To non-white parents with kids at mostly white schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a PP who stepped out because some of you really seem to have "issues."
Seriously, step back. This thread has been taken over by some people who seem to be working out old hurts here. Do that shit in therapy, and stop taking it out on strangers on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And not just weak, you have yet to explain how any point I made is indicative of "insecurity".
You are mad because I am frustrated with and calling out people trying to invalidate other people's experiences and how they feel best to deal with them?
You mad because I call bullshit on ANYONE saying that we just 'don't see skin color' and to act like everyone's experience in this country is the same?
You mad because I called out the fact that it is nonsense to pretend that other people live lives you do not and pretending that we don't have far to racially is just well ....folly?
You mad bro?

Your attitude is exactly why I avoid "diverse" schools.

Your post may come out as harsh or bigoted but I am sympathetic to it in the sense that for me I don't want my child having the defeatist mentality that is often spread amongst certain groups of people often with no real world basis for believing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And not just weak, you have yet to explain how any point I made is indicative of "insecurity".
You are mad because I am frustrated with and calling out people trying to invalidate other people's experiences and how they feel best to deal with them?
You mad because I call bullshit on ANYONE saying that we just 'don't see skin color' and to act like everyone's experience in this country is the same?
You mad because I called out the fact that it is nonsense to pretend that other people live lives you do not and pretending that we don't have far to racially is just well ....folly?
You mad bro?

Your attitude is exactly why I avoid "diverse" schools.

Your post may come out as harsh or bigoted but I am sympathetic to it in the sense that for me I don't want my child having the defeatist mentality that is often spread amongst certain groups of people often with no real world basis for believing it.

"Defeatist"?
Are women considered "defeatist" if they say sexism exists or does sexism not exist because YOU do not experience it?
And might I ask what group do you know in its entirety that you would be able to speak to this virus you call "defeatist"?

[Anonymous]

It's not recognizing that something exist that makes you defeatist but rather how you respond next. I don't think many women are stuck in the slums and claim they need to hustle to make ends meet because of their gender by the way. Not a good example at all. And I'm intimately familiar with groups who think this way which is why you can't brush me off like you try to do with white people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not recognizing that something exist that makes you defeatist but rather how you respond next. I don't think many women are stuck in the slums and claim they need to hustle to make ends meet because of their gender by the way. Not a good example at all. And I'm intimately familiar with groups who think this way which is why you can't brush me off like you try to do with white people.

LOL!
I am trying to figure out how in the hell you got from racism and sexism to slums and hustling. I guess it is not a good example if your brain cannot make the connection between racism and sexism, ok
Who is brushing off white people?
Your intimately familiar with your own ignorance and have yet again failed to give a coherent answer to anything I asked.
SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a bi-racial person in my 40s, they've gotta get used to it because it will be like this throughout the rest of their lives.

So don't worry so much. Think of it as life skills training, along with the great academics.

It's been that way all along... Hispanics majority bi and triracial. AA a good percent are bi racial sense like forever. This is nothing new. We are just calling it by a different name.

PP here and I think you missed my point. My point is that the "diversity issue" where minority and bi-racial kids find themselves in environments where they are the only or one of only a few students in the classroom is what I was referring to. While ideally it would be nice to have a broadly diverse school where your kids don't feel different or where differences are celebrated, the reality is that this is just not the case as one moves through life. Throughout my life, I have constantly been the only or one of a small number of minorities in classrooms through public schools, university, grad school and now the workforce. If you cannot make peace with this and find a way to interact with the world as it is, you will never be successful.

I am not saying that it is not hard. It can be very hard at times and very lonely too. Extremely lonely. But it is necessary to find the mental strength to push on through and frankly it is good that socialize this early on, because there will certainly be fewer minorities at whatever university ones kids attend and likely even fewer in professional positions where one works.

With that said, one of the skills that gets learned is how to identify bad situations where minorities are set up to fail and both how to confront and deal with it, as well as to avoid it completely in the future. As many PPs have pointed out, diversity of numbers does not always and actually rarely translates into a healthy social environment for minorities. When you add in the fact of being bi-racial, the divided lunchrooms, cliques and social scenes can take a toll on ones sense of self and psychological well being. In the end though, kids in parent households with upper-middle class parents have a lot in common, despite background, ethnicity and skin color.

What I am oddly finding, as I look at my totally mixed little find herself socially in a W cluster is that she is generally making friends with other kids who are "different" somehow than the model upper-middle class white American family. She has a number of friends who are white and being raised by single mothers, a lot of friends of mixed race of various different backgrounds, e.g. South Asian/White, East Asian/White, etc. and a large number of Jewish friends. I do not believe, nor do I get the sense that the more typical white kids are excluding her, I think it is just kids look for affinity groups and she has found hers from the time being. I suspect while she gets older, may and most likely will change.

It is important to understand who you are, what makes you different, and whether the social dynamics of the place you are thinking about sending your kids to school or working are compatible with that.

