Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Look, everybody has a different idea of what is best for their children and most will do what they can to protect their children. I have seen many parents who look at the children and say that one child is less able to care for themselves and so they leave more money to that child since they aren't able to care for themselves. Using OP as an example, maybe her parents thing that OP and her husband are self-reliant, have good jobs and are capable of ensuring that they and their children will have a good life. They look at the lazy brother and think that even if he gets a job, he might be able to hold it or he might only be able to get a menial job and not make much money. So they leave more to him thinking that it will enable both children to live reasonable lifestyles. The lazy brother attracts their sympathy and they justify what they do based on that.

I know that the feelings that OP echos are understandable, but maybe they had their reasons and just want to protect both children as best they can and this was how they felt would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There literally isn’t a person who wouldn’t be hurt by this?

Yep. It would really hurt me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's another thought...

This brother is 50. He could VERY easily have his own health issue and then what happens?

I would guess the parents would be caring for him physically as well as financially.

He doesn’t have a health issue. Plus, DH or I could get a health issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There literally isn’t a person who wouldn’t be hurt by this?

Yep. It would really hurt me.

This is happening in my family. It slipped out. Luckily in time for me not to be the primary caretaker. Both "kids" doing well but they have always had a preference. They don't seem to understand why we've pulled back contact, will not help and want little to do with that sibling (who isn't married/kids so its going to be hard on her not to have any close family). You give equally except in extreme situations and you talk to the kids before you do it and if you choose different inheritance then you don't expect the child getting little or nothing to be your caretaker. If my sibling had health or other issues or needed the money, I would fully support it or sign over my share if needed but all things equal, don't think for a minute the one you are not giving to will not be hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Yes people understand that, it really isn't the point though. My grandmother was given two houses with her inheritance and her sister received nothing. It ruined their relationship, the family was divided and it never resolved.

Same thing with a family friend, he received nothing and the brother got everything, their relationship never returned to normal either.

By doing things unequally it does have an impact on the remaining family because people aren't always thinking of money. For the parent to want to leave all that money to one person it shows a favouritism and that's hurtful. No matter what anyone says it is unlikely that a parent will look at a child they have no issues with and just say well you get nothing. It generally means there is something going on where they have deliberately decided to leave that child out.

Take my in-laws they have already said that DH gets everything, they have ongoing issues with DH brother. For some reason they think the two brothers will connect more when they die but as I have said to Dh the inheritance will be the final nail in that coffin. The relationship will die with his parents. From where I sit it is their final FU to the brother who caused them hurt and this is what people pick up with an unequal inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Yes people understand that, it really isn't the point though. My grandmother was given two houses with her inheritance and her sister received nothing. It ruined their relationship, the family was divided and it never resolved.

Same thing with a family friend, he received nothing and the brother got everything, their relationship never returned to normal either.

By doing things unequally it does have an impact on the remaining family because people aren't always thinking of money. For the parent to want to leave all that money to one person it shows a favouritism and that's hurtful. No matter what anyone says it is unlikely that a parent will look at a child they have no issues with and just say well you get nothing. It generally means there is something going on where they have deliberately decided to leave that child out.

Take my in-laws they have already said that DH gets everything, they have ongoing issues with DH brother. For some reason they think the two brothers will connect more when they die but as I have said to Dh the inheritance will be the final nail in that coffin. The relationship will die with his parents. From where I sit it is their final FU to the brother who caused them hurt and this is what people pick up with an unequal inheritance.

No, I think that exactly is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Yes people understand that, it really isn't the point though. My grandmother was given two houses with her inheritance and her sister received nothing. It ruined their relationship, the family was divided and it never resolved.

Same thing with a family friend, he received nothing and the brother got everything, their relationship never returned to normal either.

By doing things unequally it does have an impact on the remaining family because people aren't always thinking of money. For the parent to want to leave all that money to one person it shows a favouritism and that's hurtful. No matter what anyone says it is unlikely that a parent will look at a child they have no issues with and just say well you get nothing. It generally means there is something going on where they have deliberately decided to leave that child out.

Take my in-laws they have already said that DH gets everything, they have ongoing issues with DH brother. For some reason they think the two brothers will connect more when they die but as I have said to Dh the inheritance will be the final nail in that coffin. The relationship will die with his parents. From where I sit it is their final FU to the brother who caused them hurt and this is what people pick up with an unequal inheritance.

I made it clear to my parents that I will only have limited contact with them and absolutely none when they pass. I will no longer do family thanksgivings or anything else as I don't consider myself part of their family. You cannot tell me you love me equally when you don't.

Don't think for a minute this doesn't split families.

In this situation two houses - one goes to each sibling with a cash for the difference or one sibling gets both and the other gets cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Yes people understand that, it really isn't the point though. My grandmother was given two houses with her inheritance and her sister received nothing. It ruined their relationship, the family was divided and it never resolved.

Same thing with a family friend, he received nothing and the brother got everything, their relationship never returned to normal either.

By doing things unequally it does have an impact on the remaining family because people aren't always thinking of money. For the parent to want to leave all that money to one person it shows a favouritism and that's hurtful. No matter what anyone says it is unlikely that a parent will look at a child they have no issues with and just say well you get nothing. It generally means there is something going on where they have deliberately decided to leave that child out.

