Ladies, would you settle down with a man who wants to be a SAHD?

[Anonymous]

If I made a lot more money, yes, during the early years. If he wants to stay home perminantly? No way! I would feel the same way if the roles were reversed too. I would judge any parent that stayed at home full time when kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

Disagree. Most men don't want SAHMs either.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

Disagree. Most men don't want SAHMs either.

All of my male friends avoid women that state they want to be SAHMs before the kids even arrive. I talked to one of them about it (because he makes serious money so could definitely afford to be the sole breadwinner) and he was actually open to the idea of his future hypothetical wife choosing to stay home with their hypothetical children once the kids actually, ya know, arrive. However, he wasn't interested in the kind of women that stated outright that they wouldn't be working once kids arrived before they were even on the horizon.

[Anonymous]

I know some parents that chose this route versus having a nanny raise their kid. It isn't that the man isn't ambitious, it is that they chose to prioritize their family and the wife happened to be the primary breadwinner. It works for them, similar to how men with stressful jobs find it helpful to have someone who takes care of the household, kids, and everything else to allow them to focus on their career. It wasn't necessarily the husbands goal in life- it just worked out that way. Both kids are well educated, well loved and amazing people.

[Anonymous]

I had a good friend who was basically looking for this. She was a high powered attorney and didn't want to get stuck doing the grunt work of motherhood because she knew she didn't have the bandwidth. So she wanted a guy with a more flexible, laid back job, or a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'm old and married, but if my DH wanted to drop out of the grind, I would be thrilled. Even though I would probably have to leave my fed job and jump into private practice to support us. I'm so tired of the grind and the juggling. Even if I had to join up as a relatively junior associate somewhere, I could probably double my current salary and dramatically improve our quality of life with him at home. The work would suck but I think it would be worth it.

For me. He would never go for it, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

Why? My DH would never have married a woman who wanted to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I'm old and married, but if my DH wanted to drop out of the grind, I would be thrilled. Even though I would probably have to leave my fed job and jump into private practice to support us. I'm so tired of the grind and the juggling. Even if I had to join up as a relatively junior associate somewhere, I could probably double my current salary and dramatically improve our quality of life with him at home. The work would suck but I think it would be worth it.

For me. He would never go for it, sadly.

The work would suck and you could never divorce him. bad deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting double standard here.

I agree. It's pretty remarkable.

Double standard? Who cares. Double standards exist all the time - men fight in combat, women don't (for now).

I don't think anyone should be a SAH parent if it's going to be a conflict, though.

I'm pretty sure most men wouldn't be interested in a woman if her goal was to be a SAHM either. It usually happens bc circumstances or a mother doesn't want to leave her baby to return to work, which is a completely normal feeling.

But a man whose aim is to be a SAHD? LOL. What a lazy ass!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make plenty so it's financially feasible and I do want a family, but I feel like more and more men are using the "I'm a feminist and I'd like to raise kids" excuse to cover for their lack of ambition and success.

+1 There was a study that came out about 15 years ago that showed that women that stay home to raise kids were happier than women who worked (no judgment, just repeating what I heard on NPR) while men who stay home were miserable compared to men who work.

maybe women who are more traditional. I'd be miserable at home but my DH would like the non working thing. Our youngest is 14 though, ain't gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

No, and I definitely have a double standard. I wouldn't marry a man who wanted to be a SAHD, but I also wouldn't marry a man who wasn't open to me being a SAHM.

I don't see any issue with that double standard. I'm interested in political and social equality, but in my relationship, I'm interested in creating a life we both love. Fairness and equality aren't the same thing. I wanted someone who shares my values, so it would be stupid to marry someone who didn't share that double standard.

[Anonymous]

If we could afford it, and he showed great aptitude for homemaking and childrearing, absolutely. I'd love it (have always said I needed a "wife")!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would as long as he demonstrates the ability to do so well before the kids come along.