Tell me your reasons for not allowing sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers start really early in my DDs elementary school -- at kindergarten it starts happening.

My oldest hated the idea of sleeping away from home, so I didn't "allow" it to give her an easy excuse. I expect that once she hits MS/HS she'll want to do it. She's in 5th grade now and just now starting to waver when she's invited to a sleepover.

DD #2 is sensitive (wakes me up at night if she can't find her stuffy) and highly dependent on getting good sleep. She has expressed interest in doing sleepovers and been invited to some, but I haven't allowed it.

DD #3 still occasionally wets the bed at night, and that's with our routine of reducing liquids and going to the bathroom right before sleep. She very much wants to do a sleepover with her best friend, but I've been putting it off because I know it's a recipe for bed wetting.

Basically I don't like sleepovers in the ES years.

FWIW, I hated sleepovers when I was in ES (loved them in MS and HS), so I recognize that my childhood feelings are driving my parenting decisions now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was upset when my mother banned sleepovers at my best friend's house when I turned 12. The only reason she gave was that my friend has an older brother.

Until he gave me a (very respectful) love letter. Now that I have a daughter, I understand why my mother was uneasy. Of course, she was completely unaware of the abuse happening in our own house, but I don't blame my parents for that other than that they never spoke to us about good and bad touches as is now commonplace.

I agree with this. When their is an older brother and the sleepover is girls I say no. At first I was ok then the stories came in. Even if there is no direct abuse it often ends up no fun because the boys rule the roost and that only one step away from something I don’t want happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are more likely to get shot in a school shooting or get into a car accident driving with you, than something happen to them at a sleepover.

Fear mongering at it's finest.

Thank you!

These anxiety ridden Mommies destroying their kid's lives one neurotic episode at a time.

They can't walk to the bus stop alone.
They can't cross a street.
Go to the park - alone? Never!
Sleepovers? A complete travesty waiting to happen.

It’s called parenting. Try it.

I do a lot of hiring...anxiety ridden moms have no idea how much damage they have done to their adult kids. That's what they are adult kids. It's sad to see how much hand holding they need because mommy never let them out to play alone. I have such fond memories of riding my bike around all day in the summer with my friends. Exploring nature, etc. It was so much fun. I had rules to follow, like check in every two hours, always be home when the lights come on, etc. What you are robbing from your kids is a travesty.

I have one question that I ask potential new employees....when did you learn to ride a bicycle? It is so sad that 5 out of 10 have never learned because I quote, "Mom didn't like me being out on my bike alone and she didn't ride a bike." I don't hire these kids....

And maybe you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions. My kids travel alone in foreign countries, have active social life job experience and so on but biking around here just too busy.

[Anonymous]

Op, a "no" always wins. Even if the rationale is flawed. It's not going to be a huge deal if your DD participates or not. You could suggest that you host. If you host a time or two -only- it won't be noticed that she doesn't attend at other people's houses. Just don't make a big proclamation about it.

[Anonymous]

I don't know allow sleepovers unless I know the parents. I think that's a reasonable rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are more likely to get shot in a school shooting or get into a car accident driving with you, than something happen to them at a sleepover.

Fear mongering at it's finest.

Thank you!

These anxiety ridden Mommies destroying their kid's lives one neurotic episode at a time.

They can't walk to the bus stop alone.
They can't cross a street.
Go to the park - alone? Never!
Sleepovers? A complete travesty waiting to happen.

It’s called parenting. Try it.

I do a lot of hiring...anxiety ridden moms have no idea how much damage they have done to their adult kids. That's what they are adult kids. It's sad to see how much hand holding they need because mommy never let them out to play alone. I have such fond memories of riding my bike around all day in the summer with my friends. Exploring nature, etc. It was so much fun. I had rules to follow, like check in every two hours, always be home when the lights come on, etc. What you are robbing from your kids is a travesty.

I have one question that I ask potential new employees....when did you learn to ride a bicycle? It is so sad that 5 out of 10 have never learned because I quote, "Mom didn't like me being out on my bike alone and she didn't ride a bike." I don't hire these kids....

You base your hiring decisions on someone’s athletic abilities from childhood? Instead of educational experience, GPA, and character? That’s totally messed up! What kind of company do you run?

Not the PP, but probably one with employees with social skills, independent decision making skills, determination, and grit. A GPA means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, a "no" always wins. Even if the rationale is flawed. It's not going to be a huge deal if your DD participates or not. You could suggest that you host. If you host a time or two -only- it won't be noticed that she doesn't attend at other people's houses. Just don't make a big proclamation about it.

So the OP should offer sleepovers and other kids should come. But her kid can never go to any other? That would be a red flag to me.

[Anonymous]

I just say, "Our family doesn't do sleepovers, but Larlo can stay until 10:00 or whatever time you prefer I pick him up." No one has every questioned it and things go well like this.

My son is only 8, so that may change as he gets older and if/when he's better at standing up for himself (right now, he's just not very confident and gets cowed very easily).

I've experienced too much and worked with too many abuse survivors over the years to be ok with it at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know allow sleepovers unless I know the parents. I think that's a reasonable rule.

What do you mean until you know them? You have to be friends with all of your kid's friends parents. You think that is attainable in ES, MS, and HS?

And what do you think you are preventing by "knowing" them. Just curious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are more likely to get shot in a school shooting or get into a car accident driving with you, than something happen to them at a sleepover.

Fear mongering at it's finest.

Thank you!

These anxiety ridden Mommies destroying their kid's lives one neurotic episode at a time.

They can't walk to the bus stop alone.
They can't cross a street.
Go to the park - alone? Never!
Sleepovers? A complete travesty waiting to happen.

It’s called parenting. Try it.

