Some people just don't understand the sacrifices required to be a parent...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Same thing with the gym, where she refuses to push herself or give herself at the gym. And that was an issue when we used to work out together. So it was better that we work out separately.

I just don't see her as being the type of being willing to do what it takes to do something.

Man your thoughts are scattered. You should really go to therapy and work through them.

But read through your quote again - do you realize how controlling that sounds? She doesn't work out as hard as you do, so you resent her and have to work out separately? I mean, that's crazy. So it not giving your kid a frickin' bottle and then blaming it on your wife.

The whole thing sounds like about 18 months of therapy for you to understand how you're trying to force another human being to do things and then getting upset when they won't do them, like she's your puppet or something. No wonder it makes you angry that she's working "too much" or whatever.

I'm not disagreeing there might be major problems with her behavior, but you need a major wakeup call to understand your own role in making these things happen.

I actually kind of wonder if you've ever been happy, because people that think about things this way usually just go through life upset that other people won't do that they want or see the world the same way they do.

Yeah I know that gym thing would sound kind of weird.

It just kind of describes how I see her and fits into everything else.

I know enough people that live the life that I would like. Like I said in an earlier post a lot of this comes from different backgrounds.

My family background wasn't that strong. But it was enough to a point where I know that I wanted my family to be a lot stronger than what I had growing up.

But my wife's family was a lot worse off. It's probably reflective of most of the people in the area she grew up. Where when we had issues about this in the past, I pointed out to her out of all of her friends in the social circle from her high school, there is only one family that can be considered happy and successful (in terms of money and career). And to be frank they have the same issues that I described here and when I told her, it was how I supported the views of that husband. That couple did end getting counseling and started going to church.

So like I mentioned, it comes down to just being different types of people, backgrounds, and values.

Also her family background and background is one of the things why I never really broke it off with her earlier in the relationship and I think why my family feels for her. And there were times that I did try to break it off and she wouldn't let me.

Her background had helped make her a strong and independent person. But that emotional connection needed in a loving relationship just wasn't there for me and for my kids for a while. But like I said, she's a lot better with the kids now.

[Anonymous]

I meant to say due to the lack of the strong family growing up, I just don't think she has the ability for the emotions that I'm describing.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who finds OP to be incomprehensible? Apart from the fact he is controlling. That part is clear, any must be pretty obvious to most who know him.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you even hearing the people who keep telling you how controlling and critical you sound? You have Issues, man. And the fact that you refuse any responsibility except for "listening too hard to the breastfeeding advocates" is very concerning.

You seem very rigid and judgmental. Your job is not to "fix" your wife's personality, workouts, career, or lactation.

I don't have the heart to wish that you two work it out because I think she'll be better off without you. Try not to be as controlling and critical of the kids, okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right. Like I said being against formula was my fault.

There is just a lot of emphasis on the value of breastmilk now that it was a big deal for me with the first kid.

Knowing what I know now, was perfectly willing to use forumula with our second kid and now know the importance of just making sure that the baby gets fed.

But at the hospital the nurses didn't care. They would wake her up every couple of hours and force her to feed the baby.

Oh, wow. I was sympathetic to you until I got to this point. You sound controlling and creepy as hell. Forcing your wife to breastfeed because YOU (a man who will not be breastfeeding, who will not have to deal with the pain and sleeplessness and using your body for this) thought it was best? What on earth! And I say it as a woman who breastfed her children quite happily. UGH.

Presuming the rest of your stuff is accurate, your wife seems to be career-oriented and not interested in children. There is nothing you can do to change it. If she hasn't by now, she is not suddenly going to discover 'mommy genes.' You should seriously consider if the children will be better with you as a single parent or if your current situation is bearable.

[Anonymous]

Also her family background and background is one of the things why I never really broke it off with her earlier in the relationship and I think why my family feels for her. And there were times that I did try to break it off and she wouldn't let me.

OP you have significant issues surrounding personal responsibility and ownership of your behavior. This is worth exploring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've read your post three times and I can't figure out for the life of me what it is you are whining about.

+1. I think she puts herself first, but I couldn't find the examples.

[Anonymous]

She's probably working longer hours to get away from you trying to control her. You're being emotionally abusive.

Your wife worked full time, did all the housekeeping, and you called her a bad mother because she wanted to bottle feed instead of breast feed.

Either that or she's trying to make up for your low paying flexible job since you keep turning down better jobs. Sounds pretty narcicissistic and delusional to me. Yeah, I'm doing this crap job that pays "really well for the type of work it is" (whatever that means) and everyone keeps trying to promote me or hire me at another company but I keep turning them down because I want to be home at 5:30 so my wife can serve me dinner. Only thing is she's so selfish she won't quit her job and take a crappy job too so she can get home early and cook my dinner, like I imagined since I was a child. She was so selfish she chose to improve her education and keep getting promoted. Oh yeah, she also refused to kill herself during pregnancy and try to cram 3 semesters into 1 so she could be home to handle all the baby's feedings and cook me dinner after the baby was born. So selfish. And when we go to the gym together she doesn't work out as hard as I think she should. That's not really relevant, but what a great example of her lazy selfishness, amiright?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right. Like I said being against formula was my fault.

There is just a lot of emphasis on the value of breastmilk now that it was a big deal for me with the first kid.

Knowing what I know now, was perfectly willing to use forumula with our second kid and now know the importance of just making sure that the baby gets fed.