This poster makes some excellent points. I agree with most of what you're saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And not just weak, you have yet to explain how any point I made is indicative of "insecurity".
You are mad because I am frustrated with and calling out people trying to invalidate other people's experiences and how they feel best to deal with them?
You mad because I call bullshit on ANYONE saying that we just 'don't see skin color' and to act like everyone's experience in this country is the same?
You mad because I called out the fact that it is nonsense to pretend that other people live lives you do not and pretending that we don't have far to racially is just well ....folly?
You mad bro?

Your attitude is exactly why I avoid "diverse" schools.

Your post may come out as harsh or bigoted but I am sympathetic to it in the sense that for me I don't want my child having the defeatist mentality that is often spread amongst certain groups of people often with no real world basis for believing it.

+1000!

There is no way I'm raising my biracial Kid to believe he's a victim because of his skin color. This is a huge issue for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And not just weak, you have yet to explain how any point I made is indicative of "insecurity".
You are mad because I am frustrated with and calling out people trying to invalidate other people's experiences and how they feel best to deal with them?
You mad because I call bullshit on ANYONE saying that we just 'don't see skin color' and to act like everyone's experience in this country is the same?
You mad because I called out the fact that it is nonsense to pretend that other people live lives you do not and pretending that we don't have far to racially is just well ....folly?
You mad bro?

Your attitude is exactly why I avoid "diverse" schools.

Your post may come out as harsh or bigoted but I am sympathetic to it in the sense that for me I don't want my child having the defeatist mentality that is often spread amongst certain groups of people often with no real world basis for believing it.

+1000!

There is no way I'm raising my biracial Kid to believe he's a victim because of his skin color. This is a huge issue for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 16:10.

Looking for 'diverse' schools doesn't mean there will be no racial animosity. You fill find plenty.

Help your kids find kind, supportive friends (of any race) and don't worry about it.

I'm the PP who you're responding to. What exactly in the post you quoted are you rolling your eyes at? Finding supportive friends?

Another biracial poster who agrees that schools with 'diversity' don't shelter you from people with racial animosity.

And no one is saying that, no matter how many times you try to make the conversation about that.
Racial diversity ensures that your child does not feel isolated as the only one who is different.

Exactly !!!!!!
So many damn folk just want to, in some round damn about way, make the point that POC can be racist(NO SHIT) or to justify making their child the "only" in some particular situation.

So many damn folk don't seem to understand that your skin color does NOT make you the 'only' unless you let it. Even if my kid is the only biracial kid, he has found other kids (of different skin color) that he is friends with.

So many damn folk also don't understand that being around people of the same skin color does not mean that Your Kid will never feel left out. It's just not that simple.

My priority is to teach my kid that his skin color doesn't matter. If it matters to other people, that is their issue and he needs to figure out how to navigate that (just like LGBQT people do, just like fat people do, just like Muslims do).

Lady, kick rocks!!!!!
I'm so sick of folk trying to tell people of color what their issues are, what their experiences are and how to deal with them. No one is talking about SKIN COLOR, we are discussing race and racial dynamics. If you cannot keep up, then drop out of the conversation. It is 2017 and we are still dealing with inequitable racial dynamics in this country. So miss me with your Pollyanna, head in the sand Post Racial bullshit. My life as a woman of color, my kids' experiences as POC is not the same as a white person's experience in this nation. It just is not. You don't have to like it, you do not have understand or experience it but it does not make it untrue or invalid.
And guess what else, other people understanding the racial dynamics at play in our society does not mean that we do not teach our kids to not judge other people based on race, religion, or ethnicity. Some of us teach our kids to recognize, respect and understand difference while ALSO recognizing that we have a long way to go in healing racial wounds, evening the playing field and UNlearning racism. Your ridiculous comments reek of someone who has no clue what it is to face discrimination or to be treated like "other" on a consistent basis-and yea their are POC who fit this discrimination.
I feel sorry for your biracial kid; what you are teaching him to do is to erase himself and the different experiences he may have, and how to navigate the world as it is, not how you want it to be in your privileged bubble.
We need to celebrate people's difference, appreciate their uniqueness, not make it invisible in order to facilitate your comfort.

Kick rocks? I'm not even sure how to respond to that.

I'm the PP you responded to. You don't have to believe that I'm a POC. I don't really care one way or the other. I do want to point out that you'd like to celebrate uniqueness but you can't wrap your head around the fact that other POC may think differently than you.

Thank you for the sympathy for my biracial kids. I can assure you that they will be fine.

I don't even know how to respond to some of your comments - how is my head in the sand? Where so I say that there is no discrimination?

I simply do not agree that being in a school with other kids of the same skin color will lead to a somehow 'better' experience. YMMV and more power to you. You're the one ranting about how I need to kick rocks(??) simply because you disagree with my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not recognizing that something exist that makes you defeatist but rather how you respond next. I don't think many women are stuck in the slums and claim they need to hustle to make ends meet because of their gender by the way. Not a good example at all. And I'm intimately familiar with groups who think this way which is why you can't brush me off like you try to do with white people.

Spot on. I can't change other people's attitudes. I'm not going to change people who are prejudiced. And neither is my kid. Being in a diverse school or not makes no difference.

