To non-white parents with kids at mostly white schools
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Anonymous
DP. Wake up pp-- 1) I do not believe her school will be lacking in racial diversity, that's her worry in her head, (2) racial diversity is not needed to not feel isolated (3) everyone is different and accepts each other except for those minorities who self-segregate. It is uncool to see kids decide they have to eat lunch with the other AA kids because they feel disloyal if they don't. WTF? For kids willing to mix it up, not an issue. |
Anonymous
How old is your child? I think you are continuing to make assertions that don't match what people are saying. My child doesn't choose friends based on their skin color, and I wouldn't want her to. But she has the chance to make friends who she enjoys being with, and who also have some additional things in common due to being black. That didn't really matter to her when she was little. Now that she is in a period of tween/teen identity formation, it's something she thinks about more. I have a white friend with a biracial son. One day when he mentioned being sad about being the only brown kid in his class, she told him, "we are all different and wonderful in our own way." He replied, "no mom, I'm different. They are all the same." We all want our kids to be emotionally healthy and happy. We want to spare them from the bad experiences we had as kids. But none of us can predict the future or control how our children feel. They could repeat our experiences, but feel differently about them. They could have different experiences, but end up feeling the same pain. We all are just trying our best. |
Anonymous
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It all comes down to the parents and, in most instances the mother (like it or not) in shaping their child's identity and self-love of the diverse half of their culture. If a child is receiving subliminal mixed messages at home, downplaying the black/Asian/Latino half of their identity, and getting limited exposure outside of extended family to that ethnicity--they will always have issues both in relatively liberal "post-racial" environments like Bethesda, and ultimately out in the "real world." But if OP and her husband/partner are making a serious and substantive effort to ensure their child is connecting with the other half of their heritage in meaningful ways (beyond a guest or two at an annual cookout or holiday party--or domestic helpers), they will be able to overcome a lot more of what they are likely to endure from their peers.
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Anonymous
Okay, how about telling her son that his statement is total BS. Are all white people the same just because they have the same skin color? That's ridiculous. If my kid says that to me some day, we'll have a long discussion about being 'different'. I know exactly what it feels like and I also know that people of ALL races can feel that way at times. I have close friends of all races, and some feel that way because of religious reasons. Some felt that way because of weight. Some felt that way due to sexual orientation. My main point is that being surrounded by other people who look like you does not make you feel the 'same' as them. Having the same skin color as someone does not make you the same in any way. |
Anonymous
NP here, I'd love to know which school you're referring to. |
Anonymous
Exactly! I'm not sure why posters are even using these anecdotes because I can give my own anecdotes about the exact opposite experience. I never felt the way that child did and often thought kids were "like me" that looked nothing like me actually I never really thought of myself as looking like someone. Was completely irrelevant. You have to teach your children self esteemed and not tied to some identity or phenotype exclusively. The solution if a child is feeling that way is not to give in and allow them to be pigeon-holed. Every child is different and will not feel the same in the same situation |
Anonymous
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Good luck to you all with magical parenting skills who can accurately predict and thereafter control how your kids feel about things.
