I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't agree to exclusivity until my DH proposed. I wasn't interested in being tied down with no real commitment.

You're lucky he married you. That kind of thinking shows a real inability to trust and suggests you don't have the basic emotional skills needed for a healthy relationship. Sorry, but you shouldn't be proud of that it's not too late for therapy at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Yes, they do. You just didn't, and you paid the price. Own it.

Yes. Quit trying to pin it on how things are done today. You're wrong. If you liked this girl and didn't want her dating around you should have said so by now. And don't ruin it by getting whiny and possessive about the sex stuff. Grow up. You're 34. And I think the fact that you're ignoring her now and making her wait to even talk you're risking it. If it were me I'd feel like you're trying to punish me and I'd start thinking that maybe you aren't someone I want to be exclusive with. Heartbroken? Geeze.

+1. Women get treated like their crazy if they try and "tie a dude down" with exclusivity too soon which leads to a lot of women not wanting to be the one to bring it up. If you didn't state you wanted to be exclusive, if you didn't even bring it up as a topic of discussion, you weren't exclusive and she was free to date around.

If I were her, you ignoring me for days afterwards and not taking my calls would piss me right the hell off and I would be cutting ties with you ASAP.

No you would play him a long a but more...why but he is nit going anywhere....you can call him when you are bored.

Please go back to 4chan where you belong.

[Anonymous]

Op ignore the people telling you to write her off.

I am super monogamous, take sex very seriously (don't sleep around), and prefer to date on person at once.

But if a guy has not discussed exclusivity with me, I would feel like I should keep my options open.

If exclusivity when having sex is important to you, bring it up before you sleep with the person. That is what I do. No way do I want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pull the plug.

You need to have an abundance mentality -- "there are lots of amazing women I could date" -- not a scarcity mentality -- "there is only one amazing woman, and oh no I lost her".

"Not seeing other women" was your first mistake.

If you really like the other person you aren't going to date other people. By the 3rd date I would have asked if they are seeing other people, make it clear you don't want to waste your time if that person wants to date casually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't agree to exclusivity until my DH proposed. I wasn't interested in being tied down with no real commitment.

You're lucky he married you. That kind of thinking shows a real inability to trust and suggests you don't have the basic emotional skills needed for a healthy relationship. Sorry, but you shouldn't be proud of that it's not too late for therapy at least.

LOL! We've been happily married for 24 years but thanks for the concern!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Im going to ca her back and be candid about my feelings for her. What worries me is if she is having sex with others. I know I don't have any claim but it upsets me to think of her fucking another guy.

Yeah but you have to communicate about that.

Dont be angry or possessive.

He caught feelings so its normal to be possessive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't agree to exclusivity until my DH proposed. I wasn't interested in being tied down with no real commitment.

You're lucky he married you. That kind of thinking shows a real inability to trust and suggests you don't have the basic emotional skills needed for a healthy relationship. Sorry, but you shouldn't be proud of that it's not too late for therapy at least.

LOL! We've been happily married for 24 years but thanks for the concern!

So you continued dating/sleeping with other men while you were dating even when you were exclusive with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Im going to ca her back and be candid about my feelings for her. What worries me is if she is having sex with others. I know I don't have any claim but it upsets me to think of her fucking another guy.

Yeah but you have to communicate about that.

Dont be angry or possessive.

He caught feelings so its normal to be possessive

you can't catch feelings these days with 21st century broads. OP needs to keep dating her, but don't bring this up and just go on dates with other women. The moment you bring up exclusivity, no good can come from this.

either she says 'no' and doesn't want to see op anymore because he caught feelings and there's a risk of him being 'clingy'

Or

she says 'ok' but will now know she has the upper hand on OP for the rest of the time they are together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't agree to exclusivity until my DH proposed. I wasn't interested in being tied down with no real commitment.

You're lucky he married you. That kind of thinking shows a real inability to trust and suggests you don't have the basic emotional skills needed for a healthy relationship. Sorry, but you shouldn't be proud of that it's not too late for therapy at least.

LOL! We've been happily married for 24 years but thanks for the concern!

So you continued dating/sleeping with other men while you were dating even when you were exclusive with him?

Learn reading comprehension. I didn't agree to exclusivity.

[Anonymous]

Where is the update, OP? It's Tuesday and you discovered this Saturday.

[Anonymous]

If you haven't talked to her, how do you know it was a date? Could it be an office dinner date? A cousin/brother/other relative or friend from her past that just happens to be a good looking guy?

Assumption makes an ass out of you and her. Give her a chance to explain herself if you like her as much as you say you do.

[Anonymous]

Wait a minute, you just assumed she knew you were exclusive??WTF. I hope she is seeing someone else, and gets away from you, since you seem insecure and immature.

In this day and age, why didnt you the talk about being exclusive, if for nothing else, for the sexual part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why you use a condom until you have the discussion of not seeing anyone else. It is not something people skip doing "these days". I am in my 30s. Everyone has the "so are you seeing other people? bc i'd like it to just be me" talk. EVERYONE.

Yes, it sucks you saw her with someone else. Yes it sucks you've been on such a promising track and it appears she's still shopping around. If you aren't ok with that, that's ok. End it.

But she wasn't cheating on you.

Um, IMO you sound fairly ignorant if you toss the condom once / as soon as you have the "exclusivity talk" ... you may want to do a little reading up on STDs etc., the time frame is not as convenient as you may think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait a minute, you just assumed she knew you were exclusive??WTF. I hope she is seeing someone else, and gets away from you, since you seem insecure and immature.

In this day and age, why didnt you the talk about being exclusive, if for nothing else, for the sexual part.

$20 says he didn't WANT to have the exclusivity talk because he wanted to keep his options open but is pissed that she took the opportunity to go see what is out there as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Im going to ca her back and be candid about my feelings for her. What worries me is if she is having sex with others. I know I don't have any claim but it upsets me to think of her fucking another guy.

Yeah but you have to communicate about that.

Dont be angry or possessive.

He caught feelings so its normal to be possessive

you can't catch feelings these days with 21st century broads. OP needs to keep dating her, but don't bring this up and just go on dates with other women. The moment you bring up exclusivity, no good can come from this.

either she says 'no' and doesn't want to see op anymore because he caught feelings and there's a risk of him being 'clingy'

Or

she says 'ok' but will now know she has the upper hand on OP for the rest of the time they are together.

Op please ignore this poster. You've been dating for over two months. It's very possible she wants you to bring up exclusivity. Just do it in a sweet way, not an angry way.