Underemployed boyfriend-wwyd?

[Anonymous]

My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career. He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

[Anonymous]

So if he had a higher paying job your sex life would be great ?

Are you a hooker ?

[Anonymous]

He's ambitious in that he wants to please you. That has to count for something. He could be uber focused on his career and not be as attentive to you. I think you should count yourself very lucky with a person who seems to be a good man.

[Anonymous]

Does he contribute in other ways? Do more housework, etc? Not making as much money as me wouldn't bother me at all. But if you're bringing in most of the income, spending more time at work, and then doing most of the housework, as well, that's a deal breaker. Once you have children, I can guarantee you'll have two children instantly. It's far too common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career. He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

What should you do? You should break up with him before you get married and/or have kids with him that's what you should do. For both your sakes.

[Anonymous]

Unless you can change yoUr outlook, let him go.

[Anonymous]

Pay attention to your feelings. It's not for me to judge. You feel what you feel. Don't ignore it.

If you believe that he's The One, and you are planning a life with him, why not encourage him to go to grad school? It looks like this could be a dealbreaker for you. Listen to that.

We each need what we need. If this perceived lack of ambition leaves you wanting, you owe it to yourself to push a little. You may find that his priority is this relationship, not a job title. Can you live with this?

I married a man with little education and very limited job opportunities. I thought I'd be the breadwinner and he'd focus on family. It turns out that his lack of ambition re employment/career was really a reflection of his general lack of interest in doing anything outside of his comfort zone. This is what wrecked the relationship. The job thing was only a slice of the bigger pie here.

I think you are correct in owning up to your feelings on this. Be better than I was about examining how this may impact on your relationship down the road. Don't be bullied by the idea that you are somehow snobbish or "a hooker" for wanting someone with ambition. That's what pushed me to commit to a relationship that didn't...ugh, that didn't support my own ambitions or life experience. We weren't "equally yoked" and his limitations, his stubborn fears about expanding his worldview choked all of the love and trust from the relationship.

Pay attention to your feelings. Examine them.

In the end, I have my children. It doesn't mean that I don't miss the marriage I thought I'd have. Learn from me, OP.

[Anonymous]

"Goes through hell" to please you? Doesn't sound like a good relationship for him.

Love him as he is or let him go.

[Anonymous]

it's affecting our sex life

Calling BS on this.
You don't respect him. Not saying if you should of should not. Either change or break up, both of you finding a better match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career. He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

Dump him and go out and see how high flying a career you can attract. Let the market decide what sex with you is truly worth.

[Anonymous]

Fondness and admiration are keys to a happy marriage. It sounds like you are fond of all he does for you, but not really fond of him. And you don't admire him. Sounds like a miserable deal for him.

[Anonymous]

You should let him go so he can find a woman who will appreciate him for what he has to offer. There will be plenty of them out there. Then you can be free to chase the money. Yes, you're phrasing it as wanting him to achieve what you feel is his potential, but it's really about money and how much you'd like your mate to earn.

[Anonymous]

another vote for let him go. he deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:another vote for let him go. he deserves better.

agreed. you don't deserve him AT ALL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:another vote for let him go. he deserves better.

+1 You're the loser.