Underemployed boyfriend-wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a gold-digger for wanting a guy who is more ambitious.

No, I'm not a ge digger. That's such an awful thing to say. I love this guy and want to marry him. It just bugs me because he seems like he is afraid to really put himself out there and know what he wants and get it. He isn't stupid; he has a masters degree from a great program. He is just too intimidated to get out there and figure out a career path that's lucrative.

Too intimidated? Is that his take on it, or yours? Some people (myself included) don't really WANT to be the mover and the shaker and make the sacrifices required to be that person. I have a good job in private industry, but I wouldn't want to rise any higher than I am now. I work 40 hours a week. I don't have to work weekends, generally. I don't have to travel. I never miss my kids' activities. I have time for hobbies, and friends. The executive level staff at my company are on the road constantly, often overseas, sometimes weeks at a time. One guy told me the other day he spent more days on the road in 2014 that he was home. He loves it. You couldn't pay me enough to be this guy.

Is he happy with his place in life?

This is my DH. He is highly regarded in his field. He could easily move up the ranks and make a lot more money. But, he doesn't want the stress, time away from home that comes with it. It's more important to me that he not be stressed out, and be home with his family than making a lot more money or hold a prestigious title.

I agree with others. Doesn't sound like you two are a good fit.

[Anonymous]

OP you have to give us more details about his schooling and what he is doing right now.

[Anonymous]

Didn't you post this before?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career. He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

Dump him and go out and see how high flying a career you can attract. Let the market decide what sex with you is truly worth.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he works to live rather than lives to work? Either way, you either love him or leave him alone. I vote for the latter because this perceived shortcoming will only get more pronounced over the years once kids and mortgages etc. come into the picture.

You may care for him but this may not be the down the aisle man for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My bf is dedicated to me and goes through hell to ensure I am happy and satisfied. He's everything I want in a man except that he doesn't have a high flying career. He works very hard and has a good work ethic but he isn't a go getter and isn't ambitious. He is so smart and he can do so much but he just doesn't have the drive and seems happy to work his low paying job.

I kind of find his lack of ambition unattractive and it's affecting our sex life.

What should I do?

Dump him and go out and see how high flying a career you can attract. Let the market decide what sex with you is truly worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op how ambitious are you for yourself? Do you earn more money than him? Please don't say you want him to be ambitious so you can be a SAHM.

What's wrong with this? This is a huge factor in marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post this before?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who knows this OP. She has posted multiple times about this, and every time is told to let him go

[Anonymous]

OP, you are really smart to pick up on this issue now. No judgment from me -- like the earlier post from the woman whose marriage failed but she has the kids, I had an identical story. Lack of ambition is a warning sign for bigger things. I got tired of trying to do it all while my H sat on the couch and waited for clients. No amount of vacuuming and grocery shopping could fix that. Kindly and gently excuse yourself from this relationship. You may always love him but at least you won't grow to resent him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn't you post this before?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who knows this OP. She has posted multiple times about this, and every time is told to let him go

So what if you are right? People only get to post once on the same subject? If you don't want to contribute, move on to another thread. Big decisions take a lot of exploring.

[Anonymous]

My mom had this great saying that you could love someone but not be able to live with them. Basically that love isn't enough of your aren't compatible is the ways that make a successful long term relationship. There are men that want to make the money and have their wives be a SAHM and they should ideally marry a women that wants to be a SAHM.

I don't think your boyfriend being underemployed is the issue. It is more that maybe he isn't a risk taker and you are. For example, I am not a big risk taker so I don't think I would do well with someone that started their own business or was always working at a start-up. I had a lot of instability in my childhood, with money, divorced parents, moved around a lot etc. So the guy for me is more a 9-5 er, wants to live in the same house for the duration of our kids childhood, at least supports my efforts in building a community for our kids and family etc. I would be a terrible fit for someone that wanted to move at the drop of a hat. If you are determined to try to make it work with this boyfriend, I would suggest some sort of counseling before marriage to make sure you can communicate with each other well (because clearly you think about things differently) and that you are on the same page or can get there on the big things.

[Anonymous]

I gave up my own business to do a job that I find satisfying. If I had to continue my old lifestyle for no life and lots of money, I'd probably kill myself. Seriously. It was a soul sucking life. I don't care about money enough to be that unhappy. I see how people love being ambitious. I'm glad that makes them happy, but it isn't for me.

If this is a deal breaker, then move on. Life is too damn short. Don't ever try to love someone for who you think they can be. Love them as they are or move on.

[Anonymous]

how about you all go out and date guys working in fast food then. these responses are bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how about you all go out and date guys working in fast food then. these responses are bs.

Don't be obtuse. People are not saying it's ok for him to make minimum wage. People are saying as long as he's making a decent living and he's happy with it, then OP needs to move on because she doesn't seem happy with the way he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how about you all go out and date guys working in fast food then. these responses are bs.[/quote
Those who don't want to be ambitious all work at fast food restaurants? Do they have an ambition check box on the application?