To non-white parents with kids at mostly white schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 16:10.

Looking for 'diverse' schools doesn't mean there will be no racial animosity. You fill find plenty.

Help your kids find kind, supportive friends (of any race) and don't worry about it.

DP... true, but not being the *only* or just a handful is important, especially to a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 16:10.

Looking for 'diverse' schools doesn't mean there will be no racial animosity. You fill find plenty.

Help your kids find kind, supportive friends (of any race) and don't worry about it.

DP... true, but not being the *only* or just a handful is important, especially to a child.

Dp. In what world would this be the only mixed kid? I think OP does a terrible diservice BOTH in labling these schools as nondiverse out of her maternal protective fears for her kids AND in thinking diverse kids wouldn't eat them up. I have found white kids can more accepting/more naive/less judgmental of my biracial child than the nonwhite ones. Maybe not every one is nice but as a generality we have had no issues with it being about race. And I don't want to hear some crap about twenty year old comments that the parents endured, as if that wasn't a two way street too. When your kid gets to school, are the parents going to think well of you if they are already reading that you think they're bad news? Geez.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is mixed and in a very white middle school. Her closest friends are all white, though she certainly knows several mixed/black kids at the school. I think she kind of likes being different, but this year in particular, she has come home mentioning (I wouldn't say 'complaining') about a number of things-- people giving a lot of attention to her natural hair (I think she likes it at this point but it is
LOT of attention), and a weird situation where a teacher was I think interacting with my daughter in a fun way and then kind of whispering to my daughter's friends in a mock-making-fun-of-her kind of way, but the friends said what she said was racist. They wouldn't tell her WHAT the teacher said, only that they found it racist. Since they wouldn't tell her, and it's a teacher my daughter goofed around with during free periods at school in the past, it could well have been a lot of nothing, but daughter has mentioned it a few times so it maybe bothers her.

In sum, as far as I can tell, there has been no major, blatant problem, but a lot of small things that tell her she's different...

I actually sort of have the opposite fear-- not that she will face a really hard time at school, but that she will grow up in a cushy suburb and have to face some harsh realities when she leaves her bubble.

[Anonymous]

That ES does not go to Westland, so you will be going to Pyle which has a real lack of diversity. You will have to work as a parent to expose them to diversity in sports team, extra-curriculars, religion, etc. That said, having a bi-racial child is real work in this cluster. They may be called names (mine was ridiculed for afro), be questioned about being in advanced/ AP/honors classes, but it is job of parent to let them know that is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That ES does not go to Westland, so you will be going to Pyle which has a real lack of diversity. You will have to work as a parent to expose them to diversity in sports team, extra-curriculars, religion, etc. That said, having a bi-racial child is real work in this cluster. They may be called names (mine was ridiculed for afro), be questioned about being in advanced/ AP/honors classes, but it is job of parent to let them know that is crazy.

I almost think it is a troll consider they got their schools wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 16:10.

Looking for 'diverse' schools doesn't mean there will be no racial animosity. You fill find plenty.

Help your kids find kind, supportive friends (of any race) and don't worry about it.

DP... true, but not being the *only* or just a handful is important, especially to a child.

Dp. In what world would this be the only mixed kid? I think OP does a terrible diservice BOTH in labling these schools as nondiverse out of her maternal protective fears for her kids AND in thinking diverse kids wouldn't eat them up. I have found white kids can more accepting/more naive/less judgmental of my biracial child than the nonwhite ones. Maybe not every one is nice but as a generality we have had no issues with it being about race. And I don't want to hear some crap about twenty year old comments that the parents endured, as if that wasn't a two way street too. When your kid gets to school, are the parents going to think well of you if they are already reading that you think they're bad news? Geez.

Agree completely.

I'm biracial and have found more acceptance from the white kids/white adults. People of other races often have these 'expectations' of your race that seems to disappoint them if you don't fulfill. Where as often white people don't seem to give a f(ck. (i say that as a positive - they seem to more look at me as who I am, not choose me as worthy to talk to because I'm ethnic enough)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have bi-racial kids and are zoned for Bannockburn/Westland/Whitman. These are all great schools, and I'm glad to have access to them, but I'm concerned about the lack of diversity. For those of you with non-white kids at these or similar schools, how do you compensate? We have friends of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds that we see periodically (most who have kids and live in DC where we used to live or further out), but it seems like school is where kids form their core peer group and it's obviously where they spend most of their time.

Many thanks!

