husband wants to keep baby and I don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You also didn't want your current Dd. Have you ended up loving her at all?

If you have never warmed to her and still resent her presence in your life that is a pretty good indication of how you will feel about the 2nd.

We both decided on no kids when we got married. But he changed his mind and we had her and she was very much wanted once I found out I was pregnant. We love her to pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want to terminate because your DD won’t get as much of an inheritance if you have the baby? No wonder your husband is threatening divorce. You guys need to talk to a therapist. It seems odd to me that an inheritance, many decades from now, is the first reason you cite.

I’d rather have siblings than a big inheritance. My own kids are over a decade apart and my older one was thrilled to get a sibling despite understanding the financial impact.

Everyone I know who was one and done got surgically sterilized after the one. Either the H got the snip or the wife got her tubes tied. In a couple cases, they both did it.

OP is going to do what she wants. It just comes with a cost.

+1 I can understand not wanting to deal with the hard baby years again, but if this is really about your DD, then I think you might wan to re-assess what a sibling would mean for her.
I had this discussion with DC1 when DC was getting really annoyed with DC#2 - I said, "would it have been better if DC#2 never came along?" The answer was, "No.. that I'm glad I have a sibling. I can't imagine my life without one".

My DH who did not want another child even admitted that having siblings (he has two) was a great thing, so he agreed to have #2. Yes, it is harder, especially financially, but having #2 in our lives is priceless.

[Anonymous]

How far along are you?

Does DH threaten divorce because he doesn’t believe in abortion (religion or otherwise) or because he really wants another baby?

What are your jobs? If DH really wants the baby could he be a SAHD?

There are a lot of things to talk out so I’d see a counselor ASAP. You could end up having an abortion but lose your marriage/family so it would be best to move forward as a team.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you have the abortion and get divorced, you're going to be maintaining two households and the savings accounts earmarked for inheritance will likely dwindle.

I have zero relationship with my sibling, so I don't necessarily agree with the "sibling>money" posters, but I will also say that if you raise a mature, stable adult, they will not want or need an inheritance at the end of it all. They'll want you to spend all the money and enjoy your time with them.

This is a decision to be made based on whether you want to be a mom to 2, not leave money for 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The weird part about this post is reducing the problem to how much inheritance her DD will receive.

Troll?

I suspect there's some element of shock and she's not thinking all that clearly. It's amazing what you worry about when you get some unexpected news. I could see myself thinking "but I just bought those expensive jeans and now they won't fit!" Completely insane, but you focus on small things when you're overwhelmed on big things.

OP - if you are just a few weeks pregnant don't do anything now. Sit on it for a week. I do wonder if you aren't a little bit conflicted because if you weren't, why did you even tell your husband? I know women who just took care of it because they knew unequivocally they didn't want another.

I told him because I thought he would agree with me that we can't have another child. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll post.

Agree. The board has been full of them.

OP here: I have to say that it is sad that it has come to this. Nobody can post anything anymore without being called a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The weird part about this post is reducing the problem to how much inheritance her DD will receive.

Troll?

not a troll. We have worked really hard to make sure that our child won't go through the hardship we both went through. We both grew up with struggling single mothers and sometimes school lunch was the only meal hence not wanting kids in the first place.

OP, my mother grew up in a similar situation and even though she is quite affluent in her senior years, her childhood poverty has an outsize bearing on her sense of security. The fear and want she experienced as a child will always be with her, no matter how much she's risen above those conditions. So, I totally get how a potential inheritance could drive your decision-making.

Let me suggest that you widen your sense of what provides provides financial security. Consider the benefits of a sibling. You've framed this an an inherent zero-sum competition for resources between two children. In fact, a sibling could be a source of financial and emotional support throughout one's life. Your DD could make a bad financial decision, get swindled by an unscrupulous spouse, or end up being the sole financial and emotional caretaker of you and your husband as you age. A sibling could soften any of those blows, financially and otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s your body.

And her husband's baby and her DD's sibling.

Neither allows them to decide to go through with the pregnancy. This is solely OP’s decision.

Disagree.

Oh really? So is OP’s DD going to carry the child? Is her husband going to give birth and deal with all associated postpartum recovery including at work? Remind me again how the daughter and husband have any say in what happens to OP’s body?

[Anonymous]

I would keep it.

[Anonymous]

Ps. Since he threatened divorce, if you keep it, demand a post nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s your body.

And her husband's baby and her DD's sibling.

Neither allows them to decide to go through with the pregnancy. This is solely OP’s decision.

Disagree.

Good thing that your opinion doesn’t matter one jot, then.

[Anonymous]

The greatest gift I ever gave DC1 was a sibling. besides the lessons of learning that you are not the center of the universe, having a sibling (usually) provides support and family much longer than child years. aunts/uncles for your grandchildren, a shoulder to lean on for your DC1 when you and your DH pass.

do you want DC1 to really walk the path of life alone? Sure there are plenty of well adjusted only children in the world, but there are many who wish as adults they had a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very much pro choice but, honestly, this is not a valid reason for termination.

Thankfully women have the right to autonomy of their own bodies.

[Anonymous]

I know a number of people that aren't on speaking terms with their siblings. Life is not a hallmark movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a number of people that aren't on speaking terms with their siblings. Life is not a hallmark movie.

'

Especially if DC #2 feels unloved and less than DC #1, which is bound to happen in any situation where OP has this child.