Do I make enough money to be attractive to women?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He goes for pretty girls, pretty girls like money, so therefore he goes for girls that like money.

I think this is part of it, too. He wants someone who is fit (ie, pretty) and fun, AND who doesn't care about money or having kids. This is called wanting it all. It's like a woman who wants a man who is good looking, great body, great father, makes six figures, AND helps around the house 50/50. That's a woman's version of having it all.

Sure, there are some folks out there that may fit the bill on both sides, both they are extremely few and far between.

+1

OP, you'll have much better luck finding a woman with all those characteristics if you make $400k. Just basic math.

[Anonymous]

Without kids, 90k seems okay. Assuming you'll be DINKs for life, with another 90k salary, you'd both be doing okay.

Probably if you had more money, you'd get a lot of women who'd take you on but then try to get you to have kids later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

Usually fit means attractive. And most men don't care about how much money a woman makes, but most do care about a woman's attractiveness. So, yes, you do want it all.

This is what people have been telling you, that most women want kids, and that's why you are having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

When I met my now-husband 10+ years ago, he was making 45K, significantly less than I was. I fell in love with him anyway. He's caught up now (and then some) but there was never any guarantee, and I was ok with that. What mattered to me was that he was gainfully employed and financially and emotionally stable, making things work even though his salary was low.

I'm guessing this has to do with the kind of women you are choosing - I personally know plenty of lovely women here in DC who wouldn't even think about choosing a mate based on their earning potential. In fact I'm struggling to think of any of my friends here in DC/DC area who had money as part of their criteria - and I grew up and went to school here. I can only come up with one, and she's still single and now pushing 40, still chasing that elusive 6'3" wealthy supermodel with no prior marriages/baggage. Are you chasing the equivalent?

Money aside... Would I have kept dating my husband if he was sure didn't want kids? No, even though we fell in love pretty quickly. That's a pretty big deal, and not something you can compromise on.

[Anonymous]

180K two household income with no kids...That's great. I think OP has had some bad experiences

But decent looking, good job and multiple languages would attract most women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids is the dealbreaker - not salary. Unless you are going for divorcees who already have 2-3 children.

Not for all women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

Still skeptical and wondering if you're refusing to see something about your choices - although of course I could be wrong about that. Can you tell us whether there were any women who wanted to go out with you but you weren't attracted to? Can you put your finger on why you were not attracted to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

Still skeptical and wondering if you're refusing to see something about your choices - although of course I could be wrong about that. Can you tell us whether there were any women who wanted to go out with you but you weren't attracted to? Can you put your finger on why you were not attracted to them?

I should add that I had not planned on having kids until I met my husband and I saw how much he loved kids. Not saying that you will or should change your mind. Just saying that there are women out there who aren't interested in having kids who want to date men who have stable jobs but don't have to be rich. Wonder why you're not finding them.

[Anonymous]

If your last girlfriend was interested in a high-earning mate, the she needs to target that kind of man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 year old male and work as a reporter in the city making 90K. I don't see myself ever making some of the figures touted on this forum. I don't have trouble getting dates. I am a decent looking guy with an athletic build and interesting background. But the stumbling block always seems to be women looking for a LTR that are not happy with the income I make. I get by alright in DC and don't have a roommate and pay about 1700 for a 1 bedroom. With other overhead expenses, that doesn't leave much for frivolous spending.

I don't usually date younger women and I am looking for something meaningful and I don't want kids. The kids aspect of course has some women turned off, but that is usually revealed early on. I don't want to mislead anyone.

The reason i state is that my last relationship floundered after 6 months when she, a person making about the same salary, was wondering (mentioned it like 1000 times) how i can boost my salary.

Be still my heart! <3

That's the big deal breaker for most in this area, but that makes you even more attractive to me because I also don't want kids. I'm a female and finding a male who doesn't want kids is getting increasingly more difficult.

Look for Meetup groups that are specifically for Childfree adults. I've had good luck there.

Another childfree person here, and this is the best advice for you, OP. Forget all the typical dcum bashing going on - it's fine if you want it all. I did and was able to find it in my DH.

[Anonymous]

I know lots of men similar to you except they have more money. They are single, never married in their 50s. The not wanting or having kids is the dealbreaker.

Even rich guys have trouble finding attractive, fit, well educated and accomplished women (not trophy wives) if they don’t want kids.

[Anonymous]

OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP there are a few things you can do you up your economic profile without switching careers.

First, buy a condo. You can afford one if you can afford 1700/month in rent. Get on the property ladder. At $90K, you actually qualify for middle-income assisted home buying programs through the DC government. Check out this posting, it runs down your options: https://dc.urbanturf.com/articles/blog/first-timer_primer_a_rundown_of_dcs_home_buyer_assistance_programs/7974

You can use NACA or CityFirst to get yourself into a solid apartment and build a financial future for yourself. That will be attractive to women. I'd actually recommend buying a 2BR and renting out the second bedroom. The tax benefits are massive, you can either do a full time roommate or AirBnB. Plus, owning a home means that a woman can one day move in with you.

Second, get a side-hustle. Be a bartender, start an online freelance gig (copy writing, editing, test prep, tutoring, whatever), or start a small biz. It doesn't have to pay a ton, but extra cash is extra cash. A good first year goal is to earn enough to full fund your 401K ($18K pre-tax).

Both of these are attainable by this time next year. Good luck!

Listen to this PP. I dated a guy who was able to buy a nice condo in the city on a $40k salary. What made him so attractive is he was very financially savvy and was able to live a good lifestyle on such a small (by DC standards) salary.

[Anonymous]

DCUM has opinions all over. He's attractive and great catch; he's a terrible catch;
He needs to make more money or buy a condo etc.

I think you'll find someone. Plenty of women don't want kids. Some are cute and some aren't.