Therapist takes DH's side

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a new therapist we go to discuss issues we have been having. One of them is that I find his family hard to deal with. My MIL has never warmed up to me and she has the tendency to be a little out there. My DH, when I tell him about instances where she hurts my feelings, tells me I am not allowed to say bad things about his mom as that hurts his feelings. I feel frustrated because DH gets his feelings cared for, my MIL earns her respect and I get nothing. No one is caring for MY feelings.

When we went to our last appointment, my DH threw me under the bus and said I talk about his mom negatively and that hurts his feelings. Our therapist said that I am not allowed in any circumstances to talk negatively about his family as to him they will always be important and wonderful.

I was kind of confused...what am I supposed to do?

Therapist was right. Stop dissing his mom. You seriously think any man wants to hear that? It's certainly not going to achieve anything positive.

"I get nothing. No one is caring for MY feelings."

GROW UP.

Act like an adult, not like a 5 year old who had her fee-fees hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.

Wow..you sound like a fright with a license. I wonder how many marriages you broke up?

Oh for Christ's sake, grow up. That was a serious, calmly presented statement.

I'm well grown. In my 60s, and your presumptive remark makes you sound ineffective in your job. So, I repeat, how many marriages, under your watch, have broken up?

Uh, you're not replying to that therapist. You're replying to a husband frequently a target of a marriage counselor's scrutiny. Those sessions can be tough. If a person is whining on here that a marriage counselor was making her feel bad, it's a good assumption that she said something or has done something quite strange.

Or the therapist sucks.

Np here. In my experience, when one party is really unhappy with a therapist, it's usually because they're being told something they don't want to hear. Some self-reflection is usually in order.

I agree.
OP sounds extremely immature and lacking in self awareness.

Only child syndrome possibly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.

Wow..you sound like a fright with a license. I wonder how many marriages you broke up?

Oh for Christ's sake, grow up. That was a serious, calmly presented statement.

I'm well grown. In my 60s, and your presumptive remark makes you sound ineffective in your job. So, I repeat, how many marriages, under your watch, have broken up?

Uh, you're not replying to that therapist. You're replying to a husband frequently a target of a marriage counselor's scrutiny. Those sessions can be tough. If a person is whining on here that a marriage counselor was making her feel bad, it's a good assumption that she said something or has done something quite strange.

NP. Right, so you're extremely biased too. Thanks for playing. Next!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in here. When you say bad things about his family you are saying bad things about him. Yeah, that hurts. Don't do it. You don't have to like them. Or get along with them. Or even see them. But don't talk bad about them.

How would you feel if your DH said bad things about your mom, who you love. You would feel crappy. And you are putting him in the impossible position of having to choose you over his mom. His mom! He is half of her.

Makes me nervous that you think it is OK to talk her down.

This. My sister can be very annoying. Dh doesn't really like her. I get that, but he doesn't have to say it to me. I don't expect them to spend time together, but I don't want to hear from dh that he doesn't like her. He can vent to his brother or his friends about it, not me.

But if the IL is specifically attacking -- not just being annoying, but specifically targeting -- the spouse, the person whose relative it is needs to speak up about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should bring this up with the therapist to make sure you heard her right. Obviously, it's legitimate for your husband to feel hurt if he feels like you dislike his family (whether or not your dislike is justifiable.) Also it's not "throwing you under the bus" to tell your therapist how he feels about it! It's a perfectly acceptable thing to say in therapy, and in fact is what he should be talking about.

That said, obviously you should be allowed to talk about your feelings as well.

Also, from what you wrote 1. DH beat you to the punch by introducing the issue from his perspective, and 2. the therapist made a blanket statement without hearing your side. She should have asked you, "Do you have issues with your MIL?" or "How does it feel to hear your DH say this?" "What's your take on what DH just said?" or some such thing. Bad therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in here. When you say bad things about his family you are saying bad things about him. Yeah, that hurts. Don't do it. You don't have to like them. Or get along with them. Or even see them. But don't talk bad about them.

How would you feel if your DH said bad things about your mom, who you love. You would feel crappy. And you are putting him in the impossible position of having to choose you over his mom. His mom! He is half of her.

Makes me nervous that you think it is OK to talk her down.

This. My sister can be very annoying. Dh doesn't really like her. I get that, but he doesn't have to say it to me. I don't expect them to spend time together, but I don't want to hear from dh that he doesn't like her. He can vent to his brother or his friends about it, not me.

But if the IL is specifically attacking -- not just being annoying, but specifically targeting -- the spouse, the person whose relative it is needs to speak up about it.

Pp you're responding to. I don't actually see my mil anymore. It's a long story, but she has issues, and it eventually came to a head, and now I don't see her. Dh sees her independently of me. He can't change her behaviour any more than I can. I don't complain about her to him, I just have the boundary that I don't see her. Complaining to dh about her would have been pointless. He can't fix her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.

