Underemployed boyfriend-wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a gold-digger for wanting a guy who is more ambitious.

No, I'm not a ge digger. That's such an awful thing to say. I love this guy and want to marry him. It just bugs me because he seems like he is afraid to really put himself out there and know what he wants and get it. He isn't stupid; he has a masters degree from a great program. He is just too intimidated to get out there and figure out a career path that's lucrative.

If he isn't asking you for gas money or help with his personal finances, I don't see the problem with him. He is not as ambitious as you would like but maybe he is happy and lives to make you happy. I agree that you should let him go because you will resent him and he could really be making some woman happy that wants to make him happy. My husband is just like your BF and he makes me over the moon happy. I make my own money so the fact that he makes decent money but less than me doesn't bother me because he helps out with the kids, cooks, cleans, and does everything he can to make my life easier. I will take him every day over the lawyer I dated in my 20s who was a miserable person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Then she should go out and test the market, see what kind of a "high flying" career sex with her can attract

Those are your words.

No they're not. Obviously you struggle with reading comprehension, but why don't you take another crack at her original post?

He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a gold-digger for wanting a guy who is more ambitious.

No, I'm not a ge digger. That's such an awful thing to say. I love this guy and want to marry him. It just bugs me because he seems like he is afraid to really put himself out there and know what he wants and get it. He isn't stupid; he has a masters degree from a great program. He is just too intimidated to get out there and figure out a career path that's lucrative.

If he isn't asking you for gas money or help with his personal finances, I don't see the problem with him. He is not as ambitious as you would like but maybe he is happy and lives to make you happy. I agree that you should let him go because you will resent him and he could really be making some woman happy that wants to make him happy. My husband is just like your BF and he makes me over the moon happy. I make my own money so the fact that he makes decent money but less than me doesn't bother me because he helps out with the kids, cooks, cleans, and does everything he can to make my life easier. I will take him every day over the lawyer I dated in my 20s who was a miserable person.

No he is fully responsible and always provides for me the best he can. I just...don't feel inspired by him or am in awe of him or something. I see how one of my friends talks about her husband. It's like she's in awe of how resourceful and powerful he is (even though he's s shitty shitty partner/husband) and she loves him because of his drive and ambition. I just don't feel awed by my boyfriend. In fact it's me who's alwYs telling him ways to get ahead at his career or plan for retirement etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP never mentioned what her man does or how much he makes yet she's been called names for having concerns about his earning power and lack of ambition. If anyone is being obtuse, its people like yourself. Clearly she's not out for his money or else she wouldn't have given him the time of day!

Then she should go out and test the market, see what kind of a "high flying" career sex with her can attract. It's, you know, having integrity. Instead of coming here and bitching about how he has little ambition. That's like me dating my wife, but bitching how her tits aren't big enough and her ass isn't tight enough.

Those are your words. she didn't say the man had to be a CEO. A man who makes 30K doesn't make enough for me to consider dating. It doesn't mean that I'm after someone earning 300K either (I'm not). I have a career and always will, but I'm not interested in working harder to compensate for a man who lacks ambition. I was happy at my first job out of undergrad at a non-profit making 28K. I left because it wasn't enough money to live decently in this area. I would expect the same from my partner.

OP here. That's what I mean exactly. I don't need my SO to be a multimillionaire CEO. I just feel like given our plans of wanting to live in this area and raise kids here he needs to be bringing in more than just 60k a year. It wouldn't matter if I could see that he'd make much more money in a few years but I don't think his field (risk management and compliance) will necessarily do that. This area is very expensive and I've seen people adjust career goals to better position themselves to live here. Change careers; get another degree; switch to a more lucrative friend etc. every time I've suggested something he is very resistant and then talks about so. and so. Is too expensive to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a gold-digger for wanting a guy who is more ambitious.

No, I'm not a ge digger. That's such an awful thing to say. I love this guy and want to marry him. It just bugs me because he seems like he is afraid to really put himself out there and know what he wants and get it. He isn't stupid; he has a masters degree from a great program. He is just too intimidated to get out there and figure out a career path that's lucrative.

