Frustrated with preferential treatment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously. Like there's some interview process for room parent. We had the same room parent every year for seven years and she was a bully to several parents and teachers. If she didn't like the teacher she'd pay them back with an end of year gift they didn't like. She'd create ways to only honor certain teachers. She abused the email system to promote her side business. Spread false rumors. I don't care how well she got along with some other teachers after watching those actions take place. No one needs to be room parent for seven years for their child. It just isn't that hard of a job and it creates a system of imbalance if you have just a couple of type A parents running everything year to year.

The room parent committee, which at our school is comprised of many parents but with one point of contact for emailing, is in charge of one donation collection, two parties a year, and an end of year gift. If you can parent a child, you can handle being a class room parent.

Name the school or it didn’t happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just ask the teacher how you can help. Sometimes there is more than one room mom. If there is, and you like her and she has a reputation of being kind (and not b**tchy b**tch!), then you could task the role together.

Or you could just offer to help without needing the title of room parent. Plenty of teachers appreciate help with things like photocopying, cutting out laminated items, collating copied packets, pulling worksheets, etc.

+1 At my kids' school I had no interest in being "room parent", although it's not that demanding since our school doesn't do holiday parties. However, for a couple years the teacher asked for someone to come in once a week to fill the "Friday folders" with all the flyers/announcements etc. Minimal time commitment and my preschooler was even able to come along while I did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP here. Actually, a lot of that list is true. There is also the fact that many schools are trying to LIMIT how many parents show up at the school, period. Some parents are too much work. They have a harsh personality, and are generally difficult to get along with. As PP stated, people skills are not their strong point, and their reputation tends to reflect that fact.

Tangentially, we have had moms signing up for certain duties for the wrong reasons. When the moms found out that the responsibilities were not what they thought they were, suddenly those moms were "busy". Funny what gets lost in translation.

No kidding. My least favorite book fair volunteers are the ones who sign up for the same shift as their friend and then get all bent out of shape when we ask them to help the kindergartners write down the names of books they want rather than socializing.

x100000


YES! THIS! This is exactly what the teachers are trying to avoid, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess many of you are missing the point she is trying to make here. Its not that the teacher shouldn't pick who she wants to. Its about the parents very conveniently getting chosen for the slot just because they have friends in the PTA.

We all got the point. What’s your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously. Like there's some interview process for room parent. We had the same room parent every year for seven years and she was a bully to several parents and teachers. If she didn't like the teacher she'd pay them back with an end of year gift they didn't like. She'd create ways to only honor certain teachers. She abused the email system to promote her side business. Spread false rumors. I don't care how well she got along with some other teachers after watching those actions take place. No one needs to be room parent for seven years for their child. It just isn't that hard of a job and it creates a system of imbalance if you have just a couple of type A parents running everything year to year.

The room parent committee, which at our school is comprised of many parents but with one point of contact for emailing, is in charge of one donation collection, two parties a year, and an end of year gift. If you can parent a child, you can handle being a class room parent.

I thought the teachers were trying to avoid getting the people who either 1.) need a title/are trying to pad their resume 2.) can't get along well with others or 3.) too type A but think they are perfect at doing everything. Or all of the above.

OP, I agree with other PP. If you really want to help, ask the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here.

I also signed upfirst to be a room parent for my child’s class. There were three spaces for volunteers for this job. I agree that just because I signed up first that I should not automatically be asigned. WHat does upset me is that I didn’t even get an email thanking me for at least signing up for quite a large commitment and that she ultimately chose someone else. That would have been the polite thing to do.

With that said, I had 12 reams of color cardstock that I orders on sale over the summer that i was going to donate to her. With no acknowledgement, I ended up giving it all to my daughter’s teacher from last year.

And no I am not buying my way for my daughter. She makes straight As and is praised for her behavior in class. She is responsible for her own accolades.

I’m sure that your daughter’s teacher from last year distributed the reams to her fellow teachers. So, everyone got it. Even the current teacher, and nobody cares who it came from.

[Anonymous]

The preferential treatment is teacher dependent. Bottom line is some parents are more than willing to seriously suck up to teachers and treat being room mom as if it were an actual job. I think it’s natural (and sad) that some teachers play into this. They tend to be old timers who are bored and going through the motions and get some joy from someone bringing them a muffin and having someone tell them how amazing they are.

What do these parents get out of this? Maybe one of the limited chaperone spots for a field trip. Or maybe knowing their kid will be treated nicely by the teacher. Being in the “in crowd” of like minded parents. Maybe getting their kid the teacher they want the following year. BFD. Many of these parents are the ones responding to this post and telling the OP she’s out of line.

It’s a problem when it detracts from the other kids/families, like when room parents come up with crazy class party ideas or teacher gift baskets or some secret “creative” (barf) class gift to surprise the teacher with that’s a PIA to put together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preferential treatment is teacher dependent. Bottom line is some parents are more than willing to seriously suck up to teachers and treat being room mom as if it were an actual job. I think it’s natural (and sad) that some teachers play into this. They tend to be old timers who are bored and going through the motions and get some joy from someone bringing them a muffin and having someone tell them how amazing they are.

What do these parents get out of this? Maybe one of the limited chaperone spots for a field trip. Or maybe knowing their kid will be treated nicely by the teacher. Being in the “in crowd” of like minded parents. Maybe getting their kid the teacher they want the following year. BFD. Many of these parents are the ones responding to this post and telling the OP she’s out of line.

