My wife wants to present to the world that everything is perfect

[Anonymous]

^^^ listen to this poster, OP!

[Anonymous]

How does 504 plan helps with the calculus AB? If she needs lots for work at home for pre-calc, she will need that time and more for calc. It's not about assignements or projects (which can be accommodated). More time on tests or notes wouldn't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does 504 plan helps with the calculus AB? If she needs lots for work at home for pre-calc, she will need that time and more for calc. It's not about assignements or projects (which can be accommodated). More time on tests or notes wouldn't help.

the assumption is by next year, she will be out of the crisis and will have the time to study. The issue with the current situation is that on tues - thurs, she is not getting home until 8 PM. And she is usually too emotional then to focus. She grasps the material/understands the concepts, but the lack of practice is leading to simple arithmetic errors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does 504 plan helps with the calculus AB? If she needs lots for work at home for pre-calc, she will need that time and more for calc. It's not about assignements or projects (which can be accommodated). More time on tests or notes wouldn't help.

the assumption is by next year, she will be out of the crisis and will have the time to study. The issue with the current situation is that on tues - thurs, she is not getting home until 8 PM. And she is usually too emotional then to focus. She grasps the material/understands the concepts, but the lack of practice is leading to simple arithmetic errors.

Is school pressure one of the causes for the crisis? Calc is infinitely harder than pre-calc if you have to study a lot for pre-calc. If your daughter truly requires intense therapy and your family group therapy, do you honestly believe that in 6 months she will be able to handle the pressure of honor classes and tests and whatever else that causes her problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does 504 plan helps with the calculus AB? If she needs lots for work at home for pre-calc, she will need that time and more for calc. It's not about assignements or projects (which can be accommodated). More time on tests or notes wouldn't help.

the assumption is by next year, she will be out of the crisis and will have the time to study. The issue with the current situation is that on tues - thurs, she is not getting home until 8 PM. And she is usually too emotional then to focus. She grasps the material/understands the concepts, but the lack of practice is leading to simple arithmetic errors.

Is school pressure one of the causes for the crisis? Calc is infinitely harder than pre-calc if you have to study a lot for pre-calc. If your daughter truly requires intense therapy and your family group therapy, do you honestly believe that in 6 months she will be able to handle the pressure of honor classes and tests and whatever else that causes her problems.

We are not really sure the source of the problems. There is social anxiety. School work only contributes in that sometimes she gets anxious before a test. But, when I talk to DD, she does not feel like the school work is a problem. The problem is, while she is getting treated, she can not spend the requisite amount of time on school. I also talked to her, and found out that she talked to her math teacher, and he said that she could have the same issues next year, and can not recommend her for anything more. She gives me an example on a recent test, though...the kid sitting next to her was shaking is hit, which was distracting her (we are getting an evaluation to see if the anxiety/depressing is related to other things, as she is very sensitive to noise/ can not work at home unless it is 100% quiet). With the distraction, she did not bother to 1) check her work, or 2) do the extra credit, as she just wanted to get out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does 504 plan helps with the calculus AB? If she needs lots for work at home for pre-calc, she will need that time and more for calc. It's not about assignements or projects (which can be accommodated). More time on tests or notes wouldn't help.

the assumption is by next year, she will be out of the crisis and will have the time to study. The issue with the current situation is that on tues - thurs, she is not getting home until 8 PM. And she is usually too emotional then to focus. She grasps the material/understands the concepts, but the lack of practice is leading to simple arithmetic errors.

Is school pressure one of the causes for the crisis? Calc is infinitely harder than pre-calc if you have to study a lot for pre-calc. If your daughter truly requires intense therapy and your family group therapy, do you honestly believe that in 6 months she will be able to handle the pressure of honor classes and tests and whatever else that causes her problems.

We are not really sure the source of the problems. There is social anxiety. School work only contributes in that sometimes she gets anxious before a test. But, when I talk to DD, she does not feel like the school work is a problem. The problem is, while she is getting treated, she can not spend the requisite amount of time on school. I also talked to her, and found out that she talked to her math teacher, and he said that she could have the same issues next year, and can not recommend her for anything more. She gives me an example on a recent test, though...the kid sitting next to her was shaking is hit, which was distracting her (we are getting an evaluation to see if the anxiety/depressing is related to other things, as she is very sensitive to noise/ can not work at home unless it is 100% quiet). With the distraction, she did not bother to 1) check her work, or 2) do the extra credit, as she just wanted to get out of there.