Are your kids adopted? I only ask, because if you are an interracial couple, I would think that you would have access to the community, family, friends, etc of the non-white partner.
You don't specify what the two races are of the biracial kids. But, you could sign up for soccer, scouts, the YMCA in an area that would have more of the diversity you seek - Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Rockville, DC, etc.

I'd like more exposure than just family. And as I said, we have a diverse group of friends, but I'm wondering if that's enough given that children's core peer groups are usually in school with them.

You never know what is going to happen in the future. We are black, and DD attends a very diverse school (race, nationality, SES). She has a diverse group of friends at school, but spends most of her time out of school with kids involved in her chosen extracurricular activity. That is a somewhat diverse group, but definitely more white than her school friends.
Having said that, I grew up as often the only black girl in many situations. I had a lot of friends, but there were many times that I felt isolated. Those friends, and often their parents or siblings, would make ignorant and/or racist comments to me, thinking they were funny. One friend wasn't allowed to come to my house. My first two boyfriends couldn't tell their racist fathers about me. I did not share most of these things with my parents. I just endured them. But, my experiences growing up are a major reason why we chose a diverse area to raise out daughter.

Sorry that happened PP, but my white DS just attended a formal with an AA girl. She would not post their pictures on social media because she was afraid of the reaction of her own grandmother. Diversity in school doesn't mean that kids won't experience racism. Luckily, each generation changes; hence the number of bi-racial kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with 16:10.

Looking for 'diverse' schools doesn't mean there will be no racial animosity. You fill find plenty.

Help your kids find kind, supportive friends (of any race) and don't worry about it.

DP... true, but not being the *only* or just a handful is important, especially to a child.

Dp. In what world would this be the only mixed kid? I think OP does a terrible diservice BOTH in labling these schools as nondiverse out of her maternal protective fears for her kids AND in thinking diverse kids wouldn't eat them up. I have found white kids can more accepting/more naive/less judgmental of my biracial child than the nonwhite ones. Maybe not every one is nice but as a generality we have had no issues with it being about race. And I don't want to hear some crap about twenty year old comments that the parents endured, as if that wasn't a two way street too. When your kid gets to school, are the parents going to think well of you if they are already reading that you think they're bad news? Geez.

Agree completely.

I'm biracial and have found more acceptance from the white kids/white adults. People of other races often have these 'expectations' of your race that seems to disappoint them if you don't fulfill. Where as often white people don't seem to give a f(ck. (i say that as a positive - they seem to more look at me as who I am, not choose me as worthy to talk to because I'm ethnic enough)

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have bi-racial kids and are zoned for Bannockburn/Westland/Whitman. These are all great schools, and I'm glad to have access to them, but I'm concerned about the lack of diversity. For those of you with non-white kids at these or similar schools, how do you compensate? We have friends of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds that we see periodically (most who have kids and live in DC where we used to live or further out), but it seems like school is where kids form their core peer group and it's obviously where they spend most of their time.

Many thanks!

Are your kids adopted? I only ask, because if you are an interracial couple, I would think that you would have access to the community, family, friends, etc of the non-white partner.
You don't specify what the two races are of the biracial kids. But, you could sign up for soccer, scouts, the YMCA in an area that would have more of the diversity you seek - Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Rockville, DC, etc.

I'd like more exposure than just family. And as I said, we have a diverse group of friends, but I'm wondering if that's enough given that children's core peer groups are usually in school with them.

You never know what is going to happen in the future. We are black, and DD attends a very diverse school (race, nationality, SES). She has a diverse group of friends at school, but spends most of her time out of school with kids involved in her chosen extracurricular activity. That is a somewhat diverse group, but definitely more white than her school friends.
Having said that, I grew up as often the only black girl in many situations. I had a lot of friends, but there were many times that I felt isolated. Those friends, and often their parents or siblings, would make ignorant and/or racist comments to me, thinking they were funny. One friend wasn't allowed to come to my house. My first two boyfriends couldn't tell their racist fathers about me. I did not share most of these things with my parents. I just endured them. But, my experiences growing up are a major reason why we chose a diverse area to raise out daughter.

This post just made me reconsider (a black woman) moving to a W school cluster or Olney with my kids. Thanks for this!

To both of you PPs - do you think that having your kids around other Black kids is going to shelter them from ignorance and prejudice? That's naive and ridiculous. There are a$$holes of every color.

I'm one of the biracial posters. Some of the most obnoxious comments come from my Black family members. Comments about the Asian women at the nail salon, for example. Do you ever listen to the Irban radio stations in the morning? No shortage of obnoxious race-based comments.

