divided amongst the grandkids. Basically they thought I should give up half of my inheritance to their kids since I have known. Despite the fact that I do a TON for my parents (probably fifteen to thirty hour of work a week).

[Anonymous]

Wow OP... wow...

[Anonymous]

OP: I can sympathize. While it's your parents' legal right to distribute their estate as they wish, it's very hurtful to feel that your parents "value" you less than your sibling, whether you need the money or not is irrelevant. Try and be at peace because it's not worth mucking up the rest of your life for, and stuff like this can eat at you.

[Anonymous]

Many people agree with OP. Seems to be the consensus that you have a right to be hurt and upset BUT you cant change it. Acceptance.

I bet the parents have spent a $hit ton of money on him over the last decade.

[Anonymous]

It's entirely possible the OP's brother provides a lot of caretaking for his parents and or their house and OP is ignoring that fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will brother be taking care of mom and dad as they age? If so, that's worth the house. That's not a fun job. If you are also local and expect to do as much of the schlepping to appointments and helping take a shower as he does, then I understand being frustrated--but if you split everything equally, will he be set for life? Or is he going to be asking for help down the road, and you'll be on the receiving end of requests? That might also be worth giving up a house.

My mom and uncle are in a similar boat. Uncle lives with grandma and hasn't held down a job in 20 years. Grandma wants to leave everything to him because she's worried about him. Mom has told grandma to do as she wishes, but that she promises her brother will never be homeless or hungry. That alleviated some of grandma's stress, I think.

Agree. I am childless and have taken care of my parents SO much more than my siblings have. Our inheritances will be equal - everything divided among the three siblings - and my siblings are mad that their kids aren't getting direct inheritances from their grandparents (which, if that happened, would mean I get less). When my parents offered to leave us each a third, or me a third and my siblings and their kids their third divided amongt their kids and them, my siblings thought that was unfair. They wanted each child to get 1/6 and the rest divided amongst the grandkids. Basically they thought I should give up half of my inheritance to their kids since I have known. Despite the fact that I do a TON for my parents (probably fifteen to thirty hour of work a week).

That is ridiculous. I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

Fairness? This has nothing to do with fairness. It is NOT your money. How they distribute THEIR money is up to them. Process that first.

Process that dividing inheritance unequally is not fair.

Wow... you are incredible. You can always turn it down you know? They owe you nothing. Your entitlement is incredible.

I don't think it's entitlement to expect to be treated equally as a sibling.
Surely, most parents wouldn't incentivize laziness.

If this is not entitlement, I don't know what it is.