What would happen if you denied spouse intimacy for years?

[Anonymous]

Divorce also has consequences. I’m not anti-divorce, but if the couple otherwise enjoy being married to each other, that is a lot to lose. And I can’t imagine explaining to a child that yes, Daddy and I do get along very well, but he won’t give Mommy this one thing she thinks she can’t live without.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse has denied me for around 5 years now and it was really sparse for around 10 year before that. AP and I have been together 2 years now.

It amazes me when people think the lack of intimacy won’t have consequences.

Kind of like a lack of communication. It's all important and inter-related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

This comment is so 1980"s. You have no clue, he could be asexual, he might be on medication that made the boys stop working like so many vets.

Your myopic thinking is so uneducated.

Oh please.... 13 years with no sex is the sign of a serious problem. Medication that makes him impotent does not mean this is not a problem.

OR: Maybe for you, if sex is the most important aspect of a marriage. For me, it’s not. We get along incredibly well, we have the same goals and parenting style for our child/family. Sex is one part of a big picture and, overall, the picture is wonderful. I’m not blowing up my life/my family because I have to use a vibrator. That’s juvenile, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Even if you did divorce over no sex, there’s no guarantee that you’ll have frequent sex in the future. You might end up with someone who seems high drive, but in year 3 of marriage loses interest. Are you going to divorce again? And some divorces think dating will be a never ending buffet of sexual partners, but it turns out nothing on the menu is to their taste.

[Anonymous]

Married 10 years. 8.5 years have been completely sexless. One drought was 3 years, one 4, and one 1.5 years.

We never should have married. Married in early 30s.

Spouse has low-T and we have other issues in which I don't want him either. It's bad, very unhappy and not going to last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 10 years. 8.5 years have been completely sexless. One drought was 3 years, one 4, and one 1.5 years.

We never should have married. Married in early 30s.

Spouse has low-T and we have other issues in which I don't want him either. It's bad, very unhappy and not going to last.

Do you have 3 kids? Are you trying to hold off until the youngest is a magical age?

[Anonymous]

I read this from the beginning and either half of you are trolls or you should just pull the plug and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read this from the beginning and either half of you are trolls or you should just pull the plug and move on.

I’m not in a sexless marriage, but at our age (early middle age) with DH’s health a priority we have discussed what happens if there’s never a next time. We just truly enjoy each other’s company and our life together. Sex is a piece of it, but just one piece. I wouldn’t consider throwing it all away over this one piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 10 years. 8.5 years have been completely sexless. One drought was 3 years, one 4, and one 1.5 years.

We never should have married. Married in early 30s.

Spouse has low-T and we have other issues in which I don't want him either. It's bad, very unhappy and not going to last.

Do you have 3 kids? Are you trying to hold off until the youngest is a magical age?

Geography prevented divorce for the majority of the marriage. Finally, that has changed making divorce a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Assume that if you’ve been rejecting your spouse for a couple months, he has already found another partner for the sex he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as the denied party still has working hands.

Hands with which to drive to meet his AP

[Anonymous]

I’d leave her...

[Anonymous]

I'm the periodic Bruce Springsteen lyrics poster.

We've been together for nearly 20 years. When I looked over at her during dinner tonight with our 4 kids, my heart reacted to how beautiful she is. She's so fricking sexy and an incredible mother. God knows I really love this woman.

But I go to bed so many nights longing. Anything. Intimacy. Sex. Even a little conversation would be nice. Nothing. Didn't used to be this way, but I suppose life happens. I've had opportunities, but I need deeper connection and I can't see doing that to her or our babies.

But damn, I'm so sick of dancing in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you did divorce over no sex, there’s no guarantee that you’ll have frequent sex in the future. You might end up with someone who seems high drive, but in year 3 of marriage loses interest. Are you going to divorce again? And some divorces think dating will be a never ending buffet of sexual partners, but it turns out nothing on the menu is to their taste.

Well duh why would you want to remarry?

If you are in an LTR and your partner loses interest, you kick them out and find someone who is interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn’t take years for me to pull the plug if we were both healthy. My husband would like to have sex 3-4 times a week and I’m very happy and willing 1-2 times a week. I’d really wonder if we went more than a month.

So you deny him 2 times a week... many think that is still denying.

Maybe she's not denying him. Maybe they do it 3-4x and she's only "happy and willing" 1-2x.