Teach your kids not to let the opinions of others define them. And teach them to surround themselves with positive people, regardless of color/race/religion.

Your comment about Olney says more about your own prejudices than it does about anything else. FTR, my sister lives in olney and it has been wonderful for her family.

[Anonymous]

Urban not Irban

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have bi-racial kids and are zoned for Bannockburn/Westland/Whitman. These are all great schools, and I'm glad to have access to them, but I'm concerned about the lack of diversity. For those of you with non-white kids at these or similar schools, how do you compensate? We have friends of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds that we see periodically (most who have kids and live in DC where we used to live or further out), but it seems like school is where kids form their core peer group and it's obviously where they spend most of their time.

Many thanks!

Are your kids adopted? I only ask, because if you are an interracial couple, I would think that you would have access to the community, family, friends, etc of the non-white partner.
You don't specify what the two races are of the biracial kids. But, you could sign up for soccer, scouts, the YMCA in an area that would have more of the diversity you seek - Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Rockville, DC, etc.

I'd like more exposure than just family. And as I said, we have a diverse group of friends, but I'm wondering if that's enough given that children's core peer groups are usually in school with them.

You never know what is going to happen in the future. We are black, and DD attends a very diverse school (race, nationality, SES). She has a diverse group of friends at school, but spends most of her time out of school with kids involved in her chosen extracurricular activity. That is a somewhat diverse group, but definitely more white than her school friends.
Having said that, I grew up as often the only black girl in many situations. I had a lot of friends, but there were many times that I felt isolated. Those friends, and often their parents or siblings, would make ignorant and/or racist comments to me, thinking they were funny. One friend wasn't allowed to come to my house. My first two boyfriends couldn't tell their racist fathers about me. I did not share most of these things with my parents. I just endured them. But, my experiences growing up are a major reason why we chose a diverse area to raise out daughter.

Sorry that happened PP, but my white DS just attended a formal with an AA girl. She would not post their pictures on social media because she was afraid of the reaction of her own grandmother. Diversity in school doesn't mean that kids won't experience racism. Luckily, each generation changes; hence the number of bi-racial kids...

Diversity doesn't mean kids won't experience racism, but it does mean they won't experience it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have bi-racial kids and are zoned for Bannockburn/Westland/Whitman. These are all great schools, and I'm glad to have access to them, but I'm concerned about the lack of diversity. For those of you with non-white kids at these or similar schools, how do you compensate? We have friends of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds that we see periodically (most who have kids and live in DC where we used to live or further out), but it seems like school is where kids form their core peer group and it's obviously where they spend most of their time.

Many thanks!

Are your kids adopted? I only ask, because if you are an interracial couple, I would think that you would have access to the community, family, friends, etc of the non-white partner.
You don't specify what the two races are of the biracial kids. But, you could sign up for soccer, scouts, the YMCA in an area that would have more of the diversity you seek - Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Rockville, DC, etc.

I'd like more exposure than just family. And as I said, we have a diverse group of friends, but I'm wondering if that's enough given that children's core peer groups are usually in school with them.

You never know what is going to happen in the future. We are black, and DD attends a very diverse school (race, nationality, SES). She has a diverse group of friends at school, but spends most of her time out of school with kids involved in her chosen extracurricular activity. That is a somewhat diverse group, but definitely more white than her school friends.
Having said that, I grew up as often the only black girl in many situations. I had a lot of friends, but there were many times that I felt isolated. Those friends, and often their parents or siblings, would make ignorant and/or racist comments to me, thinking they were funny. One friend wasn't allowed to come to my house. My first two boyfriends couldn't tell their racist fathers about me. I did not share most of these things with my parents. I just endured them. But, my experiences growing up are a major reason why we chose a diverse area to raise out daughter.

This post just made me reconsider (a black woman) moving to a W school cluster or Olney with my kids. Thanks for this!

To both of you PPs - do you think that having your kids around other Black kids is going to shelter them from ignorance and prejudice? That's naive and ridiculous. There are a$$holes of every color.

I'm one of the biracial posters. Some of the most obnoxious comments come from my Black family members. Comments about the Asian women at the nail salon, for example. Do you ever listen to the Irban radio stations in the morning? No shortage of obnoxious race-based comments.

Teach your kids not to let the opinions of others define them. And teach them to surround themselves with positive people, regardless of color/race/religion.

Your comment about Olney says more about your own prejudices than it does about anything else. FTR, my sister lives in olney and it has been wonderful for her family.

