Do I make enough money to be attractive to women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

You do want too much. 71% of US is overweight so that leaves you with 29%. Substract the number of women who don't want AND don't have children AND don't care about a low salary for DC standards so it leaves you with almost zero. I know a couple like you want to be part of but he's so $$$$$ and she's early 40s and I don't think they're going to make it because she decided that she'd love a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

You do want too much. 71% of US is overweight so that leaves you with 29%. Substract the number of women who don't want AND don't have children AND don't care about a low salary for DC standards so it leaves you with almost zero. I know a couple like you want to be part of but he's so $$$$$ and she's early 40s and I don't think they're going to make it because she decided that she'd love a child.

exactly. And OP, get a vasectomy if you don't ever want kids. We have enough kids out there with uninterested fathers, and you need to do your part of birth control. Condoms fail too easily.

I only know one woman who never wanted kids, and it was because she had a crappy childhood. She is also still single - 50.

[Anonymous]

I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

[Anonymous]

Plenty of women, including women in high earning professions, don't care about salary (as long as you're financially responsible) and are either childfree by choice or ambivalent about children. It's the women that you're going after/attracting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of women, including women in high earning professions, don't care about salary (as long as you're financially responsible) and are either childfree by choice or ambivalent about children. It's the women that you're going after/attracting.

And yet, OP is having a hard time finding them. What is "plenty"? Certainly not the majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of women, including women in high earning professions, don't care about salary (as long as you're financially responsible) and are either childfree by choice or ambivalent about children. It's the women that you're going after/attracting.

The fact that he's renting at 35 would also be a turn-off for me. He just sounds like someone who doesn't want anything that might tie him down, doesn't want financial pressures or obligations. He wants a companion who just wants to do her thing which is his thing.

His posts sound like an easy-breezy, low-maintenance guy, but I'm guessing by date 3 most women are discovering someone who doesn't just "know what he does and doesn't want," but is also not interested in anything out of his wheelhouse.

So, you're eliminating all women who want or have kids, you are renting, you say nothing about plans for the future ... This is not the profile of someone most women want. Sorry. The "hang-out-and-have-fun" phase runs its course for most of us, and when we look toward doing it again in retirement, it's not in a rented DC apartment.

[Anonymous]

IF you don't want kids and you're mid 30s what are your plans for the future. Continue what you've been doing, enjoy the world, travel, and take on some hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

Indeed, you are discovering that older women are more financially settled and stable, and they are thinking about kids in the future. It's the area. It's expensive. If you took the $120K, and moved to a cheaper area, you would be a real catch for most women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of women, including women in high earning professions, don't care about salary (as long as you're financially responsible) and are either childfree by choice or ambivalent about children. It's the women that you're going after/attracting.

And yet, OP is having a hard time finding them. What is "plenty"? Certainly not the majority.

Clearly, you're looking in same places places as OP.

[Anonymous]

I married a guy like you (reporter, never gonna be wealthy). I am also slim, pretty, highly educated with a good but non profit wages career. I was raised by academics and never valued money as much as others (perhaps I should have)...dated plenty of higher earners but I fell in love. however we both wanted kids.

You might have better luck dating divorced women who don't want more kids, but that comes with other complications...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IF you don't want kids and you're mid 30s what are your plans for the future. Continue what you've been doing, enjoy the world, travel, and take on some hobbies.

This was my DH when we got together. He was in his mid 30s. I am six years younger than he is, and I started the "future" discussion. He didn't think that much about his future. He was very much a live in the moment kind of person, enjoying life, making good money, but little in retirement savings. I had way more than he did, and I made less and for less time, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're 35, you don't want kids, you rent, and you make (for DC) a solidly middle-class salary. Assuming you're saving for retirement (you are, aren't you?) that isn't going to afford a lot of the things childless couples often stay childless to do, like adventuresome vacations.

So, yeah. I'm sure you're a nice guy, but you're not exactly exuding "life partner." Do you have any ambitions that might make you seem more exciting than you do here?

Harsh. The truth is OP does make enough to be attractive to the right woman for him. Whether he is looking for love in all the wrong places could be part of the difficulty in finding a long term relationship. Reality is that ruling out woman that want kids, may want kids, have kids - that’s a huge number right there. There is a higher likelihood of finding this with the early 40’s, no kids but that’s not guaranteed. Otherwise you would need to find something like the meetup group where people are specifically seeking other people with the same mindset.

With the adventuresome vacations, I will say that could be a factor BUT that could just as much be a difference around the other person having prioritized those things in their life and OP doesn’t. If I value home ownership and saving to take great vacations, I might not be a good match for someone that doesn’t have an eye towards home ownership and chooses to spend disposable income on a really nice car. When you are in your early 20’s it’s hard to know where anyone ends up on these things but by mid-30’s it’s more obvious where we match. BTW I married someone that was making less at the time and isn’t in a high paying career. For the most part we are similar in how we spend our money including that we enjoy traveling over beach vacations. His family didn’t have a lot of money (teachers) and managed to travel around the US and some international vacations. There were other places where they sacrificed to have those experiences. So to OP find someone that has similar priorities in addition to not wanting children and you will be OK. I know a few reporters/writers and it seems like their spouses were also had a similar background even if they are in a different field now or appreciate/respect the profession. One person met their spouse by corresponding about an article, another it was via work.

[Anonymous]

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

Indeed, you are discovering that older women are more financially settled and stable, and they are thinking about kids in the future. It's the area. It's expensive. If you took the $120K, and moved to a cheaper area, you would be a real catch for most women.

Unless he telecommuted, he wouldn’t be making $120k in the new area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and make 120. Sometimes that still doesn’t seem like enough. It’s enough for me to have a decent car, decent place to live and allows me to do things like CrossFit, travel and other activities. Sure I’d like to make more but I work to live not live to work and cherish time with my friends.

I’ve been told I don’t make enough...younger women seem ok with what I make but I’m not looking to settle down with a 24 year old

Indeed, you are discovering that older women are more financially settled and stable, and they are thinking about kids in the future. It's the area. It's expensive. If you took the $120K, and moved to a cheaper area, you would be a real catch for most women.

Unless he telecommuted, he wouldn’t be making $120k in the new area

understood, I'm just saying that $120K here is different than $120K some place cheaper.