Licensed clinical psychologist here. No way a licensed person wrote this, unless perhaps they are unethical and/or incompetent. Sadly, some people who should not become licensed professionals slip through the cracks. Just FYI: licensed mental health professionals are not suppose to give professional advice to anyone with whom they have no professional relationship. They are especially not supposed to deliver snarky one liners where they diagnose someone as an insult. Hopefully just a troll, though.

[Anonymous]

95% of the time women are the ones with deep seated mental issues, not surprising

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went to couples counseling 3 yrs ago. Counselor told me any issues I had were my problem. I was holding onto the cheating, abuse, and sacrifices I made for DH. It allowed his abuse and cheating to continue for several more years before I left.

Again you're the issue, get self help or GTFO

[Anonymous]

My mother-in-law is a complete nightmare trailer trash disaster. However I do not talk bad about her to my husband. That is his mother so what would I expect to get out of trash talking her? I basically try to avoid her she lives local about half the time he goes to her house by himself with the kids. I usually stay home to wash my hair. It's simply not a hill I want to die on and my advice to you is you shouldn't die onthat hill either. You certainly won't strengthen your relationship I'll tell you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.

Licensed clinical psychologist here. No way a licensed person wrote this, unless perhaps they are unethical and/or incompetent. Sadly, some people who should not become licensed professionals slip through the cracks. Just FYI: licensed mental health professionals are not suppose to give professional advice to anyone with whom they have no professional relationship. They are especially not supposed to deliver snarky one liners where they diagnose someone as an insult. Hopefully just a troll, though.

I vote troll. The "thearapist" sounds likes she's the one with the personality disorder. Pretending to be a therapist on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.

It usually indicates that the offended party is a female, and you have disagreed with them. Females always interpret disagreement with them as "not being on their side".

"Being female" is not technically considered a "personality disorder" but it should be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in here. When you say bad things about his family you are saying bad things about him. Yeah, that hurts. Don't do it. You don't have to like them. Or get along with them. Or even see them. But don't talk bad about them.

How would you feel if your DH said bad things about your mom, who you love. You would feel crappy. And you are putting him in the impossible position of having to choose you over his mom. His mom! He is half of her.

Makes me nervous that you think it is OK to talk her down.

This. My sister can be very annoying. Dh doesn't really like her. I get that, but he doesn't have to say it to me. I don't expect them to spend time together, but I don't want to hear from dh that he doesn't like her. He can vent to his brother or his friends about it, not me.

But if the IL is specifically attacking -- not just being annoying, but specifically targeting -- the spouse, the person whose relative it is needs to speak up about it.

The op NEVER used the words attack/attacking, shee said the MIL never warmed up to her & has hurt her feelings.

I also vote now with the multitude of people who believe that this is the very same poster from this thread (which is probably why the op STILL hasn't returned after her initial post, even though we're 5 pages in).

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/641919.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapist here. When one of the partners in a couples counseling session think I am on their side (or against them) it usually indicates a personality disorder in the offended party. Maybe you should look at yourself, OP.

Wow..you sound like a fright with a license. I wonder how many marriages you broke up?

Oh for Christ's sake, grow up. That was a serious, calmly presented statement.

I'm well grown. In my 60s, and your presumptive remark makes you sound ineffective in your job. So, I repeat, how many marriages, under your watch, have broken up?

Uh, you're not replying to that therapist. You're replying to a husband frequently a target of a marriage counselor's scrutiny. Those sessions can be tough. If a person is whining on here that a marriage counselor was making her feel bad, it's a good assumption that she said something or has done something quite strange.

Or the therapist sucks.

Np here. In my experience, when one party is really unhappy with a therapist, it's usually because they're being told something they don't want to hear. Some self-reflection is usually in order.

In my experience you need to seriously shop around for a good therapist. If one party is unhappy the therapist is usually not that good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jumping in here. When you say bad things about his family you are saying bad things about him. Yeah, that hurts. Don't do it. You don't have to like them. Or get along with them. Or even see them. But don't talk bad about them.

How would you feel if your DH said bad things about your mom, who you love. You would feel crappy. And you are putting him in the impossible position of having to choose you over his mom. His mom! He is half of her.

Makes me nervous that you think it is OK to talk her down.

This. My sister can be very annoying. Dh doesn't really like her. I get that, but he doesn't have to say it to me. I don't expect them to spend time together, but I don't want to hear from dh that he doesn't like her. He can vent to his brother or his friends about it, not me.

But if the IL is specifically attacking -- not just being annoying, but specifically targeting -- the spouse, the person whose relative it is needs to speak up about it.

The op NEVER used the words attack/attacking, shee said the MIL never warmed up to her & has hurt her feelings.

I also vote now with the multitude of people who believe that this is the very same poster from this thread (which is probably why the op STILL hasn't returned after her initial post, even though we're 5 pages in).

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/641919.page

+1000

Self centered writing styles are almost identical.