I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

This is why you use a condom until you have the discussion of not seeing anyone else. It is not something people skip doing "these days". I am in my 30s. Everyone has the "so are you seeing other people? bc i'd like it to just be me" talk. EVERYONE.

Yes, it sucks you saw her with someone else. Yes it sucks you've been on such a promising track and it appears she's still shopping around. If you aren't ok with that, that's ok. End it.

But she wasn't cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. You should have manned up and told her you wanted to be with her. Sounds like she's the kind of girl who doesn't have any issues getting dates and she hasn't done anything wrong, so it's actually on you to fix this.

There are some misogynists on this discussion - ignore them.

[Anonymous]

My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Yes, they do. You just didn't, and you paid the price. Own it.

Yes. Quit trying to pin it on how things are done today. You're wrong. If you liked this girl and didn't want her dating around you should have said so by now. And don't ruin it by getting whiny and possessive about the sex stuff. Grow up. You're 34. And I think the fact that you're ignoring her now and making her wait to even talk you're risking it. If it were me I'd feel like you're trying to punish me and I'd start thinking that maybe you aren't someone I want to be exclusive with. Heartbroken? Geeze.

+1. Women get treated like their crazy if they try and "tie a dude down" with exclusivity too soon which leads to a lot of women not wanting to be the one to bring it up. If you didn't state you wanted to be exclusive, if you didn't even bring it up as a topic of discussion, you weren't exclusive and she was free to date around.

If I were her, you ignoring me for days afterwards and not taking my calls would piss me right the hell off and I would be cutting ties with you ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why hadn't you asked her out on a date for Saturday night? Prime day night and you were hanging out with your buddies?

This.

[Anonymous]

On the second date with DW she informed me she was dating two other guys. I would see her probably three times a week, she must have spent no time alone. After a couple weeks I told her I wanted to be exclusive and if she wanted to continue to date other guys that is fine but I would no longer be one of them. She actually called both of them from my place to tell them it was over, I didn't ask for that. You need to be upfront about your intentions. Your Gf might want to be exclusive but until you mention it she isn't going to stop. I am sure my DW would have kept dating the other guys if I never said anything

[Anonymous]

I didn't agree to exclusivity until my DH proposed. I wasn't interested in being tied down with no real commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

This is so full of crap... not until the alter eh? what about when you proposed? You obviously discussed it in some way and now you are just being intentionally dense...

If you are unable to communicate what you want and need, no one is going to just give it to you

[Anonymous]

Pull the plug.

You need to have an abundance mentality -- "there are lots of amazing women I could date" -- not a scarcity mentality -- "there is only one amazing woman, and oh no I lost her".

"Not seeing other women" was your first mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

This is so full of crap... not until the alter eh? what about when you proposed? You obviously discussed it in some way and now you are just being intentionally dense...

If you are unable to communicate what you want and need, no one is going to just give it to you

At some point in time there was an implied exclusivity while my wife and I were dating. Hell, an engagement is also a pretty strong statement of exclusivity, but We never sat down and discussed it. I guess early in our relationship she saw me ignoring booty call texts/calls I was getting in the middle of the night, but we never actually discussed exclusivity. Not sure why you think this a load of crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

OP you said "What worries me is if she is having sex with others" so why are you getting upset with this PP who never implied that she is sleeping around.

You are quickly loosing any sympathy you had with this crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Yes, they do. You just didn't, and you paid the price. Own it.

Yes. Quit trying to pin it on how things are done today. You're wrong. If you liked this girl and didn't want her dating around you should have said so by now. And don't ruin it by getting whiny and possessive about the sex stuff. Grow up. You're 34. And I think the fact that you're ignoring her now and making her wait to even talk you're risking it. If it were me I'd feel like you're trying to punish me and I'd start thinking that maybe you aren't someone I want to be exclusive with. Heartbroken? Geeze.

+1. Women get treated like their crazy if they try and "tie a dude down" with exclusivity too soon which leads to a lot of women not wanting to be the one to bring it up. If you didn't state you wanted to be exclusive, if you didn't even bring it up as a topic of discussion, you weren't exclusive and she was free to date around.

If I were her, you ignoring me for days afterwards and not taking my calls would piss me right the hell off and I would be cutting ties with you ASAP.

No you would play him a long a but more...why but he is nit going anywhere....you can call him when you are bored.

[Anonymous]

If I was dating someone for 2 months and it was going really well I would assume they weren't seeing anyone else. That being said I also wouldn't sleep with them until we were exclusive.

OP should call her and see what she has to say.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a pretty simple convo...

I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, but I don't see other women and I thought we were exclusive. When I saw you out the other night, I realized we didn't really talk about it and aren't on the same page, so where do you see our relationship going?

I was dating someone who didn't want to be exclusive, until the day he saw me out with another man. Then all of a sudden he decided he wanted to be exclusive with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

This is so full of crap... not until the alter eh? what about when you proposed? You obviously discussed it in some way and now you are just being intentionally dense...

If you are unable to communicate what you want and need, no one is going to just give it to you

At some point in time there was an implied exclusivity while my wife and I were dating. Hell, an engagement is also a pretty strong statement of exclusivity, but We never sat down and discussed it. I guess early in our relationship she saw me ignoring booty call texts/calls I was getting in the middle of the night, but we never actually discussed exclusivity. Not sure why you think this a load of crap.

The way this person worded it, at least you can admit that engagement/ proposal would at least count... the poster above stated it wasn't til they said their vows, come on now