Reply to Why did you cheat on your spouse?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Depressions, anxiety, unresolved issues with self esteem from childhood.

I think most people having affairs are fooling themselves that it is about sex. [/quote]

PP here.  Let me ask you.  Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you considered an affair.  If not, I am not sure you are in any position to tell anyone whether they are fooling themselves.  I did not have any of the issues that you cited. I just wanted to screw on a regular basis.  After intervention and pleading, spouse still refused.

So to turn your phrase, some of you who think that every affair is about more than sex are fooling themselves also.  Some folks enjoy a healthy sex life and just want to f*ck.[/quote]

Consider, no.... offers, many.

I am in a reasonable position because I have rarely counseled a couple that is dealing with an affair where the cheater does not have unresolved issues, they won't admit it, they blame others for their problem... but they have issues.

You may have the issues but you don't know it or don't accept it, it is not in the norm to put your "screwing" above the needs of others. You think you have it all figured out, you sound delusional.

Maybe you should ask a professional their opinion, have you ever done that?[/quote]

What needs of others have [b][u]I[/u][/b] put screwing above?  Do [b][u]my needs[/u][/b] matter at all - especially when [b][u]I[/u] [/b]articulated [b][u]my[/u] [/b]unhappiness to my spouse for YEARS.  That is part of the problem [b][u]I[/u] [/b]have with this armchair diagnosis.  Am [b][u]I[/u] [/b]wrong for doing what [b][u]I[/u] [/b]have done?  Sure in the traditional sense.  If [b][u]I[/u] [/b]knew then what [b][u]I[/u] [/b]know now,[b][u] I[/u][/b] would have just divorced my spouse.  But you all need to stop vilifying people who think that sex and intimancy should be a nomal part of a relationship.  Everyone want to blame the cheater while brushing off some of the reasons that the marriage got to that point.  Some people are horndogs who would cheat otherwise.  Not everyone is.

Sure [b][u]I[/u][/b] have.  But the professional did not tell me that[b][u] I[/u] [/b]was delusional or sick because societal norms implied that[b][u] I[/u][/b] was.  She told me that the desire for regular intimacy was normal and an integral part of any marriage.  What[b] [u]I[/u] [/b]wanted was not strange or irregular.  She urged to me to consider divorce which [b][u]I[/u][/b] did not do. [/quote]

Yea... no ego or selfishness issues there. You need a less passive therapist that will actually confront you about your problems.[/quote]

I don't see this as selfish, recognizing that there is something that you need in your life to feel fulfilled is not selfish, its healthy.  What I love about these posts is transpose something others than sex that is important: I need to know that I can trust you when something goes wrong, I need you to listen to what I am saying when I talk about all the hard things going on in my mind and know that it doesn't change how you feel about me.  I need your emotional support because my family are all asseholes, I need to feel like you respect my opinion and value what I have to say about our life decisions.........  Do any of these things make you an ego centric or selfish?   I don't think so, but sex does?.........[/quote]

+1.  If I were complaining about DH and his lack of support raising the kids (see other thread) and pleaded with DH for 2-3 years about (including counseling and other things) PP's would have a completely different view of me.  But because it is about sex, I am a sociopath who need professional help. GTOFH! [/quote]

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