Ladies, would you settle down with a man who wants to be a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

It's not a double standard. It is a lack of faith in an SAHD actually meeting the same standard as a mother. 10:14 hit the nail on the head. Most men aren't programmed that way.

Standards of a mother? Programmed????

There are different standards of what it takes to be a good mother and what it takes to be a good father in the day to day sense. SAHM are expected to do much more than babysit and I'd expect the same of a SAHD. I'd only marry a man who wanted to be a stay at home dad if he demonstrated a significant attention to household detail and vision for seeing what the next thing in the household is. Whether you want to accept it or not, most men are not raised with that level of detail/vision for the household and women are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real issue is that he's aiming to SAH and you aren't even married and do not have children yet. Red flag to me & I'm a SAHM. I was a professional when dating, first married & with one child. After that, we decided together that having me at home works best for our family. This decision took place well into our marriage with kids. I cannot imagine someone actually setting a goal of staying home. It's great if it works for you when faced with a variety of circumstances and choices. But I find it disconcerting that he's saying this is his "goal" from the outset.

Many women express that wish and are clear they are seeking a breadwinner DH. This is the flip but clearly does not work.

Most women are seeking ambitious husband not nessesary a breadwinner one.

What's the ultimate end goal of all that ambition, then? "Ambition" is a means, not an end. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't thought their life through very well.

Not really, they may want to save the world and may become a teacher, police officer, work in a lab (to cure cancer), or a non-profit helping the universe... ambitious not breadwinner.

I have never heard a woman swoon over a man because he was a teacher or worked at an NGO or found lab coats dashing...

You are an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real issue is that he's aiming to SAH and you aren't even married and do not have children yet. Red flag to me & I'm a SAHM. I was a professional when dating, first married & with one child. After that, we decided together that having me at home works best for our family. This decision took place well into our marriage with kids. I cannot imagine someone actually setting a goal of staying home. It's great if it works for you when faced with a variety of circumstances and choices. But I find it disconcerting that he's saying this is his "goal" from the outset.

Many women express that wish and are clear they are seeking a breadwinner DH. This is the flip but clearly does not work.

Most women are seeking ambitious husband not nessesary a breadwinner one.

What's the ultimate end goal of all that ambition, then? "Ambition" is a means, not an end. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't thought their life through very well.

Not really, they may want to save the world and may become a teacher, police officer, work in a lab (to cure cancer), or a non-profit helping the universe... ambitious not breadwinner.

I have never heard a woman swoon over a man because he was a teacher or worked at an NGO or found lab coats dashing...

Have you ever heard of women falling in love with painters, artists, dancers, actors, screen writers?

Only because they believe they will make it big in those winner-take-all field. If they knew thei 'actor ' was going to basically be a waiter who does community theater the rest of their life, they would flee. With a teacher, you know there is no pot of gold at end of rainbow.

So how would you explain the fact that every male teacher I know is married?

[Anonymous]

Well since they only work 180 days a year they have plenty of time to find a spouse I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real issue is that he's aiming to SAH and you aren't even married and do not have children yet. Red flag to me & I'm a SAHM. I was a professional when dating, first married & with one child. After that, we decided together that having me at home works best for our family. This decision took place well into our marriage with kids. I cannot imagine someone actually setting a goal of staying home. It's great if it works for you when faced with a variety of circumstances and choices. But I find it disconcerting that he's saying this is his "goal" from the outset.

Many women express that wish and are clear they are seeking a breadwinner DH. This is the flip but clearly does not work.

Most women are seeking ambitious husband not nessesary a breadwinner one.

What's the ultimate end goal of all that ambition, then? "Ambition" is a means, not an end. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't thought their life through very well.

Not really, they may want to save the world and may become a teacher, police officer, work in a lab (to cure cancer), or a non-profit helping the universe... ambitious not breadwinner.

I have never heard a woman swoon over a man because he was a teacher or worked at an NGO or found lab coats dashing...

You are an ass.

Hey, I am PP and I am a white coat scientist. I'm just saying it like it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

It's not a double standard. It is a lack of faith in an SAHD actually meeting the same standard as a mother. 10:14 hit the nail on the head. Most men aren't programmed that way.

Standards of a mother? Programmed????

There are different standards of what it takes to be a good mother and what it takes to be a good father in the day to day sense. SAHM are expected to do much more than babysit and I'd expect the same of a SAHD. I'd only marry a man who wanted to be a stay at home dad if he demonstrated a significant attention to household detail and vision for seeing what the next thing in the household is. Whether you want to accept it or not, most men are not raised with that level of detail/vision for the household and women are.