But at the hospital the nurses didn't care. They would wake her up every couple of hours and force her to feed the baby.

Oh, wow. I was sympathetic to you until I got to this point. You sound controlling and creepy as hell. Forcing your wife to breastfeed because YOU (a man who will not be breastfeeding, who will not have to deal with the pain and sleeplessness and using your body for this) thought it was best? What on earth! And I say it as a woman who breastfed her children quite happily. UGH.

Presuming the rest of your stuff is accurate, your wife seems to be career-oriented and not interested in children. There is nothing you can do to change it. If she hasn't by now, she is not suddenly going to discover 'mommy genes.' You should seriously consider if the children will be better with you as a single parent or if your current situation is bearable.

His story went from her starving the child to being admitted to nicu, to her wanting to bottle feed but him not "allowing" it because he feels strongly that she should breastfeed, and him calling her a bad mother for it. How does he have any credibility with you after that? I worry about him being controlling and emotionally abusive to the children if he has custody as a single parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably working longer hours to get away from you trying to control her. You're being emotionally abusive.

Your wife worked full time, did all the housekeeping, and you called her a bad mother because she wanted to bottle feed instead of breast feed.

Either that or she's trying to make up for your low paying flexible job since you keep turning down better jobs. Sounds pretty narcicissistic and delusional to me. Yeah, I'm doing this crap job that pays "really well for the type of work it is" (whatever that means) and everyone keeps trying to promote me or hire me at another company but I keep turning them down because I want to be home at 5:30 so my wife can serve me dinner. Only thing is she's so selfish she won't quit her job and take a crappy job too so she can get home early and cook my dinner, like I imagined since I was a child. She was so selfish she chose to improve her education and keep getting promoted. Oh yeah, she also refused to kill herself during pregnancy and try to cram 3 semesters into 1 so she could be home to handle all the baby's feedings and cook me dinner after the baby was born. So selfish. And when we go to the gym together she doesn't work out as hard as I think she should. That's not really relevant, but what a great example of her lazy selfishness, amiright?

PP, you are the Rosetta Stone! Perfect shorter OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right. Like I said being against formula was my fault.

There is just a lot of emphasis on the value of breastmilk now that it was a big deal for me with the first kid.

Knowing what I know now, was perfectly willing to use forumula with our second kid and now know the importance of just making sure that the baby gets fed.

But at the hospital the nurses didn't care. They would wake her up every couple of hours and force her to feed the baby.

Oh, wow. I was sympathetic to you until I got to this point. You sound controlling and creepy as hell. Forcing your wife to breastfeed because YOU (a man who will not be breastfeeding, who will not have to deal with the pain and sleeplessness and using your body for this) thought it was best? What on earth! And I say it as a woman who breastfed her children quite happily. UGH.

Presuming the rest of your stuff is accurate, your wife seems to be career-oriented and not interested in children. There is nothing you can do to change it. If she hasn't by now, she is not suddenly going to discover 'mommy genes.' You should seriously consider if the children will be better with you as a single parent or if your current situation is bearable.

lol, does it really sound that bad?

I don't know if it'll help my case any but the plan was to breast feed the baby. We were both believers of the benefits.

The issue is that she kept giving up too easily and if you don't try the milk will never come.

And like I said, I was against formula for various reasons.

So she's actually a big fan of using milk to feed babies and sometimes tries to advise other people about it and gives tips on it.

That's where my reference to the gym comes in. Where it takes work and requires effort and I just felt like she was giving up too easily or not putting the effort into it.

Yeah I know it's her body.

And trust me there were a couple of times where I wished I could lactate and feed the baby on my own. Then she wouldn't have been needed at all at a point.

But we learned our lessons for the second baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably working longer hours to get away from you trying to control her. You're being emotionally abusive.

Your wife worked full time, did all the housekeeping, and you called her a bad mother because she wanted to bottle feed instead of breast feed.

Either that or she's trying to make up for your low paying flexible job since you keep turning down better jobs. Sounds pretty narcicissistic and delusional to me. Yeah, I'm doing this crap job that pays "really well for the type of work it is" (whatever that means) and everyone keeps trying to promote me or hire me at another company but I keep turning them down because I want to be home at 5:30 so my wife can serve me dinner. Only thing is she's so selfish she won't quit her job and take a crappy job too so she can get home early and cook my dinner, like I imagined since I was a child. She was so selfish she chose to improve her education and keep getting promoted. Oh yeah, she also refused to kill herself during pregnancy and try to cram 3 semesters into 1 so she could be home to handle all the baby's feedings and cook me dinner after the baby was born. So selfish. And when we go to the gym together she doesn't work out as hard as I think she should. That's not really relevant, but what a great example of her lazy selfishness, amiright?

I guess I didn't emphasize the point that we make what would be considered upper middle class on this board. If I took that job, we'd be in the upper class easily with both incomes combined.

The other part of my issue is making that type of money and work hours but it not being reflected in our lifestyle. Due to our separation of finances, which was due to the issues in our relationship earlier on, and which I blame on her selfishness.

[Anonymous]

"But we learned our lessons for the second baby."

It was crazy for you two to produce another child!

[Anonymous]

I love how you're completely ignoring any suggestions that you are controlling or failing to take responsibility.

I'm going to be the first to call NPD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meant to say due to the lack of the strong family growing up, I just don't think she has the ability for the emotions that I'm describing.

Then, why have kids?????