Underemployed boyfriend-wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am in the exact same situation. BF had way too much fun in college and came from a rich family, got bad grades, and now has a crappy job. He makes no money. I make (I guess) at least 4x what he makes. Many of his friends were successful, his siblings are successful... and because his parents are retired and he's out of college, they no longer give him a generous allowance..

LOL, so you're dating a lazy, spoiled POS who used to get an allowance? Just incredible, when you think this thread couldn't get any better.

The sex life is great - but many times, he gets depressed and the sex life suffers. I suspect that because of the money thing, he feels like less of a man.

INCREDIBLE! Boy, you think? Quite the guy you're dating here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my BF doesn't come from a rich family but his parents invested all their money in educating their kids so he went to really good schools growing up. All his friends and fraternity brothers now have good careers and are gearing up to propose to their girlfriends. He says he is too broke to propose and plan a wedding. It's just that everything is coming together in a really frustrating mix.

Boo freaking hoo. Don't like it? Go test the market.

[Anonymous]

I dated a very successful guy. He was wealthy. He had degrees from top schools. He was also an ego maniac who treated me like shit.

Fast forward to present day, I have the best boyfriend. He may not be wealthy or own his own company but I could not ask for someone to treat me better. He loves me with all his heart.

I love him very much. I admire him for the person who is now and not what he could be.

OP, please let some other woman date this man. She will appreciate and respect all his good qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a very successful guy. He was wealthy. He had degrees from top schools. He was also an ego maniac who treated me like shit.

Fast forward to present day, I have the best boyfriend. He may not be wealthy or own his own company but I could not ask for someone to treat me better. He loves me with all his heart.

I love him very much. I admire him for the person who is now and not what he could be.

OP, please let some other woman date this man. She will appreciate and respect all his good qualities.

God bless you. ~A man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career.[b] He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

NP here. I'm seeing OP's post much differently from all PPs. I don't think a woman posted this. I think the unambitious BF of a frequent DCUM poster posted this.

Would she say "goes through hell to ensure that I am happy and satisfied"? That sounds like the cry of a boyfriend who feels unappreciated, not the dispassionate evaluation of an ambivalent girlfriend.

Would she use the term "high-flying career", to describe what she wishes he had? That sounds more like the vague description by an insecure boyfriend of what he thinks his girlfriend wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career.[b] He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

NP here. I'm seeing OP's post much differently from all PPs. I don't think a woman posted this. I think the unambitious BF of a frequent DCUM poster posted this.

Would she say "goes through hell to ensure that I am happy and satisfied"? That sounds like the cry of a boyfriend who feels unappreciated, not the dispassionate evaluation of an ambivalent girlfriend.

Would she use the term "high-flying career", to describe what she wishes he had? That sounds more like the vague description by an insecure boyfriend of what he thinks his girlfriend wants.

Interesting. I could see this. Not sure though, and I think the answer is the same to either of them. This relationship ain't gonna work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career.[b] He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

NP here. I'm seeing OP's post much differently from all PPs. I don't think a woman posted this. I think the unambitious BF of a frequent DCUM poster posted this.

Would she say "goes through hell to ensure that I am happy and satisfied"? That sounds like the cry of a boyfriend who feels unappreciated, not the dispassionate evaluation of an ambivalent girlfriend.

Would she use the term "high-flying career", to describe what she wishes he had? That sounds more like the vague description by an insecure boyfriend of what he thinks his girlfriend wants.

I see how you could get that from the original post. But I have to say the follow-ups do sound more like they were written by a woman about her BF. But you never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the PP and that is why I think you should just move on because I am in awe of my DH because of how much love he gives me and how much better my life is with him around. He is not irresponsible with his money though and when we go out to eat he often pays so I never feel burdened by his lower salary. The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans. Irresponsibility with money would be a deal breaker for me but not having a high flying career would not.

Wow, you're quite the disgrace yourself. "I'm not burdened by his low salary because he pays for everything." Plus "The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans." LOL, you are quite the peach.

This thread just reinforces the fact that men should never get married.