Not raised that way? So last generation SAHM are thwarting the next generation SAHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real issue is that he's aiming to SAH and you aren't even married and do not have children yet. Red flag to me & I'm a SAHM. I was a professional when dating, first married & with one child. After that, we decided together that having me at home works best for our family. This decision took place well into our marriage with kids. I cannot imagine someone actually setting a goal of staying home. It's great if it works for you when faced with a variety of circumstances and choices. But I find it disconcerting that he's saying this is his "goal" from the outset.

Many women express that wish and are clear they are seeking a breadwinner DH. This is the flip but clearly does not work.

Most women are seeking ambitious husband not nessesary a breadwinner one.

What's the ultimate end goal of all that ambition, then? "Ambition" is a means, not an end. Anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't thought their life through very well.

Not really, they may want to save the world and may become a teacher, police officer, work in a lab (to cure cancer), or a non-profit helping the universe... ambitious not breadwinner.

I have never heard a woman swoon over a man because he was a teacher or worked at an NGO or found lab coats dashing...

Swoon, maybe not, seek out... yes. I would run as far as I could from an "ambitious" guy who was arrogant/never sees his kids/never is home/etc. I would respect and seek out somebody with the same values as myself which is family time/giving back/doing for others/not being controlled by the dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

It's not a double standard. It is a lack of faith in an SAHD actually meeting the same standard as a mother. 10:14 hit the nail on the head. Most men aren't programmed that way.

Standards of a mother? Programmed????

There are different standards of what it takes to be a good mother and what it takes to be a good father in the day to day sense. SAHM are expected to do much more than babysit and I'd expect the same of a SAHD. I'd only marry a man who wanted to be a stay at home dad if he demonstrated a significant attention to household detail and vision for seeing what the next thing in the household is. Whether you want to accept it or not, most men are not raised with that level of detail/vision for the household and women are.

Not raised that way? So last generation SAHM are thwarting the next generation SAHD?

No- they were probably raised in a daycare and simply have no idea what a healthy SAHP life looks like.

[Anonymous]

If I made more money, I would love for my DH to stay at home. He's a great dad, and it would be amazing to have him care for the kids and all of their logistics and needs, along with some house and meal duties. Sign me up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

It's not a double standard. It is a lack of faith in an SAHD actually meeting the same standard as a mother. 10:14 hit the nail on the head. Most men aren't programmed that way.

Standards of a mother? Programmed????

There are different standards of what it takes to be a good mother and what it takes to be a good father in the day to day sense. SAHM are expected to do much more than babysit and I'd expect the same of a SAHD. I'd only marry a man who wanted to be a stay at home dad if he demonstrated a significant attention to household detail and vision for seeing what the next thing in the household is. Whether you want to accept it or not, most men are not raised with that level of detail/vision for the household and women are.

Not raised that way? So last generation SAHM are thwarting the next generation SAHD?

No- they were probably raised in a daycare and simply have no idea what a healthy SAHP life looks like.

Hah, no. Every guy I know with a SAHM has no clue about anything in the household -- growing up everything magically got done when he was at school, and his dad modeled the behavior that men work and women clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I made enough money, sure. However, he would have to do the management of the household, all of the childcare, cook, clean, doctors appts, etc. Basically everything a SAHM does. I know several women who have husbands who are SAHDs and they are lazy bums. The wife works a full time job and then does a ton of shit at home too that her husband should be doing since he has no job.

This has been my observation as well.

[Anonymous]

Hell no

[Anonymous]

I feel for all of you with SAHDs who don't actually do the work. Basically you have a pet. Mine is a fantastic cook, buys all the groceries, takes the kids to the park or the playgroup, etc. in the end it is about the man willing to accept a role that society has said is not for him, and in many ways continues to say based on some of the crap he hears. It takes a special man to embrace that and do that well. Mine dived right into it. Sexy? No not always. But I love that this is our shared life. And actually, certain things he does as a SAHD I find sexy as hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

Disagree. Most men don't want SAHMs either.

Not sure that's true. In my circle we are all well-educated women who had careers but now stay at home. It's very hard for two people to have the big job. My husband would support my decision either way but he admits he's very happy I am at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for all of you with SAHDs who don't actually do the work. Basically you have a pet. Mine is a fantastic cook, buys all the groceries, takes the kids to the park or the playgroup, etc. in the end it is about the man willing to accept a role that society has said is not for him, and in many ways continues to say based on some of the crap he hears. It takes a special man to embrace that and do that well. Mine dived right into it. Sexy? No not always. But I love that this is our shared life. And actually, certain things he does as a SAHD I find sexy as hell

Same here. Which is why I'm happy to have him as a SAHD. I'm concerned by the people who think all men can't handle it. What kind of lazy asses did you marry?