People told you their experiences. Not all kids will have the same experiences, but I don't get the outrage at people for sharing their personal experiences, just because they don't match your own. |
Anonymous
PP here and I think you missed my point. My point is that the "diversity issue" where minority and bi-racial kids find themselves in environments where they are the only or one of only a few students in the classroom is what I was referring to. While ideally it would be nice to have a broadly diverse school where your kids don't feel different or where differences are celebrated, the reality is that this is just not the case as one moves through life. Throughout my life, I have constantly been the only or one of a small number of minorities in classrooms through public schools, university, grad school and now the workforce. If you cannot make peace with this and find a way to interact with the world as it is, you will never be successful. I am not saying that it is not hard. It can be very hard at times and very lonely too. Extremely lonely. But it is necessary to find the mental strength to push on through and frankly it is good that socialize this early on, because there will certainly be fewer minorities at whatever university ones kids attend and likely even fewer in professional positions where one works. With that said, one of the skills that gets learned is how to identify bad situations where minorities are set up to fail and both how to confront and deal with it, as well as to avoid it completely in the future. As many PPs have pointed out, diversity of numbers does not always and actually rarely translates into a healthy social environment for minorities. When you add in the fact of being bi-racial, the divided lunchrooms, cliques and social scenes can take a toll on ones sense of self and psychological well being. In the end though, kids in parent households with upper-middle class parents have a lot in common, despite background, ethnicity and skin color. What I am oddly finding, as I look at my totally mixed little find herself socially in a W cluster is that she is generally making friends with other kids who are "different" somehow than the model upper-middle class white American family. She has a number of friends who are white and being raised by single mothers, a lot of friends of mixed race of various different backgrounds, e.g. South Asian/White, East Asian/White, etc. and a large number of Jewish friends. I do not believe, nor do I get the sense that the more typical white kids are excluding her, I think it is just kids look for affinity groups and she has found hers from the time being. I suspect while she gets older, may and most likely will change. It is important to understand who you are, what makes you different, and whether the social dynamics of the place you are thinking about sending your kids to school or working are compatible with that. |
Anonymous
Exactly !!!!!! So many damn folk just want to, in some round damn about way, make the point that POC can be racist(NO SHIT) or to justify making their child the "only" in some particular situation. |
Anonymous
So many damn folk don't seem to understand that your skin color does NOT make you the 'only' unless you let it. Even if my kid is the only biracial kid, he has found other kids (of different skin color) that he is friends with. So many damn folk also don't understand that being around people of the same skin color does not mean that Your Kid will never feel left out. It's just not that simple. My priority is to teach my kid that his skin color doesn't matter. If it matters to other people, that is their issue and he needs to figure out how to navigate that (just like LGBQT people do, just like fat people do, just like Muslims do). |
Anonymous
No, noo we don't... We want POC to go WHEREVER THEY WANT TO! Very different... Some will go to balanced school, some tilted one way or the other. Who cares but don't make the decision for us! I hear to many times, "wouldn't you be happier in Silver Spring!?!?" Uh, no I wouldn't... |
Anonymous
I think maybe you are having flashbacks to some other conversation. People are sharing thoughts based on their own or their kids' experiences. No one is telling anyone else where they need to live. |
Anonymous
Lady, kick rocks!!!!! I'm so sick of folk trying to tell people of color what their issues are, what their experiences are and how to deal with them. No one is talking about SKIN COLOR, we are discussing race and racial dynamics. If you cannot keep up, then drop out of the conversation. It is 2017 and we are still dealing with inequitable racial dynamics in this country. So miss me with your Pollyanna, head in the sand Post Racial bullshit. My life as a woman of color, my kids' experiences as POC is not the same as a white person's experience in this nation. It just is not. You don't have to like it, you do not have understand or experience it but it does not make it untrue or invalid. And guess what else, other people understanding the racial dynamics at play in our society does not mean that we do not teach our kids to not judge other people based on race, religion, or ethnicity. Some of us teach our kids to recognize, respect and understand difference while ALSO recognizing that we have a long way to go in healing racial wounds, evening the playing field and UNlearning racism. Your ridiculous comments reek of someone who has no clue what it is to face discrimination or to be treated like "other" on a consistent basis-and yea their are POC who fit this discrimination. I feel sorry for your biracial kid; what you are teaching him to do is to erase himself and the different experiences he may have, and how to navigate the world as it is, not how you want it to be in your privileged bubble. We need to celebrate people's difference, appreciate their uniqueness, not make it invisible in order to facilitate your comfort. |
Anonymous
That statement is ignorant AF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bet you would not say that if you were the only woman at your company. Well, I don't feel 'like the only' at my job, even tho I am the only woman. That bullshit is so weak. What you want is to not to have to do anything. Not to have to think that maybe your life experience and that of someone else may be different and that what they go thru, what they have lived is different than what you have. It is being lazy in the mind. And no one is saying that choosing a more "diverse" environment will guarantee a perfect school environment. NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! |
Anonymous
| I would rather be black in an all white school than white in an all black school. Unless you can point to one all black school thet is high performing. |