My wife wants to present to the world that everything is perfect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has gone off the relationship topic, but has great information for me. Thanks.

It seems like requesting/demanding (if the request is not granted) accommodations could help.

I see two areas:

1) While she is in intensive therapy, ensure there is at least one non-therapy day to complete the assignment. Practically, that would mean if the teacher assigns something on monday, she would have until at least Sat. to get it in.

2) Reduce the audio-distractions from other classmates during exams. The audio distractions render her unable to concentrate, and become the focus of her energy. Practically, this would probably mean either allowing her to take the test in an isolated setting or use noise attenuating headgear.

Does this sound reasonable?

Honestly, she can have as long as she needs to get it in. While my DD was dealing with a medical illness and was in and out of school, she was 3 months behind at times. All you need to ask for is extended deadlines. Let your DD manage what she will do when. She knows best what she can concentrate on in certain frames of mind.

Reduced distractions accommodation is commonly given by sending student to take test in a quieter room with fewer people. Again, you only need to ask for "reduced distractions accommodation" for assessments. It's up to the school to figure out how to provide it. You do not have to tell them with such specificity how to do it. I guarantee you there are dozens of kids who already get this accommodation at school. If they provide it in a way that doesn't work, your DD can speak up about it. (Dear Ms X, I appreciate your giving me reduced distractions for my test. It turns out the hallway is pretty noisy with everyone going by. Maybe I can take it in the library or counseling office next time.?)

Seriously, what you ask for is reasonable, but DD could probably use some of the other accommodations suggested (class notes, extra time, etc.). Ask her. Post in Special Needs. You will get better support.

[Anonymous]

How is your daughter doing? How is your wife handling the situation? In your OP you sounded pretty frustrated with how she was dealing with the situation. I pray things are better at home for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If OP can write the sentence "as a rising junior, there are no viable math options slower than AB calculus" with a straight face he needs to at least have qualified outsiders consider whether he is part of the problem.

I'm not saying she's not smart or that she hates learning, OP, I'm saying she has other issues that are interfering with her academics. FFS let them interfere! Get her out of there! Put your kid over her math track for a change. "She specifically said the noise another kid was making so annoyed her" jesus h christ. Did she specifically say it when being questioned by you, her unbelievably judgmental dad whose self worth is tied up in her academic success and intelligence who will turn on his wife, her teachers, etc if they interfere with his plans? Okay then I guess what your daughter needs is for you to resolve to "request/demand" things so she's not threatened by a NON VIABLE MATH OPTION omfg.

I don't know OP or his kid, but this isn't always universally true. I was at an intense private school in HS, and I had an ED and depression. I loved school and especially math and science (I now have a PhD in physics). A lot of my issues were caused by what was happening at home, and it truly would have made things worse to take away one of the things I loved and brought me joy to excel at. I'm not saying this is the case with OP's DD, I'm just saying it isn't all B&W...and hopefully he is getting guidance from her professional care-providers about this.

I will say, anecdotally, that OP's DW seems like a piece of work. Similar to my mother, but way worse in that eventually my mom had to accept that we couldn't just put up a perfect front. I would honestly say that the DW needs some 1:1 therapy, because she is actively sabotaging the DD's recovery.