I am the first poster you quoted. No, I am not naive - seriously, you have no idea about me. I know my daughter will experience racism. But I also know she has a lot more black friends, more pride in who she is, and is more comfortable in her skin than I ever was. She doesn't have any ideas that there is only one way to be black.
I am sorry that you have black family members who are racist. I have biracial relatives, and I can't recall hearing my family make racist comments about them or anyone else. My post wasn't a "white people are all bad and racist" post. There are jerks of every color. But I am not sure what that has to do with my description of my lived experience as a child surrounded by white families.
I don't listen to "urban radio," so I have no idea what is discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have bi-racial kids and are zoned for Bannockburn/Westland/Whitman. These are all great schools, and I'm glad to have access to them, but I'm concerned about the lack of diversity. For those of you with non-white kids at these or similar schools, how do you compensate? We have friends of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds that we see periodically (most who have kids and live in DC where we used to live or further out), but it seems like school is where kids form their core peer group and it's obviously where they spend most of their time.

Many thanks!

Are your kids adopted? I only ask, because if you are an interracial couple, I would think that you would have access to the community, family, friends, etc of the non-white partner.
You don't specify what the two races are of the biracial kids. But, you could sign up for soccer, scouts, the YMCA in an area that would have more of the diversity you seek - Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Rockville, DC, etc.

I'd like more exposure than just family. And as I said, we have a diverse group of friends, but I'm wondering if that's enough given that children's core peer groups are usually in school with them.

You never know what is going to happen in the future. We are black, and DD attends a very diverse school (race, nationality, SES). She has a diverse group of friends at school, but spends most of her time out of school with kids involved in her chosen extracurricular activity. That is a somewhat diverse group, but definitely more white than her school friends.
Having said that, I grew up as often the only black girl in many situations. I had a lot of friends, but there were many times that I felt isolated. Those friends, and often their parents or siblings, would make ignorant and/or racist comments to me, thinking they were funny. One friend wasn't allowed to come to my house. My first two boyfriends couldn't tell their racist fathers about me. I did not share most of these things with my parents. I just endured them. But, my experiences growing up are a major reason why we chose a diverse area to raise out daughter.

This post just made me reconsider (a black woman) moving to a W school cluster or Olney with my kids. Thanks for this!

To both of you PPs - do you think that having your kids around other Black kids is going to shelter them from ignorance and prejudice? That's naive and ridiculous. There are a$$holes of every color.

I'm one of the biracial posters. Some of the most obnoxious comments come from my Black family members. Comments about the Asian women at the nail salon, for example. Do you ever listen to the Irban radio stations in the morning? No shortage of obnoxious race-based comments.

Teach your kids not to let the opinions of others define them. And teach them to surround themselves with positive people, regardless of color/race/religion.

Your comment about Olney says more about your own prejudices than it does about anything else. FTR, my sister lives in olney and it has been wonderful for her family.

I am the first poster you quoted. No, I am not naive - seriously, you have no idea about me. I know my daughter will experience racism. But I also know she has a lot more black friends, more pride in who she is, and is more comfortable in her skin than I ever was. She doesn't have any ideas that there is only one way to be black.
I am sorry that you have black family members who are racist. I have biracial relatives, and I can't recall hearing my family make racist comments about them or anyone else. My post wasn't a "white people are all bad and racist" post. There are jerks of every color. But I am not sure what that has to do with my description of my lived experience as a child surrounded by white families.
I don't listen to "urban radio," so I have no idea what is discussed.

Not pp, you are responding to... it's not really your own family I so or be concerned about. It's more so the broader community. But if you are black and don't see nonstop racial marginalization, commentary, etc in the black community you are not either naive or delusional. And I say that sympathizing completely with the historical background for why I t happens but it must stop.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the honest responses. I'm not trying to shield my children from racism in my desire for them to have diversity around them. Really far from it. It will happen anywhere and that's okay. I've actually already thought about how I'm going to respond to them when they encounter their first experience with it and come to me. I'm still not sure what i'm going to say, and I guess it will depend on how old they are when it happens. What I want is for them not to be surrounded by all white kids that are virtually all the same. I want them to be exposed to different ideas and different points of view and benefit from peers who can share different experiences. This is the power of having a diverse student body. And yes, I don't want him to be the only kid that looks like him. That's isolating too.

And to those who mentioned our middle school is Pyle -- this is news to me. Our address is zoned for Westland as our middle school, so unless that's wrong or we got rezoned since we purchased the house that's where we're bound for. After these responses though I'm going to double check. Either way, they both seem pretty non-diverse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have bi-racial kids and are zoned for Bannockburn/Westland/Whitman. These are all great schools, and I'm glad to have access to them, but I'm concerned about the lack of diversity. For those of you with non-white kids at these or similar schools, how do you compensate? We have friends of all races and socioeconomic backgrounds that we see periodically (most who have kids and live in DC where we used to live or further out), but it seems like school is where kids form their core peer group and it's obviously where they spend most of their time.

