My wife is an entitled bum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife does barely any work around the house.
She has a good job and makes a lot of money. More than double what I make and that's fine with me. We both work but I am the only one that works around the house. We also don't have kids.

I usually come home a couple of hours before she does. We live in 2,000 sqft row house
I cook and do the dishes. I clean the house, including the bathrooms. I do the laundry. I tidy up pretty much on a daily basis.
I usually work from about 9-6, she works from 9-8. She wakes up in the morning, earlier than I do, and watches trashy TV from about 6 to 8. She doesn't do the dishes from my cooking the night before. She doesn't tidy up the house in those 2 hours. We have portable tv headphones, so she can walk around and do stuff...but doesn't.
The only thing she does is pack me a lunch (usually a sandwich, meat, cheese, and a condiment) and often forgets something.

I've told her before that this can't continue. she usually makes a small effort to appease me, and then its back to normal.

I am now thinking of leaving her. I hear women constantly complaining about their lazy husbands and think to myself that I am a rare commodity. I like to cook, but need help from time to time around the house.

LOL, I will give you the same advice I'd give a woman. Suck it up. Hire some cleaners. Pack your own damn lunch. If she is working 9-8, that trashy TV is her outlet. Who TF wants to clean your dirty dishes from the night before, BEFORE going to a job that they are going to work 11 hours? And who wants to clean those dishes and then scrub the toilet? Nope.

[Anonymous]

You must surely realize that she is probably cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. Not a troll. this is a real post and this is my real life.

We can easily hire cleaners, but she doesn't want to since she doesn't want people in the house when she isn't here. That wouldn't be such a big problem if she actually did something.

The only time she actually cleans is when her mother comes to town.

Just hire cleaners. Don't tell her about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here. Not a troll. this is a real post and this is my real life.

We can easily hire cleaners, but she doesn't want to since she doesn't want people in the house when she isn't here. That wouldn't be such a big problem if she actually did something.

The only time she actually cleans is when her mother comes to town.

Based on this update, she is being unfair - and I would say the same thing if the roles were reversed.

[Anonymous]

Hire someone, she needs to get over that worry

The great money She is making with the extra hours of work needs to be spent on this

[Anonymous]

You have no kids. If you can't find a way to manage the minimal housework of two people who are out of the house all day without resentment, then you two are not a match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You work 10+ fewer hours a week than she does, and you can't manage to clean the house (especially with no kids to mess it up) and wash some dishes during that time? Weak.

This x1000

[Anonymous]

Even if she doesn't want people in the house, you deserve a clean house and yu aren't willing to do it all yourself.
She can take on chores or let you outsource. Not negotiable. Those are the only options.

[Anonymous]

Whoever makes the most and works the longest, does the least. Sorry, that's the unspoken rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You work 10+ fewer hours a week than she does, and you can't manage to clean the house (especially with no kids to mess it up) and wash some dishes during that time? Weak.

This x1000

Yep sorry. Your house would be a disaster with children.

[Anonymous]

I think you're confused about who is an entitled bum here. You make half of what she does and think you're entitled to two extra hours of leisure time each day as a result.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you can afford to hire cleaners, which is one way to solve this problem. If you can't or don't want to, you'll have to talk about this and figure out how to divide things up. In our house, one of us cooks and the other does dishes - and it's not always the same one cooking (though usually it's me). Sit down and make a list of what needs to get done and figure out together how you're going to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're confused about who is an entitled bum here. You make half of what she does and think you're entitled to two extra hours of leisure time each day as a result.

Actually, it sounds like he thinks he needs her permission to hire cleaners. I am 100% sure she spends money on something he thinks is unnecessary.

Making more money does not entitle anyone to give orders to their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys want kids? Just know that the workload (cleaning, shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry, etc...not to mention general caretaking and planning and - at the rate you guys are going - resentment) will TRIPLE if you do have kids.

Either way, it sounds like this is a problem you're ultimately going to have to either come to terms with, or get her to agree to hiring someone. And...it sounds like at this point you guys can afford to hire someone.

Finally, I don't agree with your characterization of her as an "entitled bum" - she's not sitting around doing nothing all day (nor are SAHMS, ftr!). She's working 11 hour days...and she packs your lunch, which seems sweet and definitely isn't something she has to do. Your approach to that ('she messes it up half the time!') makes me think you're being overly critical. Once again, if you have kids the 2 hour trashy tv fest in the morning likely will become a thing of the past - but I wouldn't begrudge her wanting to have some downtime. Just be frank: tell her either she has to agree to taking cooking/cleaning X nights per week, OR she has to be okay with hiring someone. Maybe this person can come during the day when you are both out of the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You work 10+ fewer hours a week than she does, and you can't manage to clean the house (especially with no kids to mess it up) and wash some dishes during that time? Weak.

This x1000

+2. There just isn't THAT much work involved here and you're being very overdramatic about it. You should know that if you have kids there will ACTUALLY be a lot of extra work around the house...this problem will be magnified by 50