An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

OP, parent of a child on the spectrum here. Have you tried to focus on what you can control vs what you can't? There are always going to be big logistical blocks in life that ou can't control (whether they are kids at the playground who are too young, etc). But I have discovered that it's a lot easier to parent a special needs child when I control what I can. We don't go to a lot of places other people take their kids, because it's just too hard. Costco, for instance. Kids concerts is another. Big playgroups don't work for us either, nor do things like soccer. Instead, we are working on our skills in more controlled environments. Then moving up to other activities when we master one.

It sucks that we can't do the same stuff other kids can. But we are working on it and hope that as the months/years go along, we will be able to do more and more as my child's skillset grows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Your kid spitting at someone isn't okay it's just not.
- mom of kid with autism

SHE IS NOT SAYING IT'S OK. She's asking for a little understanding. Unfortunately I agree with PPs that the best thing she can do is just not GAF about other parents' reactions, because there is much less empathy in the world than one would hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

I really suggest that you arrange for some respite care. See if you can get a day for yourself. Go to the beach or just check into a hotel. Sleep. Get mani pedis. Binge on movies. Have a good cry.

+1000 on this. Parenting a child with SN is HARD and is two steps forward, one step back on the best of days, with no end in sight. You need a break, OP. Do what PP suggested and/or talk to your doctor. I wish you well.

This. A break will help so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Maybe you should focus on outings where you aren't dependent on other people and whether they do/don't create a logistical block? You can't control others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

See, that's not okay

Again, she KNOWS it's not OK. It's behavior she's working on him with, closely. She's asking for a little tolerance and understanding that her challenges may be bigger than yours (yes, even perhaps bigger than other parents with ASD kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Your kid spitting at someone isn't okay it's just not.
- mom of kid with autism

SHE IS NOT SAYING IT'S OK. She's asking for a little understanding. Unfortunately I agree with PPs that the best thing she can do is just not GAF about other parents' reactions, because there is much less empathy in the world than one would hope. [/quote
She did say it's ok. "It's not hurting anyone" is what she typed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

See, that's not okay

Again, she KNOWS it's not OK. It's behavior she's working on him with, closely. She's asking for a little tolerance and understanding that her challenges may be bigger than yours (yes, even perhaps bigger than other parents with ASD kids).

So being "understanding" is expecting no reaction from a parent and child who is being spat upon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Your kid spitting at someone isn't okay it's just not.
- mom of kid with autism

SHE IS NOT SAYING IT'S OK. She's asking for a little understanding. Unfortunately I agree with PPs that the best thing she can do is just not GAF about other parents' reactions, because there is much less empathy in the world than one would hope.

That's not what OP said.

Are you OP sock-puppeting?

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you that babies shouldn't be in areas meant for older/larger children.

But your child's threatening and aggressive behavior toward other kids (and that's what growling and spitting on other kids IS) is unacceptable. There is NO excuse.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. If she corrected her son for spitting, why would the other parent then proceed to tell her that the kid spat at them? If she didn't correct him yet, the only response to the other parent is, "yes, I know, sorry," and then proceed to correct the kid. What other interaction with the other parent would anyone have at that point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

See, that's not okay

Again, she KNOWS it's not OK. It's behavior she's working on him with, closely. She's asking for a little tolerance and understanding that her challenges may be bigger than yours (yes, even perhaps bigger than other parents with ASD kids).

So being "understanding" is expecting no reaction from a parent and child who is being spat upon?

+1. OP, you apparently expect people who don't know about your kid's challenges to magically be more "understanding" when he spits or growls at them? Come on. Spitting is one of the more aggressive acts out there, and people react instinctively to it. While I appreciate that your kid needs to learn these things, if spitting on other is a constant issue you may need to rethink the frequency of your kid's interactions. Or at a minimum, accept that people are going to be pissed about it (and recognize that they have a right to be) and express their anger.

[Anonymous]

OP, no one is going to cater to your kid and its 101 of parenting a SN child. You are in a public space and need to work with your child to develop tolerance. Try ABA, if your insurance covers it. Your child needs to live in the real world and function. It takes a lot of parenting and many of us have been there and done it. You are not helping your child the way you think you are. I have a SN child. I am very empathic to the situation and we are friends with families with very different SN kids BUT I will not tolerate a child hitting or bothering or annoying mine as mine will not speak up so I will. All year in the classroom we dealt with a child being very physically aggressive to mine and the excuse was autism. Sorry, it was poor teacher supervision.

[Anonymous]

[quote=]

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.
.

If you were a child spits at a young child or baby; I WILL say any quiet but stern voice "do not do that." And I will do that even if you were standing right there, and I would expect you to back me up on teaching your child that that is not acceptable behavior. It takes a village, OP,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. If she corrected her son for spitting, why would the other parent then proceed to tell her that the kid spat at them? If she didn't correct him yet, the only response to the other parent is, "yes, I know, sorry," and then proceed to correct the kid. What other interaction with the other parent would anyone have at that point?

Perhaps the other parent didn't hear the correction or it was so subtle that they didn't perceive it was a correction. My SIL places her hand on her sin's arm lightly to signal he should stop. She has stated to us her reasons for doing so are to prevent a bigger outburst, but strangers on the street don't lie that. They either miss her response or see it as an under reaction.

There's also the shock factor. As a student teacher, I was bitten by a student. I was so shocked that I probably said "He bit me." three or four times in the first couple minutes. I get spat upon either accidentally or impulsively a couple times a year by students. I have to document each of those incidents as a contact with bodily fluids. If it was intentional, I have to document in the child's behavior chart. It doesn't shock me anymore, but legally, my employer doesn't regard it as NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, parent with a child with HFA here. Please don't let your child's diagnosis become an excuse for bad behavior. That is doing no favors to your child.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm the opposite of it. But If my kid spit at someone we would immediately go home. We would work a lot on interactions involving not spitting. One on one play dates, etc. We would have a reminder every time we went to the playground that one spit means we are going home.

What do the professionals that you are working with suggest that you do?

Doesn't seem like OP is working with any professionals her only tools are yell and ignore.

You are ridiculous. We do therapy 6 days a week. Behavioral therapy for years. You don't understand and that's fine. There's simply no point in trying.