If he isn't asking you for gas money or help with his personal finances, I don't see the problem with him. He is not as ambitious as you would like but maybe he is happy and lives to make you happy. I agree that you should let him go because you will resent him and he could really be making some woman happy that wants to make him happy. My husband is just like your BF and he makes me over the moon happy. I make my own money so the fact that he makes decent money but less than me doesn't bother me because he helps out with the kids, cooks, cleans, and does everything he can to make my life easier. I will take him every day over the lawyer I dated in my 20s who was a miserable person.

No he is fully responsible and always provides for me the best he can. I just...don't feel inspired by him or am in awe of him or something. I see how one of my friends talks about her husband. It's like she's in awe of how resourceful and powerful he is (even though he's s shitty shitty partner/husband) and she loves him because of his drive and ambition. I just don't feel awed by my boyfriend. In fact it's me who's alwYs telling him ways to get ahead at his career or plan for retirement etc.

So let him go. It's not his job to "awe" you. If you can't accept him as a partner then please allow some other woman to have him.

Honestly, you seem very immature. Go out and find some dude to awe you and treat you like shit like your friend's AWEsome husband. Sounds to me like you just want someone who you can derive your own self worth from.

[Anonymous]

You guys sound totally incompatible. You shouldn't get married to someone you don't respect. It will drive you crazy. And your boyfriend deserves to be with someone who appreciates him. You can't nag him into being someone he's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a gold-digger for wanting a guy who is more ambitious.

No, I'm not a ge digger. That's such an awful thing to say. I love this guy and want to marry him. It just bugs me because he seems like he is afraid to really put himself out there and know what he wants and get it. He isn't stupid; he has a masters degree from a great program. He is just too intimidated to get out there and figure out a career path that's lucrative.

If he isn't asking you for gas money or help with his personal finances, I don't see the problem with him. He is not as ambitious as you would like but maybe he is happy and lives to make you happy. I agree that you should let him go because you will resent him and he could really be making some woman happy that wants to make him happy. My husband is just like your BF and he makes me over the moon happy. I make my own money so the fact that he makes decent money but less than me doesn't bother me because he helps out with the kids, cooks, cleans, and does everything he can to make my life easier. I will take him every day over the lawyer I dated in my 20s who was a miserable person.

No he is fully responsible and always provides for me the best he can. I just...don't feel inspired by him or am in awe of him or something. I see how one of my friends talks about her husband. It's like she's in awe of how resourceful and powerful he is (even though he's s shitty shitty partner/husband) and she loves him because of his drive and ambition. I just don't feel awed by my boyfriend. In fact it's me who's alwYs telling him ways to get ahead at his career or plan for retirement etc.

I am the PP and that is why I think you should just move on because I am in awe of my DH because of how much love he gives me and how much better my life is with him around. He is not irresponsible with his money though and when we go out to eat he often pays so I never feel burdened by his lower salary. The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans. Irresponsibility with money would be a deal breaker for me but not having a high flying career would not.

[Anonymous]

Honestly? $60k isn't THAT bad. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

it's affecting our sex life

Calling BS on this.
You don't respect him. Not saying if you should of should not. Either change or break up, both of you finding a better match.

I can't understand the vile responses on here.

OP - ignore the haters.

I am in the exact same situation. BF had way too much fun in college and came from a rich family, got bad grades, and now has a crappy job. He makes no money. I make (I guess) at least 4x what he makes. Many of his friends were successful, his siblings are successful... and because his parents are retired and he's out of college, they no longer give him a generous allowance..

The sex life is great - but many times, he gets depressed and the sex life suffers. I suspect that because of the money thing, he feels like less of a man.

