Do I make enough money to be attractive to women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

Your dating pool is going to be really small if you want women who don't want or have kids but do want a serious relationship. Add in whatever your standards for being attractive are, which will eliminate more of that pool (and if you really are just an average-looking guy, then you really can't expect above-average-looking women, but some men do).

It seems unlikely that all of your relationships have ended because you didn't make enough money. It's pretty likely that some of them ended for unrelated reasons. Some may have ended for related reasons, like your income and lack of interest in increasing it being a proxy for a lack of ambition or drive. And maybe a few women broke up with you precisely because you don't make enough money to meet whatever their standards are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

This blows my mind. 120k at 38 sounds really good to me. Dh and I together make about 240k. I always thought we were upper middle class but apparently we're just getting by "decently."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

This blows my mind. 120k at 38 sounds really good to me. Dh and I together make about 240k. I always thought we were upper middle class but apparently we're just getting by "decently."

That might be fine if you are expecting dual income even after having kids, but if one parent wants to be sahp or cut back in their career after kids arrive, that may not be enough depending on where you live and the quality of life you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

I don't know, condos can be difficult to offload and I would be way more open to dating a 35 year old man who rents than one who has a roommate in a condo... I don't think a roommate would be a good look at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

I don't know, condos can be difficult to offload and I would be way more open to dating a 35 year old man who rents than one who has a roommate in a condo... I don't think a roommate would be a good look at all.

Really? I think home ownership would make OP appear more financially secure and stable and getting a roommate to help pay down the mortgage would make OP appear smart. But then again, I'm almost 40 so maybe that's dated thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

This blows my mind. 120k at 38 sounds really good to me. Dh and I together make about 240k. I always thought we were upper middle class but apparently we're just getting by "decently."

That might be fine if you are expecting dual income even after having kids, but if one parent wants to be sahp or cut back in their career after kids arrive, that may not be enough depending on where you live and the quality of life you want.

+1 . . . but we've had these discussions on dcum over and over and never come to an agreement. If you're happy with the lifestyle, why does the classification or label matter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

I don't know, condos can be difficult to offload and I would be way more open to dating a 35 year old man who rents than one who has a roommate in a condo... I don't think a roommate would be a good look at all.

Really? I think home ownership would make OP appear more financially secure and stable and getting a roommate to help pay down the mortgage would make OP appear smart. But then again, I'm almost 40 so maybe that's dated thinking.

I'm 40 as well so I don't think it's that. I prize privacy and independence, and a 35 year old with a roommate would be a tough sell. I also don't see the lack of ownership as a negative, I don't think it's right for every circumstance and as a single man who isn't looking to have children I wouldn't really expect him to own.

[Anonymous]

OP reminds me of '90s slackers, but with a bit more money. That type is attractive to younger women who are themselves not looking to settle down, or aren't exactly sure what they want.

Most people (women and men) start to think about their future by their mid-30s. Even that much smaller group that doesn't want kids and doesn't already have kids generally has plans beyond "a nice life" of work and kind of doing whatever.

To me, OP sounds like the perfect grad-school boyfriend, but kind of aimless.

[Anonymous]

I agree with mostly everyone else that your salary is probably not the dealbreaker here--it's the not wanting kids thing. And, I would suggest that, given that you don't want kids and also won't consider a woman who already has her kids, you are probably picking poorly among the women you choose to date. Like, I am plump/curvy but active (a dancer and do yoga regularly) and get chased after by plenty of men (including ones who are pretty fit and athletic) but I would never initiate contact with a man who put "fit" as qualification because I find it's completely meaningless. For some men, it's truly code for a particular body type and for others, it just means they want someone who is active enough to participate in activities that require moderate exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

I don't know, condos can be difficult to offload and I would be way more open to dating a 35 year old man who rents than one who has a roommate in a condo... I don't think a roommate would be a good look at all.

Really? I think home ownership would make OP appear more financially secure and stable and getting a roommate to help pay down the mortgage would make OP appear smart. But then again, I'm almost 40 so maybe that's dated thinking.

I'm 40 as well so I don't think it's that. I prize privacy and independence, and a 35 year old with a roommate would be a tough sell. I also don't see the lack of ownership as a negative, I don't think it's right for every circumstance and as a single man who isn't looking to have children I wouldn't really expect him to own.

I guess I look at it as a tenant/landlord situation, not a roommate. In any case, OP is nowhere near there, so we've digressed!

[Anonymous]

The no-kid thing would be a deal breaker for me, but your salary is totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

I don't know, condos can be difficult to offload and I would be way more open to dating a 35 year old man who rents than one who has a roommate in a condo... I don't think a roommate would be a good look at all.

Really? I think home ownership would make OP appear more financially secure and stable and getting a roommate to help pay down the mortgage would make OP appear smart. But then again, I'm almost 40 so maybe that's dated thinking.

I'm 40 as well so I don't think it's that. I prize privacy and independence, and a 35 year old with a roommate would be a tough sell. I also don't see the lack of ownership as a negative, I don't think it's right for every circumstance and as a single man who isn't looking to have children I wouldn't really expect him to own.

I guess I look at it as a tenant/landlord situation, not a roommate. In any case, OP is nowhere near there, so we've digressed!

True, we have!

[Anonymous]

I have 2 women with kids for you. One is Russian-she is smart, cute and hardworking. The other is Brazilian- she is not so smart, not so cute, kinda clueless or dumb. Not sure what her problem is. Both would be happy with no more kids and your salary.
I'm Finnish and I'm take already, but you keep looking. Was picked up by a guy making $93k. I don't mind that he made that about, but he has $0 saved by the age of 38. No house, no kids, no beach house, didn't even have a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of women, including women in high earning professions, don't care about salary (as long as you're financially responsible) and are either childfree by choice or ambivalent about children. It's the women that you're going after/attracting.

The fact that he's renting at 35 would also be a turn-off for me. He just sounds like someone who doesn't want anything that might tie him down, doesn't want financial pressures or obligations. He wants a companion who just wants to do her thing which is his thing.

His posts sound like an easy-breezy, low-maintenance guy, but I'm guessing by date 3 most women are discovering someone who doesn't just "know what he does and doesn't want," but is also not interested in anything out of his wheelhouse.

So, you're eliminating all women who want or have kids, you are renting, you say nothing about plans for the future ... This is not the profile of someone most women want. Sorry. The "hang-out-and-have-fun" phase runs its course for most of us, and when we look toward doing it again in retirement, it's not in a rented DC apartment.

This. OP, I dated someone like you (possibly you lol) and what this poster says hits the nail on the head, especially with the idea of wanting nothing to tie you down. I know you say you want a committed relationship, but to me you fit the profile of a wishy-washy guy who is likely to ghost someone.

What's your apartment look like? The guy I dated seemed awesome at first, then the red flags started popping up. Specifically, his apartment was this dark, unkempt, dungeon-like space... made my skin crawl. His salary was the least of my concerns.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd be turned off by the fact you're a journalist.