As PP suggested, you can mitigate the noise, hopefully, with the special accommodation. I would suggest exploring nearby community colleges for Calculus 1 or summer online Calculus courses to eliminate the pressure. Good luck, I hope she gets better. My friend's kid is going to a community college because of the anxiety issues, he is a smart kid with good grades, but the social aspect of a regular college wouldn't work. Focusing on getting better is the first priority. He started the year with a collection of AP and honor classes in the 11th grade, but it was quickly reworked into more manageable schedule as the stress started to pile up and the cutting resumed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does 504 plan helps with the calculus AB? If she needs lots for work at home for pre-calc, she will need that time and more for calc. It's not about assignements or projects (which can be accommodated). More time on tests or notes wouldn't help.

the assumption is by next year, she will be out of the crisis and will have the time to study. The issue with the current situation is that on tues - thurs, she is not getting home until 8 PM. And she is usually too emotional then to focus. She grasps the material/understands the concepts, but the lack of practice is leading to simple arithmetic errors.

Is school pressure one of the causes for the crisis? Calc is infinitely harder than pre-calc if you have to study a lot for pre-calc. If your daughter truly requires intense therapy and your family group therapy, do you honestly believe that in 6 months she will be able to handle the pressure of honor classes and tests and whatever else that causes her problems.

We are not really sure the source of the problems. There is social anxiety. School work only contributes in that sometimes she gets anxious before a test. But, when I talk to DD, she does not feel like the school work is a problem. The problem is, while she is getting treated, she can not spend the requisite amount of time on school. I also talked to her, and found out that she talked to her math teacher, and he said that she could have the same issues next year, and can not recommend her for anything more. She gives me an example on a recent test, though...the kid sitting next to her was shaking is hit, which was distracting her (we are getting an evaluation to see if the anxiety/depressing is related to other things, as she is very sensitive to noise/ can not work at home unless it is 100% quiet). With the distraction, she did not bother to 1) check her work, or 2) do the extra credit, as she just wanted to get out of there.

It is absolutely unacceptable for your dD's teacher to say what he did, especially when she has no formal accommodations. What he is essentially saying is, sorry that you have an illness/disability, because of your illness, I will mo longer give you academic opportunity.". That is the essence of disability discrimination. It happened to my DD too, and it made her illness a thousand times worse. This kind of discrimination happens very often in school and I see other PP's engaging in this in this thread - prejudging what she will and won't be able to do, saying, "do you honestly believe she can be in honors?..."

Your Dd has told you flat out that school is not the problem. What she means is that the homework and tests are not hard, but other things get in the way.

Here is what your DD needs. 1) Extended time and rescheduling of deadlines on all homework and assignments in all classes. She needs this so she doesn't have to do any work on T-TH when she has therapy. 2) she needs copy of class notes (all classes). Since she is so focused therapy during the week, she needs to have class notes to review. 3) Copy of answer keys to class notes and homework. She needs to be able to have more time than just in class to review solutions. 4) Extra time on trsts 5) Reduced distraction environment for testing ( so she is not annoyed as you described). 6). She may also need "redirect attention on tests" or something similar where the teacher will actually check that all Qs are answered and encourage her to try. She may also need "reduced homework" - My DD had this in Algebra 1 when she was in and out for many months due to illness. The teacher cut homework from 20 problems to 10 key problems. The teacher said if you get As and Bs on all the quizzes in a unit, I will not then also make you take a unit test on the same material. Unfortunately, your DD's math teacher has already shown his inclination to discriminate. You must docent this to stop it immediately.

All of the things I have mentioned are common accomodations and it is shocking your school/teachers haven't offered them.

Your dD sounds smart. Ask HER what she wants to do. Show her this post and ask her if she thinks any of these accommodations would help. would she like them and then be able to catch up on math on saturdays? Having some control and decision-making power in your life is very important for depressed kids. Make it clear that you are willing to fight for her - whether she wants to stay in the class OR wants to drop it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

Honestly you don’t sound reasonable. You just dismiss out of hand that academic pressure may be overwhelming because she told you it wasn’t. You are clearly deeply, intensely committed to her academic success and achievement. I doubt your dd is able to just tell you what’s bothering her here.

