Do I make enough money to be attractive to women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am definitely misunderstood on here. I’m not Peter Pan or whatever that means. I have a career and interests, but I understand that people will immediately attack you if you don’t want kids as some sort of lost individual. I remember when I told my mom that I don’t want kids and she questioned why I got married. Fair point. But not all of us kid free people want to screw around all day and do nothing with our lives.

I study more languages, I help refugees settle in the states, i attend lectures and philosophical discussions. And it’s not like I don’t spend frivolously. I love to travel all over, and I would love a companion that enjoys that as well. Traveling by yourself isn’t that easy sometimes.

I understand that finding a person that doesn’t want kids or doesn’t already have them in my age group is a tough sell, but I certainly have felt that there is an expectation of more money when you’re 35 and single.

Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

NP here: I can't speak for anyone else but when I was dating I would have thought you sounded great! I am also a writer and don't want kids. My now-husband is the same. When we started dating in our mid-30s, I was earning in the 60s and he was in the 80s - once we combined our salaries we had a great life. We didn't really need to be earning more since we didn't have to worry about saving for college tuition or daycare or anything like that.

Dating is hard. Finding a partner is hard. I would not think that a $90k salary would exclude that many people, except someone who wants to be a stay at home mom, which you wouldn't be interested in anyway since you don't want kids.

[Anonymous]

I think the major issue here is not wanting children.

You have every right to not want children.
However the majority of people, women mostly desire children in the future so by disclosing that you do not is likely the culprit, not your income.

I think it is great that you disclose this early on.
Keeps things from getting complicated later on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this is a skewed audience in terms of the childfree issue. There are more childfree by choice women out there in the world than the posters here would like you to think (not necessarily in a sinister way). You're a reporter - do some investigating and you will find some good childfree groups out there.

I do agree with PPs that point out that some childfree women may want someone more ambitious than you come across. If I'm childfree, it's because I want to spend my time (and money) indulging, not doing good in this world Then again, mother theresa was childfree I believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

Have you tried dating writers, artists, musicians or other creative types?

[Anonymous]

OP: the most common element in the universe isn't hydrogen, it's female entitlement. Get used to it, they're just as entitled at 50, and at 75, as they are at 25.

[Anonymous]

NP. I can't find a man who doesn't want kids/ the possibility. I don't ever want them. I also don't want a man to support me, I have a job and my own money/ resources. I don't mix finances. It's funny how things vary in different areas of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HEre

I really am not a couch potato. I am not looking to win the nobel prize or anything, but I am pretty active overall.

I haven't written off women with kids, but i have dated a couple and its just too much. I respect them, and i like their strength, but I didn't get to see them often, which was a dealbreaker. I like a good partner in my life.

I guess i should have mentioned...i am divorced, which may be another deal breaker for some. It was amicable, we married young and in the end...she wanted kids despite telling me the day we married she didn't want any. I asked her every year whether she wanted any, just to make sure.

So yeah. Minds do change.

I do run, lift, do HIIT, 5-6 times a week, regularly run half marathons, and eat fairly well, but guess what - I'm still 15 lbs overweight bc I have PCOS or fluffy as I call it. Thankfully though my bf doesn't mind my size, but I admit I'd be a bit turned off if you told me you only wanted fit women. If you had that in your profile, I'd swipe left. I could totally do active things with you, but I won't look like you want me too, and that is too much f*ing pressure - hard pass. I'm just two years younger than you, and my bf works at a non-profit making less than you, so salary isn't what matters. I haven't decided if I want kids or not yet, but I could see that being a deal breaker for many of my friends.

I get that you are only attracted to a certain type, but being "fit" over 30 is expensive so I could definitely see wanting a rich man to help pay for gyms, boutique classes, salons, dermatologists, whole foods, etc.

I on the other hand pay for some of that stuff myself, and my bf finds me sexy regardless of my size. I'm okay with his salary bc he is doing great work and is happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 year old male and work as a reporter in the city making 90K. I don't see myself ever making some of the figures touted on this forum. I don't have trouble getting dates. I am a decent looking guy with an athletic build and interesting background. But the stumbling block always seems to be women looking for a LTR that are not happy with the income I make. I get by alright in DC and don't have a roommate and pay about 1700 for a 1 bedroom. With other overhead expenses, that doesn't leave much for frivolous spending.