Disgrace? Oh my fucking God. I seriously hope no woman married you and you are still trapped playing video games in your mother's basement because you sound like an asshole and a female hater. WTF is wrong with you? Your entire argument consists of a childish "LOL" and a old person "you are quite the peach" Are you confused? DId you not take your medication today? I love how you artfully redacted and misquoted what I said- when the fuck did I say he pays for everything? The OP sounds as if she will be burdened by her BF so she should let him go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. That's what I mean exactly. I don't need my SO to be a multimillionaire CEO. I just feel like given our plans of wanting to live in this area and raise kids here he needs to be bringing in more than just 60k a year. It wouldn't matter if I could see that he'd make much more money in a few years but I don't think his field (risk management and compliance) will necessarily do that. This area is very expensive and I've seen people adjust career goals to better position themselves to live here. Change careers; get another degree; switch to a more lucrative friend etc. every time I've suggested something he is very resistant and then talks about so. and so. Is too expensive to do.

OP, you CANNOT will someone to be ambitious. That person has to want it for him/herself. No matter how you phrase the question, people are going to tell you the same thing. If my husband told me I needed to get a job in consulting, become an independent contractor, travel for work, or move into management etc so we could live the lifestyle he envisions I would tell him where to go. Ultimately, I have to want it because I'm the one that has to actually do the job day in and day out and do it well with a positive attitude so I stay employed. I don't know how much more clearly people can say it, it's akin to telling your child that is an artist that she has to study mechanical engineering in college or you won't help pay for it. Usually those stories don't end with the child finishing college, being employed in that field and being happy.

In the DC area I know quite a few women that make more than their husband so I don't think that is uncommon. I can think of atleast 4 women that I work with that the husband works a job that is shift work while the wife is a white collar professional likely making six figures. And yes it is possible to live off the 60K your boyfriend makes plus what you are making and have kids but you have to make compromises. There was a single mom on DCUM that made somewhere between 60-80K that I think owned her own home (maybe it was in Prince George County where housing is less expensive). If you are serious about this start posting in the sections on where to live with a budget of X. With schools, you can look into charters/magnets, affordable private schools, you working at a school that gives tuition discounts ...etc. You could rent instead of buying or buy further out. No you aren't going to be able to buy a big house, close-in, and be a SAHM with this boyfriend and it doesn't matter if every single one of his friends, his siblings, his next door neighbor growing up, his fraternity brothers, his best friend's brother-in-law's cousin all managed to have these kicking careers that allow for that lifestyle ... that isn't your path with your boyfriend and all the wishing in the world ain't changing it. It's like when I hear Snookie from Jersey Shore earned 30K for a public speaking appearance or the owner of grumpy cat made millions off her cat, I think great for them and cynically wonder for a moment where did I go wrong ...and then I move on because really their life has nothing to do with my reality.

If your boyfriend is delaying proposing because he is trying to get his finances straight but is making no moves towards getting them straight, that is where I would have the problem. If someone is saying that they want to have xyz done before getting married but are making no moves to get that done, that means to me that aren't really motivated to get married ...or atleast not to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am the PP and that is why I think you should just move on because I am in awe of my DH because of how much love he gives me and how much better my life is with him around. He is not irresponsible with his money though and when we go out to eat he often pays so I never feel burdened by his lower salary. The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans. Irresponsibility with money would be a deal breaker for me but not having a high flying career would not.

Wow, you're quite the disgrace yourself. "I'm not burdened by his low salary because he pays for everything." Plus "The only time his salary ever bothered me is when we couldn't qualify for a bigger house but I realized that the real reason we didn't qualify is because of all my student loans." LOL, you are quite the peach.

This thread just reinforces the fact that men should never get married.

PP is fine and being honest. You're just an ass looking for a slight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated a very successful guy. He was wealthy. He had degrees from top schools. He was also an ego maniac who treated me like shit.

Fast forward to present day, I have the best boyfriend. He may not be wealthy or own his own company but I could not ask for someone to treat me better. He loves me with all his heart.

I love him very much. I admire him for the person who is now and not what he could be.