Take my in-laws they have already said that DH gets everything, they have ongoing issues with DH brother. For some reason they think the two brothers will connect more when they die but as I have said to Dh the inheritance will be the final nail in that coffin. The relationship will die with his parents. From where I sit it is their final FU to the brother who caused them hurt and this is what people pick up with an unequal inheritance.

I made it clear to my parents that I will only have limited contact with them and absolutely none when they pass. I will no longer do family thanksgivings or anything else as I don't consider myself part of their family. You cannot tell me you love me equally when you don't.

Don't think for a minute this doesn't split families.

In this situation two houses - one goes to each sibling with a cash for the difference or one sibling gets both and the other gets cash.

Give me 1/2 of your money or I will cut you off? Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Yes people understand that, it really isn't the point though. My grandmother was given two houses with her inheritance and her sister received nothing. It ruined their relationship, the family was divided and it never resolved.

Same thing with a family friend, he received nothing and the brother got everything, their relationship never returned to normal either.

By doing things unequally it does have an impact on the remaining family because people aren't always thinking of money. For the parent to want to leave all that money to one person it shows a favouritism and that's hurtful. No matter what anyone says it is unlikely that a parent will look at a child they have no issues with and just say well you get nothing. It generally means there is something going on where they have deliberately decided to leave that child out.

Take my in-laws they have already said that DH gets everything, they have ongoing issues with DH brother. For some reason they think the two brothers will connect more when they die but as I have said to Dh the inheritance will be the final nail in that coffin. The relationship will die with his parents. From where I sit it is their final FU to the brother who caused them hurt and this is what people pick up with an unequal inheritance.

I made it clear to my parents that I will only have limited contact with them and absolutely none when they pass. I will no longer do family thanksgivings or anything else as I don't consider myself part of their family. You cannot tell me you love me equally when you don't.

Don't think for a minute this doesn't split families.

In this situation two houses - one goes to each sibling with a cash for the difference or one sibling gets both and the other gets cash.

Give me 1/2 of your money or I will cut you off? Nice.

They've been cut out but for more reasons than that. They lied to me about it for years and it just came out. They made it clear they expected me to stay in the area to take care of them since sibling has never taken care of anyone and barely themselves. I stayed, I helped, I spent my own money caring for one of my parents and found out there is tons of money and sibling gets regular gifts and cash (has plenty of money) and it is taking away from my family. Why am I buying my parent basics like a walker and buying my kids less to pay for it when they have tons of money but saving it for sibling. How would you feel? My spouse turned down job opportunities that required us moving to stay and care for them. Sibling is POA so I cannot really do much without involving them and they don't want to be involved and will not take time off their job to deal with things. Its a mess. We're moving away first chance we get.

[Anonymous]

00:01 I don’t blame you at all.

Sir parents are free to do what they want, including favoring certain children over others and giving unequal inheritances. But don’t pretend like actions don’t have consequences. The slighted children are free to be hurt and pull back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:00:01 I don’t blame you at all.

Sir parents are free to do what they want, including favoring certain children over others and giving unequal inheritances. But don’t pretend like actions don’t have consequences. The slighted children are free to be hurt and pull back.

So, let OP pull back. This thread is so stupid.

OP, let me ask you a question. If your parents gave you the house/money, and "not much" to your brother, would you be equally upset?

I didn't think so. Don't be greedy OP.

[Anonymous]

My mother actually left all but a few thousand dollars to me. She said my brother got all his while she was alive. He was shocked she left him anything.

[Anonymous]

“Chose not to” is such a value laden statement. No one fully ambraces dependence and unhappiness unless there is something deeply wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:00:01 I don’t blame you at all.

Sir parents are free to do what they want, including favoring certain children over others and giving unequal inheritances. But don’t pretend like actions don’t have consequences. The slighted children are free to be hurt and pull back.

So, let OP pull back. This thread is so stupid.

OP, let me ask you a question. If your parents gave you the house/money, and "not much" to your brother, would you be equally upset?

I didn't think so. Don't be greedy OP.

DP. Why do you not get it? Everybody agrees that OP’s parents can do whatever they want with their own money.

The issue, which you refuse to see, is that there’s emotional fallout from a decision that favors one child over the other. And why the useless straw man about OP getting all the money? Even in this useless hypothetical, the relevant question is not now OP would feel, but how the shafted brother would feel.

Sounds like you’re planning to treat your kids unequally in your own will?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:00:01 I don’t blame you at all.

Sir parents are free to do what they want, including favoring certain children over others and giving unequal inheritances. But don’t pretend like actions don’t have consequences. The slighted children are free to be hurt and pull back.

So, let OP pull back. This thread is so stupid.

OP, let me ask you a question. If your parents gave you the house/money, and "not much" to your brother, would you be equally upset?

I didn't think so. Don't be greedy OP.

DP. Why do you not get it? Everybody agrees that OP’s parents can do whatever they want with their own money.

The issue, which you refuse to see, is that there’s emotional fallout from a decision that favors one child over the other. And why the useless straw man about OP getting all the money? Even in this useless hypothetical, the relevant question is not now OP would feel, but how the shafted brother would feel.

Sounds like you’re planning to treat your kids unequally in your own will?

Parents can do what ever they want but they should be honest about it with their kids and understand the long term impact. When my parents pass, we are the only family left for my sibling. She'll get all the money but be alone in the world as she doesn't have a spouse or kids. I'd rather not be alone and have no or share the money. Everyone has their priorities I guess.