Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Not everyone with 3 kids have uncontrollable brats that you’ll end up disliking. Our 3 couldn’t have been easier or more of a pleasure and I’m not saying that just because there’ll my kids. Many kids are little monsters that I could never be close with. If I was you I’d just take it slow and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

I would think differently if you were in your 20s even early 30s but I think once you have passed mid 30s dating/ marrying a man with kids should not be a shock. My only advice is don’t allow all your time to be family time. His free time will be limited but it’s important to see him a way from the kids. It’s easy to fall in love with kids if you’re a kid person and a guy who is a good dad, but you really need to see how you fit with him outside of that. Loving his adorable kids can make it easy to ignore important things and stay around longer than you should. I know btdt. Take it slow and be honest with yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would think differently if you were in your 20s even early 30s but I think once you have passed mid 30s dating/ marrying a man with kids should not be a shock. My only advice is don’t allow all your time to be family time. His free time will be limited but it’s important to see him a way from the kids. It’s easy to fall in love with kids if you’re a kid person and a guy who is a good dad, but you really need to see how you fit with him outside of that. Loving his adorable kids can make it easy to ignore important things and stay around longer than you should. I know btdt. Take it slow and be honest with yourself.

Excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have three kids of your own who are the same ages and a live-in housekeeper, this will never work.

[Anonymous]

I would say god forbid but what other options do you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

In a healthy family the number 1 priority rotates based on individual needs while everyone is taken care of fairly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

BS ! If your kids were your # 1 priority you wouldn’t have husband # 2 your actual priority is yourself and everyone else is just a pawn for how they benefit you and your image your kids included.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny and for me this would be great. I never married and don't have kids, and my goal is to meet a nice DILF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and for me this would be great. I never married and don't have kids, and my goal is to meet a nice DILF!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

Define priority. I find people scream “ kids first!” but have little idea what that means in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

Priority over what?

If op and this man have a child together does that child play back seat to the original 3?

Does op have to put up with comparisons from her MIL and DH about deceased wife?

Do the kids have to mind OP or can they be disrespectful towards her because she comes last?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

BS ! If your kids were your # 1 priority you wouldn’t have husband # 2 your actual priority is yourself and everyone else is just a pawn for how they benefit you and your image your kids included.

Wow- which of your bitch pills did you take this morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

Define priority. I find people scream “ kids first!” but have little idea what that means in life?

Pretty easy - my little ones can't feed or clothe themselves and my DH is reasonably competent doing those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you do get involved with him don’t accept being last place. His kids will be a priority but you need to be one too. The relationship between the two of you needs to be nurtured or it will be a disaster if he, the kids, in laws view you as last place.

Um no you have to accept that you will be last place. No decent parent puts the new romantic partner in front of their kid. Ever. If you go into a relationship like this you shouldn’t be with someone who has kids.

You will be last place, always, and you will need to be ok hearing about the deceased wife and showing compassion. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but going into it with an attitude that you will someone ever be equal to his kids is ridiculous. You can still have a wonderful relationship and lots of love without being first.

My DH knows that our young kids are my #1 priority and he's fine with it as he feels the same way. We still have a very active love life and have quiet time together and it all works out.

Define priority. I find people scream “ kids first!” but have little idea what that means in life?

Pretty easy - my little ones can't feed or clothe themselves and my DH is reasonably competent doing those things.

Your not being genuine , pp in you know it. You feeding your kid has nothing to do with your personals relationship so screaming my kids my priority is false bravado