What if you told her that the most important thing was her health and well-being, that she would do the best she could this year and that taking AB Calc next year was not crucial to her happiness or future success? Because it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

Honestly you don’t sound reasonable. You just dismiss out of hand that academic pressure may be overwhelming because she told you it wasn’t. You are clearly deeply, intensely committed to her academic success and achievement. I doubt your dd is able to just tell you what’s bothering her here.

What if you told her that the most important thing was her health and well-being, that she would do the best she could this year and that taking AB Calc next year was not crucial to her happiness or future success? Because it’s not.

She as told me, she told her therapists, she told my wife. I am confident that it is not school pressure. She likes learning and school. The other problem is as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus. The problem she is having in math is because she loses focus during the tests -- not because she can not keep up with the workload. She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her she could not concentrate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

Honestly you don’t sound reasonable. You just dismiss out of hand that academic pressure may be overwhelming because she told you it wasn’t. You are clearly deeply, intensely committed to her academic success and achievement. I doubt your dd is able to just tell you what’s bothering her here.

What if you told her that the most important thing was her health and well-being, that she would do the best she could this year and that taking AB Calc next year was not crucial to her happiness or future success? Because it’s not.

She as told me, she told her therapists, she told my wife. I am confident that it is not school pressure. She likes learning and school. The other problem is as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus. The problem she is having in math is because she loses focus during the tests -- not because she can not keep up with the workload. She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her she could not concentrate.

.
OP, i beg you, repost this in the Special Needs forum. There are tons of parents there who can offer you their experience and you will mot be side tracked by people who want to make this problem into something about you (as you were doing to your wife .. ironic?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

Honestly you don’t sound reasonable. You just dismiss out of hand that academic pressure may be overwhelming because she told you it wasn’t. You are clearly deeply, intensely committed to her academic success and achievement. I doubt your dd is able to just tell you what’s bothering her here.

What if you told her that the most important thing was her health and well-being, that she would do the best she could this year and that taking AB Calc next year was not crucial to her happiness or future success? Because it’s not.

She as told me, she told her therapists, she told my wife. I am confident that it is not school pressure. She likes learning and school. The other problem is as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus. The problem she is having in math is because she loses focus during the tests -- not because she can not keep up with the workload. She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her she could not concentrate.

.
OP, i beg you, repost this in the Special Needs forum. There are tons of parents there who can offer you their experience and you will mot be side tracked by people who want to make this problem into something about you (as you were doing to your wife .. ironic?)

If OP can write the sentence "as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus" with a straight face he needs to at least have qualified outsiders consider whether he is part of the problem.

I'm not saying she's not smart or that she hates learning, OP, I'm saying she has other issues that are interfering with her academics. FFS let them interfere! Get her out of there! Put your kid over her math track for a change. "She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her" jesus h christ. Did she specifically say it when being questioned by you, her unbelievably judgmental dad whose self worth is tied up in her academic success and intelligence who will turn on his wife, her teachers, etc if they interfere with his plans? Okay then I guess what your daughter needs is for you to resolve to "request/demand" things so she's not threatened by a NON VIABLE MATH OPTION omfg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people do not like to share their struggles, OP. It's actually very common. I couldn't be like that OP, and people are usually nothing but sympathetic when you tell them about something going on with your child. When you open up, people open up in return and talk about their struggles and then you don't feel so alone.

They are sympathetic to your face. But they gossip about you. It's horrible, but I've seen it happen. And if it is at all related to mental health, it's worse.

It will be harder for op's daughter if people are gossiping about her at school. Op doesn't understand how it is for high school girls. Op's wife is right in not telling the school. As long as they are seeking treatment, the school doesn't need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. In a group of parents with other teens in the program, we are trying to learn / discover how parent/handle the teen to keep her safe. It is supposed to be confidential.

As for school, my thinking is we want to reduce the stress while not hurting the child long term.

Frankly, DD is a high achieving kid, does not drink or do drugs, wants to go to school, and wants to do well.