It’s a problem when it detracts from the other kids/families, like when room parents come up with crazy class party ideas or teacher gift baskets or some secret “creative” (barf) class gift to surprise the teacher with that’s a PIA to put together.

Just want to add not all room mom’s are like this, there are definitely great and well intentioned room moms, but the ones that are as I described are obvious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preferential treatment is teacher dependent. Bottom line is some parents are more than willing to seriously suck up to teachers and treat being room mom as if it were an actual job. I think it’s natural (and sad) that some teachers play into this. They tend to be old timers who are bored and going through the motions and get some joy from someone bringing them a muffin and having someone tell them how amazing they are.

What do these parents get out of this? Maybe one of the limited chaperone spots for a field trip. Or maybe knowing their kid will be treated nicely by the teacher. Being in the “in crowd” of like minded parents. Maybe getting their kid the teacher they want the following year. BFD. Many of these parents are the ones responding to this post and telling the OP she’s out of line.

It’s a problem when it detracts from the other kids/families, like when room parents come up with crazy class party ideas or teacher gift baskets or some secret “creative” (barf) class gift to surprise the teacher with that’s a PIA to put together.

What a silly, silly post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've been the school for a year now. If you want to be known as a reliable volunteer that people will pick for the "good" roles, perhaps try volunteering for something important but less "fun" where the PTA struggles to get volunteers. Do it well and you'll also start to be known for being a dependable volunteer people want to choose for room parent or something.

When there is an abundance of volunteers, there are still spots that no one really wants to do that need to be done. I did clean up after our fun fair and took the recycling to the recycling place three years in a row- that bought me quite a bit of chits I could use to trade on to volunteer in a spot that I really wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a very serious accusations about grades, and I suspect you have nothing to back it up, OP. If you have, you take it straight to the Superintendant ASAP.

If you have a complaint about the PTA, speak up and complain directly to the PTA President, the Principal and on the listserve. As a PTA board member in an MCPS school, I would squash any attempt by my colleagues to distribute favors or play favorites. We are here for ALL students, not our own kids or friends' kids.

Let me tell you what I see most often: a new school parent reads on DCUM how PTAs are a bunch of cliquey stay-at-home mothers (our PTA is mostly made up of working parents of which a good number are fathers), or hears a few random and not always justified complaints at their school about not being able to access information or volunteer for jobs (usually because of poor communication on ALL sides), then it snowballs in their mind that the PTA is this GODAWFUL parasitic growth. You know what I do with these complainers? I put them in charge of something. They are free to reinvent the wheel and save the world.

You may have a legitimate complaint. By all means bring it to the relevant people's attention! They can't read your mind.

Love this post!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm glad that you didn't get picked as the room parent because you appear to be a PITA. The point of volunteering as room parent is to be helpful to the teacher. You are making this all about you.

+1. Too much drama. Find another way to help/volunteer. Maybe if they got to know you better they might pick you next time. Everything isn't the conspiracy you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its our 2nd year in a "top rated" school district since we moved from LCPS to FCPS and totally frustrated with preferential treatment some parents/students get. Looks like some parents know how to work their way up in schools by sucking up to the PTA/teachers - obviously to ensure their kids get preferential treatment and better grades. Is this the norm here? Year after year, its the same set of students that moves into the limited clubs, which are filled by so called lottery systems. Room parent assignments are taken up by the same parents ones who are on "good terms" with the PTA and teachers, never giving anyone new a chance, and ensuring their are the room parent for each class their child transitions into. Has anyone else faced this?

Sometimes I can't believe the things grown adults say out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously. Like there's some interview process for room parent. We had the same room parent every year for seven years and she was a bully to several parents and teachers. If she didn't like the teacher she'd pay them back with an end of year gift they didn't like. She'd create ways to only honor certain teachers. She abused the email system to promote her side business. Spread false rumors. I don't care how well she got along with some other teachers after watching those actions take place. No one needs to be room parent for seven years for their child. It just isn't that hard of a job and it creates a system of imbalance if you have just a couple of type A parents running everything year to year.

The room parent committee, which at our school is comprised of many parents but with one point of contact for emailing, is in charge of one donation collection, two parties a year, and an end of year gift. If you can parent a child, you can handle being a class room parent.

+10 This

[Anonymous]

If I may, I'm a member of a PTA at what would be considered a well regarded school. I've never been, or applied to be, a room parent, so I can't speak to how that process works. What I can tell you is that if you want to get involved, the PTA is a great avenue to do so. After the first meeting, it ends up being the same handful of people, and they always need an extra set of hands for various events.

I don't think there are any benefits to it that I can see, not what's been described. I had one instance where I requested my child be placed in the same class as another child because they were friends and worked well together. I didn't request a specific teacher. The kids got placed in the same class. But that form is sent to everyone at the end of the year, I didn't specifically request it, nor did I say that I was making the request as an involved member of the PTA or anything of the sort. My child is in one of those academic competitions that has limited spaces available. Again, I didn't advertise that I volunteer for the school, my kid got picked but I wasn't pulling any strings that I was aware of. No secretive phone calls from the administration, nothing like that.

Point is, if you want to be involved, get involved with the PTA. Just about every PTA could use more help. If you wind up getting picked to be a room parent later, you can tell yourself that it was because of joining. And who knows, there might be something to being a known commodity. Even if you don't get chosen, at least you'll be helping the school.