My wife is an entitled bum

[Anonymous]

You married a princess and now you’re expecting her not to be a princess. Good luck with that.

However, you need to clean as you go in the kitchen. I had a small kitchen for years, so it was a necessity. By the time I sit down to dinner the only things left to clean after dinner are the dinner plates and the serving dish. That cleans in five minutes. Stop lettting the eight million utensils and bowls you are using pile up, and do not let food dishes sit out. That’s nasty and an invitation for critters. If you want to cook something hyper complicated, don’t leav someone else a mountain of dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You married a princess and now you’re expecting her not to be a princess. Good luck with that.

However, you need to clean as you go in the kitchen. I had a small kitchen for years, so it was a necessity. By the time I sit down to dinner the only things left to clean after dinner are the dinner plates and the serving dish. That cleans in five minutes. Stop lettting the eight million utensils and bowls you are using pile up, and do not let food dishes sit out. That’s nasty and an invitation for critters. If you want to cook something hyper complicated, don’t leav someone else a mountain of dishes.

This is SO true. When I cook, I clean as I go because I'm lazy: the last thing I want to do after eating a big meal is a big cleanup. So easy, so efficient. My wife, on the other hand, creates absolute chaos and leaves me to clean the stew of spills and crumbs and garbage and wall splatters and a million dishes. Blech.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough to get a good man in dc. Handsome (according to himself) check, good earning potential check, cooks and cleans and does the laundry check.

Dump her and get on tinder. I’m waiting

+1

[Anonymous]

No one is so stupid as to get a divorce over this.

Learn to live in a messier house.

Go out to eat every day.

Take your laundry to your dry cleaners.

Hire nightly help so you are home.

Quit your job and become a house husband.

Go to a therapist.

Any of these are normal options.

Getting divorced is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is so stupid as to get a divorce over this.

Learn to live in a messier house.

Go out to eat every day.

Take your laundry to your dry cleaners.

Hire nightly help so you are home.

Quit your job and become a house husband.

Go to a therapist.

Any of these are normal options.

Getting divorced is not.

Disagree. They are a train wreck waiting to happen. Imagine if kids came into the picture suddenly. It's not like OP's wife is receptive to feedback. He's talked to her and she gives lip service but does nothing; she also won't hire a cleaner. He already resents her a lot.

Sometimes it's better to cut loose when there are no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whoever makes the most and works the longest, does the least. Sorry, that's the unspoken rule.

This!

No, whoever cares the most does the most.

1000x this! ^

Yup.

And at some point you have ask yourself if you care about a clean house more than you care about your partner.

Also, remember that people perceive mess very differently. Personally, I don't see it sometimes...but if DH asks me to do something I am happy to oblige. And vice versa....luckily we are pretty equal/complimentary when it comes to our mess/cleaning habits.

Oh man...any given week there are a couple of DWs complaining about their husbands not doing enough around the house.

PLEASE write the same thing to them as you have here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is so dumb. Two hard working attorneys should hire a friggin cleaning service. If you want to be there, work in one room while they are cleaning the rest of the house and then switch to another part of the house when they need to clean that room. This is ridiculous.

Agreed. Why is this still going on?

A cleaner was suggested in the first few pages

The wife is trading free time for money... Now she needs to take her money and trade that back for a clean house...

The magic of division of labor... Helping solve problems since the stone age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is so stupid as to get a divorce over this.

Learn to live in a messier house.

Go out to eat every day.

Take your laundry to your dry cleaners.

Hire nightly help so you are home.

Quit your job and become a house husband.

Go to a therapist.

Any of these are normal options.

Getting divorced is not.

My guess is these are two people without much in common who have a lot of resentment built up over other various things--not just housework. Fixing the housework issue is like putting a bandaid over a gushing wound. I mean, he's calling her names like a bum and entitled and it doesn't seem like they enjoy each other's company much (especially if she's watching trashy tv at 6 am and coming home late...). Throw in the earnings disparity and you have all kinds of other problems brewing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try not doing anything and see what happens.

except I can't stand a dirty house. Not OP. I would just stop cooking and the laundry for her specifically. But, yea, hire a cleaner. It's one thing if you can't afford it, though, but sounds like you can? You'll probably still end up doing more of the tidying up and dishes, though. Now you know how most women feel, especially those with kids.

Yeah. I am the messy one in the relationship. If spending a little more money gives the relationship some peace, it is worth it. Or adopt a 16 year old and in exchange for cooking and cleaning, they get education and citizenship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be the lone female dissenter here and say she should clean up after you cook. My DH does this, even when I was a sahm. Do you have a dishwasher? Why can't she just load everything in there and turn it on? If you don't have one, get a small portable one and just dump everything in there.

I’m female and I agree!!!! I work 45 hours. DH cooks but I do dishes, laundry, picking up toddler and 5 year old stuff and putting them back. They carry stuff around, move stuff, play messily. I also schedule all kids activities play dates doctors appointments fill out all the forms for daycare or activities buy all the kid clothes and toys and helmets and hats and eczema lotions and swim goggles, snow boots, all the random stuff kids need. And still, I’m grateful my DH cooks after working 50-55 hours a week.

OP, what year is she? Senior associate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP AGain:
I do clean as I go with my elaborate meals. Trust me. Its after the meal, when a few plates and a pot need cleaning. I mean its like 10 mins job. She simply can't muster doing it. and then she actually makes herself breakfast in the morning (only for herself) and then doesn't clean that up either. USually scrambling eggs or whatever.
I am not unreasonable, just don't know how to approach it anymore without being placated.

Since you don’t have kids, divorce. Not being able to resolve this simple household chore division issue is a red flag. What else are you guys going to have unresolved conflicts about? I would say try to work it out if you had kids but since you don’t, why not? This one issue is symptomatic of a much larger and serious issue.

[Anonymous]

I make about half what DH does and I work slightly shorter hours. I do way more around the house—pretty much all cooking and cleaning. What really helped was handing off certain (major) chores entirely to DH. He does all the laundry. He makes the kids’ lunches and handles the mornings while I head off to work. I try to remember to appreciate (out loud) all he does and he does the same for me. We are a team and it works for us. And it’s much pleasanter than carrying around my resentment all the time.

[Anonymous]

There are so many trolls trolling recently here. It's like troll country.

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, do you hunt and then make venison meals all the time and sprinkle dried up venison on everything?

[Anonymous]

Go ahead, hire the cleaners then stick around while they clean.

Or at least install video cameras.

Outsourcing housekeeping may be the only option available to salvage your marriage.