There are specific instances where a classroom situation is causing inordinate stress: one class where she seems to know the material (based on my looking at the situation), but she is underperforming, probably because of the lack of time for homework. What I want the teacher to do is look beyond the grades and look at her responses in class.

This is a tough problem: we do not have an IEP or 504 (yet), but we are asking for compassion.

I speak as a parent of a child with depression. I am actually quite saddened by reading this thread. This is page 4 and the first time anyone has mentioned a 504 plan. I am saddened because 504 plans can be tremendously helpful to kids with depression, anxiety and other physical or mental illnesses, yet this thread has gone on and on analyzing whether your DW is in denial about your DDs illnesses, when DW is actually expressing some legitimate concerns about privacy that a 504 plan can address. Very few parents know about these plans and how to access them, and schools do not tell, because it requires them to do something. You absolutely should not be writing individual emails to teachers explaining in great detail about your DD's health and begging for "compassion". Your DD has a medical illness that qualifies as a "disability" under Section 504 of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act. As such she is entitled to a formal, written 504 plan with all the accommodations necessary to help her manage her illness and health AND still take all the high level advanced classes she wants.

Your DD should have had a 504 plan immediately. If the school couldn't take time immediately for a formal 504 plan (because it's not easy to schedule a meeting for 5-6 school staff), your school has the discretion to immediately extend a "health plan."

Have you made a formal written request for a 504 plan to the school? If not, do it TODAY. A 504 plan requires a showing of 1) disability that 2) substantially limits a major life activity. There is no strict definition of "substantial limitation"; the determination must be made on an individual basis. The life activities can be things that happen in school or out of school -- learning, sleep, eating, concentrating, remembering, etc. The measure of "substantial limitation" is NOT grades and it is NOT whether or not the child is in advanced classes. So, your child can have depression which causes cutting, which can substantially limit their ability to concentrate in class because they are worrying about whether people will see their cut marks or substantially limit their ability to learn because they are spending so much time in a outpatient program to address the illness, and even though they are still getting As and Bs in advanced classes, they will still qualify for a 504 plan.

Write a letter that requests the 504 plan and names the diagnosis your DD has and what major life activities are affected. Depression often affects sleep, memory, and ability to concentrate. Those, in turn, affect learning. All these are "major life activities". Attach a letter of support from the doctor that diagnosed your DD. The doctor's letter has to have the same elements -- diagnosis, some information about what major life activities are affected and a recommendation for a 504 plan.

Once you write the letter the school should schedule the meeting ASAP and at that time you should request informal accommodations. It is NOT ok for the school to say , "sorry we can't meet for a month and we can't do anything until then." Your DD is ill now and the stress of not having any accommodations is making her illness WORSE. Everything has to go in writing to the school, otherwise it didn't happen. So, if the school says they can't meet for a few weeks, respond in writing that you can agree to the later meeting date if the school agrees to put XXX informal accommodations in place between now and the formal meeting date.

At the 504 meeting, the team (which includes you and anyone you want to invite -- doctor, therapist, other family members and your DD if you feel she wants to be there), the team will assess whether your DD meets the criteria for a 504 plan (which I wrote above). Sometimes the 504 team itself doesn't understand the law and puts extra criteria that are not appropriate -- grades and level of class taken. In other words, we have heard 504 teams say, "sorry, we can't give you a 504 plan because you have As and Bs and are taking advanced classes." Grades are NOT the criteria; you do not have to have failing grades to get a 504 plan. Also, teams who say this will often suggest, "Maybe what is causing you stress is all those AP classes you are taking. You should drop those to relieve your stress." Again, this is NOT legally appropriate. High achieving students do NOT have to give up their access to accelerated classes in order to access a 504 plan nor is dropping classes appropriate as a form of "self-accommodation". Your DD is probably extra-stressed because on top of having a real illness to deal with, she is worried about having to drop classes or get bad grades and thus sees the future she saw for herself disappearing. Also, for some bright kids, advanced classes are all that keeps them from being bored out of their skulls; drop the classes and depression becomes worse not better. Your child should be accommodated instead of having to self-accommodate. If the 504 team refuses to provide a plan, please write a letter of complaint to your county-wide 504 supervisor. Your DD clearly meets the criteria.