I don't usually date younger women and I am looking for something meaningful and I don't want kids. The kids aspect of course has some women turned off, but that is usually revealed early on. I don't want to mislead anyone.

The reason i state is that my last relationship floundered after 6 months when she, a person making about the same salary, was wondering (mentioned it like 1000 times) how i can boost my salary.

35 yo making $90k in an urban city. What's your plan? Just keep doing that? sounds like you're trying to marry money, since most people you will be dating make the same or more, or much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 year old male and work as a reporter in the city making 90K. I don't see myself ever making some of the figures touted on this forum. I don't have trouble getting dates. I am a decent looking guy with an athletic build and interesting background. But the stumbling block always seems to be women looking for a LTR that are not happy with the income I make. I get by alright in DC and don't have a roommate and pay about 1700 for a 1 bedroom. With other overhead expenses, that doesn't leave much for frivolous spending.

I don't usually date younger women and I am looking for something meaningful and I don't want kids. The kids aspect of course has some women turned off, but that is usually revealed early on. I don't want to mislead anyone.

The reason i state is that my last relationship floundered after 6 months when she, a person making about the same salary, was wondering (mentioned it like 1000 times) how i can boost my salary.

35 yo making $90k in an urban city. What's your plan? Just keep doing that? sounds like you're trying to marry money, since most people you will be dating make the same or more, or much more.

“Most” people he will be dating will be making $90K?
He’s trying to marry money?

Neither of those things seems true in any obvious way.

[Anonymous]

Q. Do I make enough money to be attractive to women?

A. A 35 yo in an urban city making $90k gross is not attractive. I would wonder what your life goals are if that's where you are at by now.
Try other states where that is more average white collar or blue collar salary. That's bottom quartile in WDC working professionals that age. If you're going for free-lancing or something else, you'll have to stick to those circles.

[Anonymous]

I think no kids is the issue as well. My husband made less than $40k when we married and barely makes $100k now. I make enough to support us and our kids, so I am pleasantly surprised that he contributes as much as he does now.

It could also be that as a reporter you might work long or odd hours. I used to travel 80-100% as an IT consultant and was only home Fri-Sun. I was amazed at the number of men who wouldn’t date me because I wasn’t around to hang out on weeknights. My husband was the first man I dated who never asked me “so how long do you plan to travel / work this much / etc.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I have dated in every branch out there. Academics, private, government. The harsh reality is that many want kids...or already have kids, which is also something i am not looking for.
Maybe i do want too much. I want someone fun, doesn't have to be looking like a model, but fit. I am an average looking guy who takes care of himself.

I don't think i want it all. I am not looking for a sugar momma...that would be wanting it all.

OK then you don't want kids nor to be a father figure.

So what do you have to offer a single woman who doesn't want kids? The one I know married career equals and have a lot of fun, less worries, are great aunts/godparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 year old male and work as a reporter in the city making 90K. I don't see myself ever making some of the figures touted on this forum. I don't have trouble getting dates. I am a decent looking guy with an athletic build and interesting background. But the stumbling block always seems to be women looking for a LTR that are not happy with the income I make. I get by alright in DC and don't have a roommate and pay about 1700 for a 1 bedroom. With other overhead expenses, that doesn't leave much for frivolous spending.

I don't usually date younger women and I am looking for something meaningful and I don't want kids. The kids aspect of course has some women turned off, but that is usually revealed early on. I don't want to mislead anyone.

The reason i state is that my last relationship floundered after 6 months when she, a person making about the same salary, was wondering (mentioned it like 1000 times) how i can boost my salary.

You don’t want kids? I have one kid and make slightly less than you, but would LOVE to find a guy around my age who didn’t want kids. I have no desire to have more, and all the guys I find to date want 1-2 kids.

[Anonymous]

Look OP you do not make enough money for women in this area. For a guy in this area 450- 500k is the minimum.

The funny thing is a lot of the women who know this to be true will not see their sons as unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look OP you do not make enough money for women in this area. For a guy in this area 450- 500k is the minimum.

The funny thing is a lot of the women who know this to be true will not see their sons as unattractive.

Top of your game journalists are making $3-5M here between their TV show, books, weekly articles and speaking engagements.
Mid-levels are making $150-250k.
This is journalism. Media is a big industry here, in NY and in LA.