Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

[Anonymous]

No. It’s their money and it’s their choice about how to disburse it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It’s their money and it’s their choice about how to disburse it.

This. But the reality is there are hurt feelings with almost any will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

[Anonymous]

There literally isn’t a person who wouldn’t be hurt by this?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, that would irk me, too, especially because your parents have supported him like a kid for nearly 15 years.

But...your parents are also getting something out of this relationship, whatever that may be. Maybe they expect him to take care of them in their old age and they are dangling the inheritance in front of him as a carrot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Yes, that would make me very upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.

No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.

[Anonymous]

This is the situation in DH's family and yes, it bothers and hurts him, but he's come around to understanding it's not his say (somewhat).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would it bother you if your parents left your sibling more than you because sibling chose not to work?

Need more info as to why sibling isn't working for money

He doesn’t like working. He saved up some money 200k and quit the job he hated at 35. He is almost 50 now. He is divorced and lives with our parents over a decade. They pay most of his bills. He has been lazy since he was a kid. My mom wants to make it fair by giving him the house he lives in with them -worth over a million, then split the cash between the two of us. So she is rewarding his laziness.

Doesn’t sound like a very happy life. Truly no reason for you to be jealous.

My siblings need more than me. I wish my parents had more to give them. I do my best to help.

Since when does fairness equal jealousy?

When you’re upset at what you perceive as a lack of fairness, it’s because you think someone has what you don’t, so jealousy. If you don’t like the word, sub in something else. The vocabulary doesn’t matter. It’s the attitude that’s going to cause problems.

No one on this board would want to trade places with an unemployed 50 yr old living at home with elderly parents. Sounds terrible.

Jealous is the wrong word. Presumably OP works and has a lot more money than her brother, so why would she be jealous?

[Anonymous]

Of course I'd be hurt, but I'm also not the type of person who is counting on receiving any inheritance*, so any money that DH or my parents leave us is just going to be an extra bonus to what we have already planned for. If you think about it that way, then it makes it a lot less painful.

*DH's parents have a very valuable piece of artwork that his sister (the favorite) has called dibs on. DH is upset about this, but would never say anything.

[Anonymous]

Will brother be taking care of mom and dad as they age? If so, that's worth the house. That's not a fun job. If you are also local and expect to do as much of the schlepping to appointments and helping take a shower as he does, then I understand being frustrated--but if you split everything equally, will he be set for life? Or is he going to be asking for help down the road, and you'll be on the receiving end of requests? That might also be worth giving up a house.

My mom and uncle are in a similar boat. Uncle lives with grandma and hasn't held down a job in 20 years. Grandma wants to leave everything to him because she's worried about him. Mom has told grandma to do as she wishes, but that she promises her brother will never be homeless or hungry. That alleviated some of grandma's stress, I think.