What would happen if you denied spouse intimacy for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

All very true, especially the bolded.

Sex doesn't carry nor make a marriage good. Many other things take precedence.

Not for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He would become a horrible person to live with and there would maybe be an affair and definitely a divorce, proceeded by lots of fighting.

Why do you have to become miserable and fight. Grow up and just leave like a normal person.

HE would starting fighting/pouting, etc. after day 7. BTDT.

My condolences. Find a real man.

A real man enjoys not being intimate with his wife, barring a medical situation?

No. They maturely talk about it and work it out... pouting and fighting and becoming a horrible person... GTFU.

and then when DH states he would appreciate regular sex, they come to DCUM to start sympathy threads stating their DH 'gave me an ultimatum, what should i do' threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

OR: he’s not having an affair or gay, he may watch porn (which is fine with me) - he’s either at work or home and works from home some days (I WAH), he’s always had a low drive and I knew that when we married, but wasn’t expecting it to go to zero so quickly.

I have never done anything outside our marriage - I would divorce before doing that (personal choice, not judging others). It’s my new normal and I can take care of things on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

This comment is so 1980"s. You have no clue, he could be asexual, he might be on medication that made the boys stop working like so many vets.

Your myopic thinking is so uneducated.

OR: thank you! So many jump to the affair option and that’s not always the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He would become a horrible person to live with and there would maybe be an affair and definitely a divorce, proceeded by lots of fighting.

Why do you have to become miserable and fight. Grow up and just leave like a normal person.

HE would starting fighting/pouting, etc. after day 7. BTDT.

My condolences. Find a real man.

A real man enjoys not being intimate with his wife, barring a medical situation?

No. They maturely talk about it and work it out... pouting and fighting and becoming a horrible person... GTFU.

and then when DH states he would appreciate regular sex, they come to DCUM to start sympathy threads stating their DH 'gave me an ultimatum, what should i do' threads.

And you maturely decide to stay, go, or open

Pouring/fighting is not necessary.

[Anonymous]

Intimacy is more important than sex. Sex without intimacy is colder than intimacy without sex.

Sex is more important than intimacy for me because intimacy can be shown in non sexual ways. I prefer raw sex ~ woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it will differ by couple.
A couple who both have a low need for sex might last a lifetime.
Another couple might have an open marriage and focus on children, business, or even politics together.
In a third marriage, a health issue for one spouse might be tolerated because of an overriding love and met with fidelity.

I no longer think frequent sex is a sign of a healthy marriage. I know too many women who hate their DH and are still sleeping together 3+ times a week.

All very true, especially the bolded.

Sex doesn't carry nor make a marriage good. Many other things take precedence.

Not for men.

Not for men +100. Seriously, with the exception of asexualen who apparently exist, for normal men sex carries a huge part of the marriage and is the indicator of it's strength.

And to the PP whose grandma said no sex in 30 years, grampa wasn't so celibate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Intimacy is more important than sex. Sex without intimacy is colder than intimacy without sex.

Sex is more important than intimacy for me because intimacy can be shown in non sexual ways. I prefer raw sex ~ woman

There's plenty of sex in and outside marriage that isn't intimate.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple in which the DH has been impotent due to medication for 30 years. Their youngest is 33 and they seem deeply in love. She doesn’t seem like the affair type. Life must go on, I wager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Intimacy is more important than sex. Sex without intimacy is colder than intimacy without sex.

Sex is more important than intimacy for me because intimacy can be shown in non sexual ways. I prefer raw sex ~ woman

There's plenty of sex in and outside marriage that isn't intimate. . Forgot to add plenty of marriages also lack intimacy but include sex. Without any intimacy in the relationship that leads to a spark, sex is dull.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 80 yr old mother recently confided that she and my dad, 84, haven’t had sex in 30+ yrs. Yup, too much info and yes, they are still married.

It isn’t realistic to expect sex forever in a marriage even a happy one.

I would have asked why. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my husband has been the uninterested party for 13+ years and we’re not divorcing, so....13+ years?

He is interested in something, just not you. Maybe an AP, maybe gay, maybe porn. Sorry. Have you strayed through that drought?

This comment is so 1980"s. You have no clue, he could be asexual, he might be on medication that made the boys stop working like so many vets.

Your myopic thinking is so uneducated.

Oh please.... 13 years with no sex is the sign of a serious problem. Medication that makes him impotent does not mean this is not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse has denied me for around 5 years now and it was really sparse for around 10 year before that. AP and I have been together 2 years now.

It amazes me when people think the lack of intimacy won’t have consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse has denied me for around 5 years now and it was really sparse for around 10 year before that. AP and I have been together 2 years now.

It amazes me when people think the lack of intimacy won’t have consequences.

Do you really think PP would not step out if wife put out? I suspect the relationship lacked intimacy outside the bedroom, which resulted in no sex, which resulted in lack of intimacy, which resulted in no sex, ... chicken and egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse has denied me for around 5 years now and it was really sparse for around 10 year before that. AP and I have been together 2 years now.

It amazes me when people think the lack of intimacy won’t have consequences.

Do you really think PP would not step out if wife put out? I suspect the relationship lacked intimacy outside the bedroom, which resulted in no sex, which resulted in lack of intimacy, which resulted in no sex, ... chicken and egg.

In general, men need sex to feel intimacy and woman intimacy to want sex. Obviously there are variances. So yes, men are likely to step out if there is no sex, and cheating by men is usually because of a lack of sex at home.