Your 504 plan should include things like: copy of class notes, extra time on tests, ability to reschedule assessment and assignment deadlines, reduced homework (meaning DD doesn't have to do all homework), flash pass to the nurse when not feeling well, and, frankly, anything else that you think you need. Do not let the team tell you "we don't do that". They do. In fact, even if you're asking for something they've never done before, if your suggested accommodation meets a need of your daughter's then your team MUST consider it or offer a substitute that meets the need. Each child must be assessed individually and the team cannot impose a template (this is what we do for depressed kids).

Once you have the 504 plan, your DD's counselor shares that plan with all her teachers. The teachers receive a 1 or 2 page piece of paper that includes a diagnosis (so they will see "depression") and a list of all the accommodations. That is all a teacher needs to know. A teacher doesn't need to know all the details about the illness that you have been sharing. Your DW is right about that, and you should be more respectful of her perspective. Perhaps you can see that she is an under-sharer and you are an over-sharer and the right way is somewhere in between? Teachers MUST follow the accommodations. All your DD has to do is go to the teacher and say, "I am using my accommodations to reschedule this assignment deadline. I think I can get it to you by XXX date." Or DD can email (we like this approach, because it's a bit more private, DD can self-advocate, a parent can quickly review the email to make sure it has polite tone and then parent knows what has been rescheduled and there is also a paper trail if the teacher refuses or forgets). I say teachers MUST follow the accommodations, but IME every year there is a teacher who refuses. This requires parental follow up via a polite email, describing the refusal and the legal obligation of the teacher to comply. First non-compliance gets a polite reminder. Second non-compliance forwards earlier email to supervisor detailing failure to comply and new non-compliance. Third non-compliance forwards all earlier emails outside the school to the Section 504 coordinator for the school system.

Your DD needs a 504 plan in school, because it also applies to SAT, ACT, AP and other important tests she will have to take. Your begging for "compassion" from teachers does nothing to address these situations. Once you have the 504 plan, it is a simple matter for the counselor to submit the plan to the institutions that run these tests and ask for accommodations there too. Plus, if your DD goes to college, she may well need accommodations there. Having had a history of a 504 plan will make getting accommodations at college easier.

There is a wide range of what kids with depression need. My DD is an extremely bright student taking tons of AP classes even though her depression means that she misses up to 50% of some classes when she is not well. One thing that has really improved her health is having a 504 plan. It means that she does not have to worry about school and how she will manage that, because there is a plan. Most teachers are cooperative. DD's privacy is preserved and she can feel like a "normal" child because she is still a "normal" child even though she struggles with depression. She still has her aspirations for the future because she is still able to take the classes she wants in school. Depression has become a medical illness that she manages like other kids do for diabetes or concussion or whatever. Some teachers are not cooperative and have challenged DD saying she is lazy or using her plan to procrastinate or whatever, but because she has a plan, DD can stick up for herself. DD is learning that some in society still have antiquated ideas about MI, but this helps her learn that they are wrong.

If your DD becomes so ill that she really can't be in school, home and hospital teaching is available. But, IME, it is better to try to keep kids in school where possible because while school can be a stressor, it also provides a network of support that is protective (something to do and some friends that are helpful). Home and hospital really cuts a student off and isolates them and that can be very negative. If you get to that point, please post in the Special Needs forum for some pointers about HHT.

Finally, some other resources for you and your wife -- please take a NAMI Family to Family class together. It will teach you both about mental illness and give you an opportunity to talk about many, many issues you will confront about your child. You have a health issue that you have to manage. Don't make this a relationship issue between you and your wife where one of you is right and one of you is wrong. The problems you face are extraordinarily complex and there will often NOT be a clear "right" way to handle things.

