My wife is an entitled bum

[Anonymous]

I guarantee you that she resents you and is ashamed of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be the lone female dissenter here and say she should clean up after you cook. My DH does this, even when I was a sahm. Do you have a dishwasher? Why can't she just load everything in there and turn it on? If you don't have one, get a small portable one and just dump everything in there.

Does she want you to cook? Would she be just as happy getting takeout or eating something simple? If cooking elaborate meals is your hobby and outlet and it's creating more work than is necessary for the household - then that's on you. Use the dishwasher.

She also needs to get over herself in terms of help - you either woman up and clean yourself, or get over the objection to hiring it out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP HEre;

This took some type of turn.
I actually also work a high pressure job, she's just in a more lucrative field.
I am also not expecting her to do half the work. I recognize she works more than me and brings in more cash. That isn't lost on me.
I cook, and not just crap meals, but decent stuff that takes preparation in the morning as well.
I am simply expecting her to do some things around the house. Like doing the dishes after I am done (yes, i do leave dishes overnight like an asshole, i do rinse most of them though)
I expect her to clean up from time to time.
The reason we don't have cleaners come on the weekends is because both of us don't want to stay home.

IT's also not as if she works 9-8 daily, lately its been 9-7, while i've been at work about the same time. It's also not as if i make no cash. She is just an attorney at a big firm and i work as an attorney at a smaller place.

We got into a fight this morning about this, which is why i called her a bum. I do regret that, but I still think she is taking advantage of me. She isn't a mean spirited and is grateful for the food i make. But instead of thanks, and delicious, i would like more help from time to time.

And we're likely not having kids. 1st world problems here.
People here are always quick to attack.

You two can't stay home for a few hours for your cleaners even once a month? Are you sure you're not looking for excuses to leave her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the lone female dissenter here and say she should clean up after you cook. My DH does this, even when I was a sahm. Do you have a dishwasher? Why can't she just load everything in there and turn it on? If you don't have one, get a small portable one and just dump everything in there.

Does she want you to cook? Would she be just as happy getting takeout or eating something simple? If cooking elaborate meals is your hobby and outlet and it's creating more work than is necessary for the household - then that's on you. Use the dishwasher.

She also needs to get over herself in terms of help - you either woman up and clean yourself, or get over the objection to hiring it out

He cooks and makes a big mess. He can clean it up. There is a difference from some leftover dishes after eating and the entire mess. My dad would do that and we hated when he cooked as it wasn't worth it. I clean as I go. Very little mess after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guarantee you that she resents you and is ashamed of you.

OP HEre: Why is she ashamed of me? Just to set the record straight. she has a weirdness about hiring cleaners and theft. I don't really care and I am not afraid of theft. I've pushed for cleaner that past year since buying the house.
I am also not fat. I work out regularly, and I am damn good shape and pretty good looking and she knows it. She often uses it to brag about how great i am around the house...but then doesn't offer to help out.
Why she doesn't just throw things in the dishwasher..because she is lazy. I can see it from her upbringing. Her parents do everything for her, that's how she was raised.
It's tough to break these traditions and roles in life.
I get that she is tired after work, but as someone on here said, her hours aren't that crazy. Instead of watching a couple of hours of trash TV, do something. We have cats that she wanted that shed absolutely everywhere as well.

I admire all the potshots at my character as well. Suddenly I am the lazy entitled kindergartner and she is a saint that can do no wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP AGain:
I do clean as I go with my elaborate meals. Trust me. Its after the meal, when a few plates and a pot need cleaning. I mean its like 10 mins job. She simply can't muster doing it. and then she actually makes herself breakfast in the morning (only for herself) and then doesn't clean that up either. USually scrambling eggs or whatever.
I am not unreasonable, just don't know how to approach it anymore without being placated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be the lone female dissenter here and say she should clean up after you cook. My DH does this, even when I was a sahm. Do you have a dishwasher? Why can't she just load everything in there and turn it on? If you don't have one, get a small portable one and just dump everything in there.

Does she want you to cook? Would she be just as happy getting takeout or eating something simple? If cooking elaborate meals is your hobby and outlet and it's creating more work than is necessary for the household - then that's on you. Use the dishwasher.

She also needs to get over herself in terms of help - you either woman up and clean yourself, or get over the objection to hiring it out

He cooks and makes a big mess. He can clean it up. There is a difference from some leftover dishes after eating and the entire mess. My dad would do that and we hated when he cooked as it wasn't worth it. I clean as I go. Very little mess after dinner.

I'm the first PP. My DH bakes and makes a huge mess when he does so. I don't particularly enjoy baked goods (just not my thing), but the kids also enjoy it. I clean up after him most times, and even when he does clean up after himself, it's usually a halfa$$ job (flour and pools of water still on the counter), so I will clean up after his cleanup. Yes, it's kind of annoying, but I have higher cleaning standards than he does (clearly, and no, I'm not a neat freak). We also have house cleaners.

Some of you have no idea what a "partnership" means.

[Anonymous]

OP, no one wants to do dishes after dinner while the other person relaxes. No one. It doesn't matter who did the cooking.

So either alternate, or move dishes to the morning, or give up on this one. Or come up with another chore that can be done at the same time.

Here's what she hears: Hi honey! Haven't seen you all day! Let's eat this meal, and then you can do your chore sheet while I sit. I finished mine already.

[Anonymous]

So you cook for her and then she makes breakfast for herself, works a ton of hours and lounges around the house. How fat is your wife. Do you just resent her for being obese

[Anonymous]

OP, just hire a cleaner when you are at home. If she b1tches about it, then tell her she can clean. Otherwise, she can shut it.

I hear you about the few dishes she leaves. That would annoy me, too. My DH does a halfa$$ job cleaning, and that annoys me. If he did nothing, it would be worse. But, he is otherwise a good DH (and a decent father) so I let it go.

-signed a wife

[Anonymous]

Use paper plates.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you're shared your feelings on this many times, and nothing actually changes. So at this point, you need to assume she's never going to change on this point, and then you need to decide whether you can make peace with it instead of being angry and resentful all the time, or if you're better off getting a divorce.

[Anonymous]

If you're good looking, start looking for a woman on the side and threaten an affair if she doesn't buck up. This is ridiculous. She's using you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP AGain:
I do clean as I go with my elaborate meals. Trust me. Its after the meal, when a few plates and a pot need cleaning. I mean its like 10 mins job. She simply can't muster doing it. and then she actually makes herself breakfast in the morning (only for herself) and then doesn't clean that up either. USually scrambling eggs or whatever.
I am not unreasonable, just don't know how to approach it anymore without being placated.

Stop making those elaborate meals. Make a week's or a few days' worth of meals on the weekend. Pick up take-out for the rest of the meals. She's tired and doesn't have the capacity to do the clean-up.

[Anonymous]

What's her number? I will take her off your hands.