I do a lot of hiring...anxiety ridden moms have no idea how much damage they have done to their adult kids. That's what they are adult kids. It's sad to see how much hand holding they need because mommy never let them out to play alone. I have such fond memories of riding my bike around all day in the summer with my friends. Exploring nature, etc. It was so much fun. I had rules to follow, like check in every two hours, always be home when the lights come on, etc. What you are robbing from your kids is a travesty.

I have one question that I ask potential new employees....when did you learn to ride a bicycle? It is so sad that 5 out of 10 have never learned because I quote, "Mom didn't like me being out on my bike alone and she didn't ride a bike." I don't hire these kids....

You won't be hiring my kid because he doesn't ride a bike but it has nothing to do with us. We have had a balance bike and two different sized bikes with training wheels but DS, 7, is petrified of falling. We bought the knees and hand guards so that he is better protected in case of a fall but no joy. I am hoping that the fact that his friend has invited him over to ride bikes twice now will finally light a fire under his butt and he'll get on the bike and try but I suspect that is not going to happen. But he wanted to take Ninja Warrior class. Does Ninja Warrior make up for not riding a bike?

DS has not really asked about having sleep overs. I would be fine with his having a friend over for the night and can think of four families I would be fine with his going to for a sleep over. We know the families reasonably well and all have been vetted with back ground checks for various jobs and activities! The last part is true but not the reason I would be fine with his going. The parents are cool and we like their kids. DS would be fine at their place.

I would not be fine with his going to a sleepover at a kids house who we don't know the parents.

But I doubt he is going to want to go for a while because he still has accidents and I don't think he would want to wear his pull up at a friends house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are more likely to get shot in a school shooting or get into a car accident driving with you, than something happen to them at a sleepover.

Fear mongering at it's finest.

Thank you!

These anxiety ridden Mommies destroying their kid's lives one neurotic episode at a time.

They can't walk to the bus stop alone.
They can't cross a street.
Go to the park - alone? Never!
Sleepovers? A complete travesty waiting to happen.

It’s called parenting. Try it.

I do a lot of hiring...anxiety ridden moms have no idea how much damage they have done to their adult kids. That's what they are adult kids. It's sad to see how much hand holding they need because mommy never let them out to play alone. I have such fond memories of riding my bike around all day in the summer with my friends. Exploring nature, etc. It was so much fun. I had rules to follow, like check in every two hours, always be home when the lights come on, etc. What you are robbing from your kids is a travesty.

I have one question that I ask potential new employees....when did you learn to ride a bicycle? It is so sad that 5 out of 10 have never learned because I quote, "Mom didn't like me being out on my bike alone and she didn't ride a bike." I don't hire these kids....

And maybe you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions. My kids travel alone in foreign countries, have active social life job experience and so on but biking around here just too busy.

+1. We lived on a steep incline in the foothills, so no bikes. But I walked alone, traveled alone, etc. PP is ridiculous.

A lot of the pro sleepover comments here seem to hinge on the fact the parent enjoyed sleepovers or their kids enjoyed sleepovers, therefore anyone who's uncomfortable is wrong. Nobody is trying to make you feel bad about sleepovers. It doesn't hurt you that other people avoid sleepovers and the reaction is way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Didn't grow up doing sleepovers, so that's just not been part of our upbringing. Maybe that's cultural, because no one really went over to their friends' house to hang out at night.

We've been saying no to DD's sleepovers (see above), because we don't really find it necessary. She was really upset about it for a while, until we hosted a sleepover with a friend (the friend kind of announced that she wanted to sleep over, her parents were fine with that, and DD was ecstatic). After that night, she said she said she didn't want any more sleepovers.

She always has a hard time falling asleep, so I normally let her read until she does, but her friend fell asleep immediately, and she couldn't turn the light on. Friend talks in her sleep, and thrashes about, which woke her up (and scared her), and then she couldn't go back to sleep. She ended up in bed with us. Friend is an early bird and woke up before DD was ready to, so she was tired and sleepy the next day.

She is open to what a friend of mine calls a 'sleep under'. Kids come in PJs, they do popcorn, movies, hang out until late at night, and then everyone goes home.

[Anonymous]

I just skimmed this whole post and wow, are there some judgy parents here. I allow my children to sleepover only if I know the parents well. Currently they can sleepover at a couple of neighbor's homes who we have known for years and at the homes of a few school/sports friends. I do understand why people feel anxiety about it. I saw a hardcore porn magazine at a 3rd grade sleepover because my friend had found her dad's stash. I never told my mom. I also watched a very violent, bloody and sexual horror movie that gave nightmares at another sleepover when I was in 4th or 5th grade. The parents never even checked what we were watching in the basement. Anyway, even with that I allow my kids to certain homes, where I know parents are vigilant. But I would never judge a parent that doesn't feel comfortable with their children sleeping over. I always say something like: If your child is not allowed to sleepover, please feel free to pick them up by 11pm. There is always one or two kids that get picked up late. I don't mind, every family is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are more likely to get shot in a school shooting or get into a car accident driving with you, than something happen to them at a sleepover.

Fear mongering at it's finest.

Thank you!

These anxiety ridden Mommies destroying their kid's lives one neurotic episode at a time.

They can't walk to the bus stop alone.
They can't cross a street.
Go to the park - alone? Never!
Sleepovers? A complete travesty waiting to happen.

But but! My precious might get extra "screens" time

Both PPs are truly gross.

[Anonymous]

Holy Hell. Not only do we have all these excuses about why kids can't go to sleepovers, but we are starting a new list of why kids can't ride a bike.

You parents listing all of these reasons? Just wow.

They aren't china. You babying them with every excuse in the world is not going to help them. I thought all the studies showing the damaging mental damaging to helicoptering was going to change the mindset of current parents of young kids. Whoa.