OP please consider every detail that this PP ^ outlines. I do not think DW is irrational regarding how much info is shared. I believe that she is right about carefully protecting DD’s privacy. Not projecting at all here, but depending on the relationship DW has with your family and hers, she is doing the right thing. It’s too soon to OVERSHARE with anyone! Family/friends will knee jerk react, offer suggestions without expertise and disseminating all the info is a time suck. Also, people tend to burn out quickly (react, respond, check in for a bit and grow tired). To get DD what she needs ASAP at school, a formal legal plan (504 or IEP) is a must! A trusted school counselor should be the liaison to the team for the remainder of HS years. This team will include you, DW, DD, teachers, DD’s trusted therapist, a parent advocate, school psychologist/counselor and eve another family member or friend of DD’s choosing. All of you determine who is part of the team. Too many hands in the pot without a formal 504/IEP will fail. Much will get lost in translation year to year. School counselor will be your one point of contact whose legal responsibility is to communicate to the team. Think of how much time you’ll save! With this formal document, DD will get what she needs, including tutoring at home (if recovery is longer and more intense). DD is clearly a smart young women and must be a part of the entire process, i.e. who’s on team, type of support she believes is beneficial AND most importantly her privacy. If she chooses to trust certain friends, family or teachers, that is her decision. She will get through it (my niece did with exactly the same profile as your DD). However, the one difference you mentioned distraction and her need for quiet in order to focus. This indicates an overlapping issue (sensory integration and/or processing disorder). Part of her evaluation and therapy should address this. Please consider respectig DW’s position. Unless DW is burying her head in the sand, which doesn’t seem to be the case, try taking the emotional need to overshare out of the plan for now. Approach this with a business head and use the emotional gush to lavish on DD for now by keeping life at home as comfortable as possible. In those rare free moments, offer pleasant distractions that can include her closest friends. Best of luck and may DD look back with comfort and pride in the support she received, as she enjoys her successful future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

Honestly you don’t sound reasonable. You just dismiss out of hand that academic pressure may be overwhelming because she told you it wasn’t. You are clearly deeply, intensely committed to her academic success and achievement. I doubt your dd is able to just tell you what’s bothering her here.

What if you told her that the most important thing was her health and well-being, that she would do the best she could this year and that taking AB Calc next year was not crucial to her happiness or future success? Because it’s not.

She as told me, she told her therapists, she told my wife. I am confident that it is not school pressure. She likes learning and school. The other problem is as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus. The problem she is having in math is because she loses focus during the tests -- not because she can not keep up with the workload. She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her she could not concentrate.

.
OP, i beg you, repost this in the Special Needs forum. There are tons of parents there who can offer you their experience and you will mot be side tracked by people who want to make this problem into something about you (as you were doing to your wife .. ironic?)

If OP can write the sentence "as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus" with a straight face he needs to at least have qualified outsiders consider whether he is part of the problem.

I'm not saying she's not smart or that she hates learning, OP, I'm saying she has other issues that are interfering with her academics. FFS let them interfere! Get her out of there! Put your kid over her math track for a change. "She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her" jesus h christ. Did she specifically say it when being questioned by you, her unbelievably judgmental dad whose self worth is tied up in her academic success and intelligence who will turn on his wife, her teachers, etc if they interfere with his plans? Okay then I guess what your daughter needs is for you to resolve to "request/demand" things so she's not threatened by a NON VIABLE MATH OPTION omfg.

Umm. Mom to depressed AP student here. My student took pre-calc in 10th grade. There is nothing slower than AB Calc as the next step. You must take 4 years of math to graduate, so you can't just skip a year of math if you are at advanced level. FWIW, my kid thought AB Calc was easier than pre-calc, but YMMV. A student could go back and take a remedial math class, I suppose but for many bright depressed kids, boring classes actually contribute to depression instead of relieving depression.

FWIW, I really don't think it's appropriate to judge a class as a non-viable math option without at least exploring supports/accommodations. If a student is offered accompdation and prefers to drop a class, that's fine. If a student tries accommodations and it still doesn't help and wants to drop, that's fine too. But what's not OK, is to tell people with illness, I won't accommodate your illness and/or I don't believe you could be capable of this.

There is a long history of stigma with mental illness. For many years, society insisted that mental illness was created by bad families, bad upbringings, cold, high pressure mothers, etc. Guess what? None of that is correct. Society also thought people who were depressed were just weak and unable to withstand any pressure. None of that is correct either. And yet many people, like you, continue to perpetuate these myths/stigmas by blaming mental illness on family members and telling those with depression what they are or are not capable of. Please stop.