An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Your kid spitting at someone isn't okay it's just not.
- mom of kid with autism

SHE IS NOT SAYING IT'S OK. She's asking for a little understanding. Unfortunately I agree with PPs that the best thing she can do is just not GAF about other parents' reactions, because there is much less empathy in the world than one would hope.

That's not what OP said.

Are you OP sock-puppeting?

No, it's not op sock puppeting. This is op. If I tell my child off or redirect him as we have established with professionals help I don't need your reaction or telling him off also nor do I need a scolding. I wouldn't dream of doing this to another child -- and I have an older child who is typical so I do understand that world also.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't understand why you would not apologize to another adult if your child spat at them. You don't owe them any explanation of his medical history, a simple "sorry" would do the trick. Then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Your kid spitting at someone isn't okay it's just not.
- mom of kid with autism

SHE IS NOT SAYING IT'S OK. She's asking for a little understanding. Unfortunately I agree with PPs that the best thing she can do is just not GAF about other parents' reactions, because there is much less empathy in the world than one would hope.

That's not what OP said.

Are you OP sock-puppeting?

No, it's not op sock puppeting. This is op. If I tell my child off or redirect him as we have established with professionals help I don't need your reaction or telling him off also nor do I need a scolding. I wouldn't dream of doing this to another child -- and I have an older child who is typical so I do understand that world also.

STOP IT WITH THE "YOU". Don't you understand that you are calling out people you don't know who have likely never interacted with your son?! ou're lashing out at the wrong people, crazy lady.
This is a big part of why you're coming across as obnoxious. So what if some parents didn't react well to your son's peculiarities? There are many more courteous people than there are nasty ones. Deal with the nasty by apologizing, or not, but certainly don't engage.

And please get some meds or therapy for yourself. You are not in your right mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If she corrected her son for spitting, why would the other parent then proceed to tell her that the kid spat at them? If she didn't correct him yet, the only response to the other parent is, "yes, I know, sorry," and then proceed to correct the kid. What other interaction with the other parent would anyone have at that point?

It's because the other parents don't think she's corrected him harshly enough, basically. They want to see the kid punished for reasons that have nothing to do with actually helping the kid learn better behavior. Ask me how I know ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[quote=]

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.
.

If you were a child spits at a young child or baby; I WILL say any quiet but stern voice "do not do that." And I will do that even if you were standing right there, and I would expect you to back me up on teaching your child that that is not acceptable behavior. It takes a village, OP,

But if the mom intervenes and acts appropriately to address the situation, you would still say something??
If there is a parent who has intervened appropriately, I won't get involved at all. Life is short- I'll just pick up my child and move away to another part of the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't understand why you would not apologize to another adult if your child spat at them. You don't owe them any explanation of his medical history, a simple "sorry" would do the trick. Then move on.

Dude obviously I do this. You're being deliberately obtuse.

I say sorry. I avoid crowded parks. I follow him. I help him facilitate social situations. We do thousands of hours of therapy. But the kid looks normal and is of normal intelligence and has normal speech. So people have zero tolerance of him doing odd things. I mentioned spitting. Others are pouring out water or making odd noises. Honestly things that don't affect people. I'm sorry if blowing rasbwperroes is offensive but we have enough fish to fry that I may not be making the huge deal do it you think I should be. I'm not asking for special accommodations. I'm asking for tolerance. Also if I tell you he has autism I'm not asking for an excuse. Unless he hurt your or did something really wrong, I don't need one. It's an explanation.

This entire thereaf just hits home how deep the refusal to be understanding truly is. You all deliberately misconstrued what I was saying to tell me about how you didn't have to. And special accommodations or how I was failing at parenting. Not it at all. People refuse to make reasonable choices on tolerance. If it was a kid with an obvious disability you'd all be falling. Over yourselves to demonstrate understanding. So ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[quote=]

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.
.

If you were a child spits at a young child or baby; I WILL say any quiet but stern voice "do not do that." And I will do that even if you were standing right there, and I would expect you to back me up on teaching your child that that is not acceptable behavior. It takes a village, OP,

But if the mom intervenes and acts appropriately to address the situation, you would still say something??
If there is a parent who has intervened appropriately, I won't get involved at all. Life is short- I'll just pick up my child and move away to another part of the playground.

The problem is that you don't have a SN kid, and therefor you don't know what "intervene appropriately" really means for all kids. It's not universal. Obviously a kid who is a physical threat to himself or others has to be stopped from causing damage. But beyond that there are a whole range of interventions, some of which like planned ignoring may look to you like the parent "isn't doing anything," but is actually an evidence-based method that might have been recommended by therapists.

[Anonymous]

I'm not interested in getting involved in how appropriate someone's correction of their kid is. If the parent said, "I'm sorry that happened" to me, I would move on. If the parent didn't say "sorry," to me, I would think they were rude or did not care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If she corrected her son for spitting, why would the other parent then proceed to tell her that the kid spat at them? If she didn't correct him yet, the only response to the other parent is, "yes, I know, sorry," and then proceed to correct the kid. What other interaction with the other parent would anyone have at that point?