I love him, and I'm hoping he figures it out on his own (sooner than later). I don't really have any advice for you, as I also try to be encouraging, but it doesn't seem to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. That's what I mean exactly. I don't need my SO to be a multimillionaire CEO. I just feel like given our plans of wanting to live in this area and raise kids here he needs to be bringing in more than just 60k a year. It wouldn't matter if I could see that he'd make much more money in a few years but I don't think his field (risk management and compliance) will necessarily do that. This area is very expensive and I've seen people adjust career goals to better position themselves to live here. Change careers; get another degree; switch to a more lucrative friend etc. every time I've suggested something he is very resistant and then talks about so. and so. Is too expensive to do.

How much money do YOU make, OP? How high flying is YOUR career. If money is the be all and end all for you then why don't YOU make it?

Seriously, you're becoming less and less likable with every post. This has nothing to do with your desire to see you BF achieve his potential at all. It's just about him providing a bigger salary for you to live on.

Can you imagine if some dude posted here lamenting that his wife only earned $60K and he felt she wasn't making enough to support his desired lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

it's affecting our sex life

Calling BS on this.
You don't respect him. Not saying if you should of should not. Either change or break up, both of you finding a better match.

I can't understand the vile responses on here.

OP - ignore the haters.

I am in the exact same situation. BF had way too much fun in college and came from a rich family, got bad grades, and now has a crappy job. He makes no money. I make (I guess) at least 4x what he makes. Many of his friends were successful, his siblings are successful... and because his parents are retired and he's out of college, they no longer give him a generous allowance..

The sex life is great - but many times, he gets depressed and the sex life suffers. I suspect that because of the money thing, he feels like less of a man.

I love him, and I'm hoping he figures it out on his own (sooner than later). I don't really have any advice for you, as I also try to be encouraging, but it doesn't seem to help.

Well my BF doesn't come from a rich family but his parents invested all their money in educating their kids so he went to really good schools growing up. All his friends and fraternity brothers now have good careers and are gearing up to propose to their girlfriends. He says he is too broke to propose and plan a wedding. It's just that everything is coming together in a really frustrating mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

it's affecting our sex life

Calling BS on this.
You don't respect him. Not saying if you should of should not. Either change or break up, both of you finding a better match.

I can't understand the vile responses on here.

OP - ignore the haters.

I am in the exact same situation. BF had way too much fun in college and came from a rich family, got bad grades, and now has a crappy job. He makes no money. I make (I guess) at least 4x what he makes. Many of his friends were successful, his siblings are successful... and because his parents are retired and he's out of college, they no longer give him a generous allowance..

The sex life is great - but many times, he gets depressed and the sex life suffers. I suspect that because of the money thing, he feels like less of a man.

I love him, and I'm hoping he figures it out on his own (sooner than later). I don't really have any advice for you, as I also try to be encouraging, but it doesn't seem to help.

Well my BF doesn't come from a rich family but his parents invested all their money in educating their kids so he went to really good schools growing up. All his friends and fraternity brothers now have good careers and are gearing up to propose to their girlfriends. He says he is too broke to propose and plan a wedding. It's just that everything is coming together in a really frustrating mix.

Yup. Same here. BF just came back from a wedding, and it was a reunion of sorts with his frat brothers. He had a lot of fun, but it definitely made him depressed.
His friends are great and tried to encourage him as well, but he can't help being jealout of their success.

We should get in touch and commisserate..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: In fact it's me who's alwYs telling him ways to get ahead at his career or plan for retirement etc.

I'd tell you to hit the road so fast if you acted like that, would that awe you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am the PP and that is why I think you should just move on because I am in awe of my DH because of how much love he gives me and how much better my life is with him around. He is not irresponsible with his money though and when we go out to eat he often pays so I never feel burdened by his lower salary. The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans. Irresponsibility with money would be a deal breaker for me but not having a high flying career would not.

Wow, you're quite the disgrace yourself. "I'm not burdened by his low salary because he pays for everything." Plus "The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans." LOL, you are quite the peach.

This thread just reinforces the fact that men should never get married.

[Anonymous]

You want to be "in awe of" your BF? OMG, forward him this link and let HIM break up with YOU. Free him if a life of misery!