Ladies, would you settle down with a man who wants to be a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. I don't even like it when my husband gets home before 6 (and yes, I do love him). I did not marry him for his household management skills, which are quite lacking. Plus, I hate my job and would so resent being there all day while he is in our lovely home with our lovely children and pets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. I don't even like it when my husband gets home before 6 (and yes, I do love him). I did not marry him for his household management skills, which are quite lacking. Plus, I hate my job and would so resent being there all day while he is in our lovely home with our lovely children and pets.

You sound like a bundle of joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm old and married, but if my DH wanted to drop out of the grind, I would be thrilled. Even though I would probably have to leave my fed job and jump into private practice to support us. I'm so tired of the grind and the juggling. Even if I had to join up as a relatively junior associate somewhere, I could probably double my current salary and dramatically improve our quality of life with him at home. The work would suck but I think it would be worth it.

For me. He would never go for it, sadly.

The work would suck and you could never divorce him. bad deal.

well, we've been married for 15 years, and together 6 years before that, and have two little kids; so I'm okay on the not divorcing bit. The work would suck. But the tradeoff for the more demanding job is that someone else could look after doctors appointments, sick days, playdates, daycare field trips, house contractors, teacher conferences, kids clothing, most dinner prep, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

[Anonymous]

No. Is rather be equal partners when it comes to earning $ and I wouldn't want to stress of being the only breadwinner on either one of us. I'd want him to make family a priority when there is one and have worked hard at his job before we started a family so he can have leeway in hours and come home early and go on vacation. I pretty much got that. He stayed with the baby for a month when I went back to work. Got how hard that is and is happy going to work super early and coming home at 4 and spending time with me and the baby. I WOH as well. If I made more $ and he wanted to do another degree part time while watching the baby full time for X years we can discuss that but I don't make enough for that yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm old and married, but if my DH wanted to drop out of the grind, I would be thrilled. Even though I would probably have to leave my fed job and jump into private practice to support us. I'm so tired of the grind and the juggling. Even if I had to join up as a relatively junior associate somewhere, I could probably double my current salary and dramatically improve our quality of life with him at home. The work would suck but I think it would be worth it.

For me. He would never go for it, sadly.

The work would suck and you could never divorce him. bad deal.

well, we've been married for 15 years, and together 6 years before that, and have two little kids; so I'm okay on the not divorcing bit. The work would suck. But the tradeoff for the more demanding job is that someone else could look after doctors appointments, sick days, playdates, daycare field trips, house contractors, teacher conferences, kids clothing, most dinner prep, etc.

And you would feel like you never see your kids and have only a passing involvement in their lives, a feeling that I find hard to deal with as a woman.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would. IF he truly provided all the child and household management. Shopping, meals, laundry, doctors, cleaning, etc. etc. I would love to have a "wife" to do all this for me, for FREE.

[Anonymous]

No. I wouldn't want to SAHM either. I did for a year and it was not that pleasant. I felt under appreciated all the time and had constantly to prove everyone and myself I was doing an important job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I would. IF he truly provided all the child and household management. Shopping, meals, laundry, doctors, cleaning, etc. etc. I would love to have a "wife" to do all this for me, for FREE.

Most SAHMs don't all of this, and they complain about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm old and married, but if my DH wanted to drop out of the grind, I would be thrilled. Even though I would probably have to leave my fed job and jump into private practice to support us. I'm so tired of the grind and the juggling. Even if I had to join up as a relatively junior associate somewhere, I could probably double my current salary and dramatically improve our quality of life with him at home. The work would suck but I think it would be worth it.

For me. He would never go for it, sadly.

The work would suck and you could never divorce him. bad deal.

Why could you never divorce him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

The studies include the SAHM who stayed home because their income did not provide enough to pay for childcare.

The professionals turned SAHM with breadwinner DH on DCUM: HAPPY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No. I wouldn't want to SAHM either. I did for a year and it was not that pleasant. I felt under appreciated all the time and had constantly to prove everyone and myself I was doing an important job.

This. I have done it for 8 years, and yes, I have often felt underappreciated and invalidated, as if it's not a real job. It is a real job. I don't get paid, but it's a hell of a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

No. I feel everybody needs to work at least part time and then full time when the kids are in school. This is not gender specific.

[Anonymous]

I am a man with a SAHM wife. It works well for us.

However, I can understand the non-double standard for women not wanting a SAHD. Men, in general, are not as good at the details necessary to be a very good home-maker. The cooking and cleaning, sure. What about the art projects, the thank-you cards, the holiday event planning, the clothes shopping. That is also the role of a good SAH parent. It's not just about babysitting.

Even if he was good at all the above, I could see a woman finding this all too emasculating.

But, every family should do what works for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

I don't believe this study. Most Stay at home moms are very unhappy and miserable. Oh and entitled.

Uhhh, I think the study done 15 years ago reflected the fact that there were few SAHDs back then and as a group they tended to be looked down on by both men and women.

SAHDs were often excluded or made to feel awkward in "Mommy and me" type classes and generally the SAHMs preferred to get together with other moms for play dates leaving the SAHDs (and there kids) feeling isolated.

I think that has gotten better now - SAHDs are a little more accepted now.