It's because the other parents don't think she's corrected him harshly enough, basically. They want to see the kid punished for reasons that have nothing to do with actually helping the kid learn better behavior. Ask me how I know ...

Precisely. We also ignore certain things because he seeks negative attention. Paying attention to them particularly a lot of loud attention reinforces the behavior. So if I just move him away I'm not being lazy as much as you love to think that all bad behavior stems from not parenting just as you would.

And this is why this is so hard. But yes go ahead and refuse to learn. You do realize this is how we once treated all kids of people who were different than us and then used as an excuse the old but they've got to get along in the world adage. This is why this is the last frontier mental health and will always be. The resistance to learning.

[Anonymous]

Nope.
- Guardian of very severely special needs brother

[Anonymous]

Autism or not, child spits, child goes home. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, parent with a child with HFA here. Please don't let your child's diagnosis become an excuse for bad behavior. That is doing no favors to your child.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm the opposite of it. But If my kid spit at someone we would immediately go home. We would work a lot on interactions involving not spitting. One on one play dates, etc. We would have a reminder every time we went to the playground that one spit means we are going home.

What do the professionals that you are working with suggest that you do?

Doesn't seem like OP is working with any professionals her only tools are yell and ignore.

You are ridiculous. We do therapy 6 days a week. Behavioral therapy for years. You don't understand and that's fine. There's simply no point in trying.

Please print out this thread and show it to your child's therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, parent with a child with HFA here. Please don't let your child's diagnosis become an excuse for bad behavior. That is doing no favors to your child.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm the opposite of it. But If my kid spit at someone we would immediately go home. We would work a lot on interactions involving not spitting. One on one play dates, etc. We would have a reminder every time we went to the playground that one spit means we are going home.

What do the professionals that you are working with suggest that you do?

Doesn't seem like OP is working with any professionals her only tools are yell and ignore.

You are ridiculous. We do therapy 6 days a week. Behavioral therapy for years. You don't understand and that's fine. There's simply no point in trying.

Please print out this thread and show it to your child's therapist.

What on earth? We do exactly what the previous poster outlined. Sometimes it works sometimes it does not. Rinse and repeat. My therapist would say you simply have to ignore other parents who fail to even attempt to be understanding which is obviously the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't understand why you would not apologize to another adult if your child spat at them. You don't owe them any explanation of his medical history, a simple "sorry" would do the trick. Then move on.

Dude obviously I do this. You're being deliberately obtuse.

I say sorry. I avoid crowded parks. I follow him. I help him facilitate social situations. We do thousands of hours of therapy. But the kid looks normal and is of normal intelligence and has normal speech. So people have zero tolerance of him doing odd things. I mentioned spitting. Others are pouring out water or making odd noises. Honestly things that don't affect people. I'm sorry if blowing rasbwperroes is offensive but we have enough fish to fry that I may not be making the huge deal do it you think I should be. I'm not asking for special accommodations. I'm asking for tolerance. Also if I tell you he has autism I'm not asking for an excuse. Unless he hurt your or did something really wrong, I don't need one. It's an explanation.

This entire thereaf just hits home how deep the refusal to be understanding truly is. You all deliberately misconstrued what I was saying to tell me about how you didn't have to. And special accommodations or how I was failing at parenting. Not it at all. People refuse to make reasonable choices on tolerance. If it was a kid with an obvious disability you'd all be falling. Over yourselves to demonstrate understanding. So ridiculous.

No op, you are the one deliberately misinterpreting people and being close minded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, parent with a child with HFA here. Please don't let your child's diagnosis become an excuse for bad behavior. That is doing no favors to your child.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm the opposite of it. But If my kid spit at someone we would immediately go home. We would work a lot on interactions involving not spitting. One on one play dates, etc. We would have a reminder every time we went to the playground that one spit means we are going home.

What do the professionals that you are working with suggest that you do?

Doesn't seem like OP is working with any professionals her only tools are yell and ignore.

You are ridiculous. We do therapy 6 days a week. Behavioral therapy for years. You don't understand and that's fine. There's simply no point in trying.

Yes, I do understand. We had to pull our kid from activities and stop going out to some places for a few years till it got better due to his SN. What you are going through is more common than you realize. You and your child are not the only ones who spend 5-6 days a week in therapy and have a very difficult life. There is no excuse if a child is hitting, spitting or misbehaving. At 5, you immediately take them home and if necessary you stop going to those places till he is able to handle them better. If he spits every time he goes tot he playground, you stop going until he can behave. Get a swingset. No kid will socialize with him with that behavior. I would pull my kid and leave to go to another playground if I saw your child being aggressive and acting that way. They aren't behaviors I want my child to see as he would copy and they are hard to break.

If your child is behaving that way, its not HFA. Its far more moderate.