You can only control your own situation and make decisions for yourself. An important lesson to teach any kid, regardless of color/race/religion/sexual orientation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not recognizing that something exist that makes you defeatist but rather how you respond next. I don't think many women are stuck in the slums and claim they need to hustle to make ends meet because of their gender by the way. Not a good example at all. And I'm intimately familiar with groups who think this way which is why you can't brush me off like you try to do with white people.

Spot on. I can't change other people's attitudes. I'm not going to change people who are prejudiced. And neither is my kid. Being in a diverse school or not makes no difference.

You can only control your own situation and make decisions for yourself. An important lesson to teach any kid, regardless of color/race/religion/sexual orientation.

So it is the responsibility of the people being discriminated against to just fucking figure out how to respond, there is no onus on people to change racism/discrimination/bias?
And then if people say they want to have a diverse environment -- that is an issue.
Y'all are crazy as hell -- want it both ways.
Lord Have Mercy!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 16:10.

Looking for 'diverse' schools doesn't mean there will be no racial animosity. You fill find plenty.

Help your kids find kind, supportive friends (of any race) and don't worry about it.

I'm the PP who you're responding to. What exactly in the post you quoted are you rolling your eyes at? Finding supportive friends?

Another biracial poster who agrees that schools with 'diversity' don't shelter you from people with racial animosity.

And no one is saying that, no matter how many times you try to make the conversation about that.
Racial diversity ensures that your child does not feel isolated as the only one who is different.

Exactly !!!!!!
So many damn folk just want to, in some round damn about way, make the point that POC can be racist(NO SHIT) or to justify making their child the "only" in some particular situation.

So many damn folk don't seem to understand that your skin color does NOT make you the 'only' unless you let it. Even if my kid is the only biracial kid, he has found other kids (of different skin color) that he is friends with.

So many damn folk also don't understand that being around people of the same skin color does not mean that Your Kid will never feel left out. It's just not that simple.

My priority is to teach my kid that his skin color doesn't matter. If it matters to other people, that is their issue and he needs to figure out how to navigate that (just like LGBQT people do, just like fat people do, just like Muslims do).

Lady, kick rocks!!!!!
I'm so sick of folk trying to tell people of color what their issues are, what their experiences are and how to deal with them. No one is talking about SKIN COLOR, we are discussing race and racial dynamics. If you cannot keep up, then drop out of the conversation. It is 2017 and we are still dealing with inequitable racial dynamics in this country. So miss me with your Pollyanna, head in the sand Post Racial bullshit. My life as a woman of color, my kids' experiences as POC is not the same as a white person's experience in this nation. It just is not. You don't have to like it, you do not have understand or experience it but it does not make it untrue or invalid.
And guess what else, other people understanding the racial dynamics at play in our society does not mean that we do not teach our kids to not judge other people based on race, religion, or ethnicity. Some of us teach our kids to recognize, respect and understand difference while ALSO recognizing that we have a long way to go in healing racial wounds, evening the playing field and UNlearning racism. Your ridiculous comments reek of someone who has no clue what it is to face discrimination or to be treated like "other" on a consistent basis-and yea their are POC who fit this discrimination.
I feel sorry for your biracial kid; what you are teaching him to do is to erase himself and the different experiences he may have, and how to navigate the world as it is, not how you want it to be in your privileged bubble.
We need to celebrate people's difference, appreciate their uniqueness, not make it invisible in order to facilitate your comfort.

Kick rocks? I'm not even sure how to respond to that.

I'm the PP you responded to. You don't have to believe that I'm a POC. I don't really care one way or the other. I do want to point out that you'd like to celebrate uniqueness but you can't wrap your head around the fact that other POC may think differently than you.

Thank you for the sympathy for my biracial kids. I can assure you that they will be fine.

I don't even know how to respond to some of your comments - how is my head in the sand? Where so I say that there is no discrimination?

I simply do not agree that being in a school with other kids of the same skin color will lead to a somehow 'better' experience. YMMV and more power to you. You're the one ranting about how I need to kick rocks(??) simply because you disagree with my opinion.

I never said you were not a POC -- NEVER, EVER, ANYWHERE!
Oh my gracious, your comprehension and understanding of anything I said...geesh...

[Anonymous]

Wow-- the hypocrisy of some of you posters
A person says they want their non-white child to be in a diverse environment and you lambaste them for it.
Then out of the other side your mouth(or your ass) you tell them it's all about how a person responds to people who are prejudiced and challenging situations.
But if you respond you are engaging in 'defeatist' victim pathology!
WHICH THE F*** is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a PP who stepped out because some of you really seem to have "issues."
Seriously, step back. This thread has been taken over by some people who seem to be working out old hurts here. Do that shit in therapy, and stop taking it out on strangers on dcum.

+1

The crazy yelling, cursing poster needs to calm down. She has totally derailed this thread and obviously has some anger issues as well as unresolved insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a PP who stepped out because some of you really seem to have "issues."
Seriously, step back. This thread has been taken over by some people who seem to be working out old hurts here. Do that shit in therapy, and stop taking it out on strangers on dcum.

+1

The crazy yelling, cursing poster needs to calm down. She has totally derailed this thread and obviously has some anger issues as well as unresolved insecurities.