Many thanks!

Are your kids adopted? I only ask, because if you are an interracial couple, I would think that you would have access to the community, family, friends, etc of the non-white partner.
You don't specify what the two races are of the biracial kids. But, you could sign up for soccer, scouts, the YMCA in an area that would have more of the diversity you seek - Takoma Park, Silver Spring, Rockville, DC, etc.

I'd like more exposure than just family. And as I said, we have a diverse group of friends, but I'm wondering if that's enough given that children's core peer groups are usually in school with them.

You never know what is going to happen in the future. We are black, and DD attends a very diverse school (race, nationality, SES). She has a diverse group of friends at school, but spends most of her time out of school with kids involved in her chosen extracurricular activity. That is a somewhat diverse group, but definitely more white than her school friends.
Having said that, I grew up as often the only black girl in many situations. I had a lot of friends, but there were many times that I felt isolated. Those friends, and often their parents or siblings, would make ignorant and/or racist comments to me, thinking they were funny. One friend wasn't allowed to come to my house. My first two boyfriends couldn't tell their racist fathers about me. I did not share most of these things with my parents. I just endured them. But, my experiences growing up are a major reason why we chose a diverse area to raise out daughter.

This post just made me reconsider (a black woman) moving to a W school cluster or Olney with my kids. Thanks for this!

To both of you PPs - do you think that having your kids around other Black kids is going to shelter them from ignorance and prejudice? That's naive and ridiculous. There are a$$holes of every color.

I'm one of the biracial posters. Some of the most obnoxious comments come from my Black family members. Comments about the Asian women at the nail salon, for example. Do you ever listen to the Irban radio stations in the morning? No shortage of obnoxious race-based comments.

Teach your kids not to let the opinions of others define them. And teach them to surround themselves with positive people, regardless of color/race/religion.

Your comment about Olney says more about your own prejudices than it does about anything else. FTR, my sister lives in olney and it has been wonderful for her family.

I am the first poster you quoted. No, I am not naive - seriously, you have no idea about me. I know my daughter will experience racism. But I also know she has a lot more black friends, more pride in who she is, and is more comfortable in her skin than I ever was. She doesn't have any ideas that there is only one way to be black.
I am sorry that you have black family members who are racist. I have biracial relatives, and I can't recall hearing my family make racist comments about them or anyone else. My post wasn't a "white people are all bad and racist" post. There are jerks of every color. But I am not sure what that has to do with my description of my lived experience as a child surrounded by white families.
I don't listen to "urban radio," so I have no idea what is discussed.

Not pp, you are responding to... it's not really your own family I so or be concerned about. It's more so the broader community. But if you are black and don't see nonstop racial marginalization, commentary, etc in the black community you are not either naive or delusional. And I say that sympathizing completely with the historical background for why I t happens but it must stop.

I am really trying to understand what you are saying, how it relates to my experience and that of my child, and why you are showing such animosity towards me (I am naïve, delusional, etc).
I shared my experiences as a kid in all white environments, and that I chose something different for my child, so have her in a more diverse environment. The response is that I am naïve, and black people are prejudiced.
I shared that my daughter has higher self-esteem and a more black friends than I had. We don't tolerate or spend time with people (of any race) who say racist things. Your response is that I am delusional if I don't think black people are prejudiced. I am not sure exactly what you are referring to as "nonstop racial marginalization." Are you talking about how biracial people are treated? about how you think the black community treats other races?
Are you one of those people who equates the word "diverse" with black? I was pretty clear that I meant a range of things when I said "diversity." DD's school has no race in the majority. She has friends who are black, white, Asian, Latino, multiracial. In fact, at her last school, 6% of the student body was multiracial. Among her black friends and classmates, there are African americans, Jamaicans, Ethiopians, Nigerians. Her closest white friends were either born in another country, or have parents who are immigrants.
Our immediate family is black, but our extended family and our social circle contain many people of different races. I am neither naïve nor delusional when I say that our lives do not include a bunch of black folks sitting around trashing other races. Are there, "a$$holes of every color"? Of course. Some black people are prejudiced, just as some white people are. But I don't see why that leads to criticism of our wanting our child to have a more diverse childhood experience, and not feel the isolation that I felt growing up.