OP, please let some other woman date this man. She will appreciate and respect all his good qualities.

God bless you. ~A man

Not sure what's to bless - the dude that treated her like shit got to have her when she was hotter and younger.

The guy that 'treats' her gets the warmed over leftovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a very successful guy. He was wealthy. He had degrees from top schools. He was also an ego maniac who treated me like shit.

Fast forward to present day, I have the best boyfriend. He may not be wealthy or own his own company but I could not ask for someone to treat me better. He loves me with all his heart.

I love him very much. I admire him for the person who is now and not what he could be.

OP, please let some other woman date this man. She will appreciate and respect all his good qualities.

Ohhh, that's right. Rich = douche, poor = virtuous. Because men with little financial means never cheat or have egos and treat women like queens.

Rince, repeat. Got the message!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Not sure what's to bless - the dude that treated her like shit got to have her when she was hotter and younger.

The guy that 'treats' her gets the warmed over leftovers.

True

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Disgrace? Oh my fucking God. I seriously hope no woman married you and you are still trapped playing video games in your mother's basement because you sound like an asshole and a female hater. WTF is wrong with you? Your entire argument consists of a childish "LOL" and a old person "you are quite the peach" Are you confused? DId you not take your medication today? I love how you artfully redacted and misquoted what I said- when the fuck did I say he pays for everything? The OP sounds as if she will be burdened by her BF so she should let him go.

Looks like I hit a nerve. And I'm right. You are an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. That's what I mean exactly. I don't need my SO to be a multimillionaire CEO. I just feel like given our plans of wanting to live in this area and raise kids here he needs to be bringing in more than just 60k a year. It wouldn't matter if I could see that he'd make much more money in a few years but I don't think his field (risk management and compliance) will necessarily do that. This area is very expensive and I've seen people adjust career goals to better position themselves to live here. Change careers; get another degree; switch to a more lucrative friend etc. every time I've suggested something he is very resistant and then talks about so. and so. Is too expensive to do.

OP, you CANNOT will someone to be ambitious. That person has to want it for him/herself. No matter how you phrase the question, people are going to tell you the same thing. If my husband told me I needed to get a job in consulting, become an independent contractor, travel for work, or move into management etc so we could live the lifestyle he envisions I would tell him where to go. Ultimately, I have to want it because I'm the one that has to actually do the job day in and day out and do it well with a positive attitude so I stay employed. I don't know how much more clearly people can say it, it's akin to telling your child that is an artist that she has to study mechanical engineering in college or you won't help pay for it. Usually those stories don't end with the child finishing college, being employed in that field and being happy.

In the DC area I know quite a few women that make more than their husband so I don't think that is uncommon. I can think of atleast 4 women that I work with that the husband works a job that is shift work while the wife is a white collar professional likely making six figures. And yes it is possible to live off the 60K your boyfriend makes plus what you are making and have kids but you have to make compromises. There was a single mom on DCUM that made somewhere between 60-80K that I think owned her own home (maybe it was in Prince George County where housing is less expensive). If you are serious about this start posting in the sections on where to live with a budget of X. With schools, you can look into charters/magnets, affordable private schools, you working at a school that gives tuition discounts ...etc. You could rent instead of buying or buy further out. No you aren't going to be able to buy a big house, close-in, and be a SAHM with this boyfriend and it doesn't matter if every single one of his friends, his siblings, his next door neighbor growing up, his fraternity brothers, his best friend's brother-in-law's cousin all managed to have these kicking careers that allow for that lifestyle ... that isn't your path with your boyfriend and all the wishing in the world ain't changing it. It's like when I hear Snookie from Jersey Shore earned 30K for a public speaking appearance or the owner of grumpy cat made millions off her cat, I think great for them and cynically wonder for a moment where did I go wrong ...and then I move on because really their life has nothing to do with my reality.

If your boyfriend is delaying proposing because he is trying to get his finances straight but is making no moves towards getting them straight, that is where I would have the problem. If someone is saying that they want to have xyz done before getting married but are making no moves to get that done, that means to me that aren't really motivated to get married ...or atleast not to me.

Thank you for your feedback.